A story of a breakup, of longing, and of letting go. Beautifully written.

“Like a flower that falls as a little raindrop brushes by / You say those words like it’s nothing to you.”

I still remember that evening, four years ago, when I heard the news that Kim Jonghyun took his own life. Some people were saying, "He's not dead yet, the doctors haven't confirmed it", while others said, "He was confirmed dead just now". Amidst all that confusion about what to believe and what to not, what the hope for and what to not, the 13-year old me processed the suddenness of death for the very first time. It was, perhaps, his death that prepared me for all the loss I would encounter as the days go by.

I found myself being unable to listen to any of his songs in the years that followed, or even watch any videos he was in. In all the SHINee songs I loved dearly, his voice would be there, distinctly gorgeous, so smeared with emotions. But of course, as time sprinted on, the pain reduced and the music just became music again. 2021, I think, is the first time the SHINee members started talking about him more openly and freely since his death in 2017. With that, they showed they have moved on with him in their hearts, and maybe that affirmation helped me transfer his memories from that of pain to that of love. So I thought, what better time is there to read his book?

“A person’s heart is truly deceitful, you know. While it does not belong to me, I long to own it, yet in reality, when I do get my hands on it, it starts to wither like a plucked flower.”

And so I did. It was a short, smooth read about heartbreak, longing, loneliness, and love. It was about a man and a woman whose 5 years worth of love had dried out like unwatered flower petals. As they processed the end of their love with feelings that lingered and memories that oppressed, the man and the woman navigated through their daily lives as normally as they could. Eventually, they managed to let go of each other, bid the emotional farewell which is much more difficult than the physical one. This whole process, so full of longing and grappling with reality, was depicted so beautifully, so rawly. It was wonderful to read.

“Such as the ocean returns to stillness after a sweeping storm, the woman’s heart seemingly shaking non-stop, too, quieted down. She could not know when that would abruptly change again, but for now, she was alright. He was, slow and surely, being erased from her.”

This book was written in such simple prose, yet it pulled every string in my heart. At times, it was calming to read, other times comforting. Like a pat in the back that it's okay to take a break when things are too hard. I have never been in love nor have I ever went through a breakup, but my empathy and Jonghyun's poetic writing was deep enough for me to feel their pain. Perhaps it would have clutched my heart more if I had gone through those experience, but this is enough for now. What he wanted to say has reached me, and I couldn't be more grateful.

“Hm······ I think about loneliness. It’s a little past two and a half in the morning, then it’s too late to start a conversation with anyone, so I lament that.”

The loneliness depicted in this book is what resonated with me the most. Through the radio show runner and the man, two different sides of loneliness was shown—the healthy one and the unhealthy one. I found myself in both of them. Sometimes I embrace it as an inherent part of my existence, other times I desperately try to crawl away from it's periphery. And the fact that this was the kind of loneliness Jonghyun too, like most of us, must have felt reminded me once again just how important it is to always reach out to the people you love and care about.

Skeleton Flower: Things That Have Been Released and Set Free, is a window to a deep corner of Jonghyun's heart, one that the world failed to see until it was too late. I see him in a new glow now, with a deeper understanding than before, and while I will never know him fully, I know he was a good man. He had a good heart, one filled with music and love and kindness. I hope he will be remembered with the same. Truly a lost gem of the Korean music industry, but a gem nonetheless, that will remain precious for as long as songs exist.

To end this review, here is one of my most favorite excerpts from one of the poems in this book.

“If you’re still embarrassed of showing me all your wounds, then please just hug me tightly.

Even if I don’t see your scars, I want to feel them through your skin to know you entirely, and I believe so do you.”

reading this at the place that i'm at right now was not only a huge comfort but also felt like having jonghyun close to me. i'm forever grateful for you, little star

a book that that perfectly sums up the emotions of a person experiencing loneliness. I recommend reading this book whenever you feel lonely or unsure and need reassurance that you are not alone battling these struggles

This is not a book i can be unbiased about. Even more so, i believe my experience with it is stunted, considering i dont speak korean, it was never published in english, and not even the korean edition can be found or purchased anymore for less than $250, as it wasnt published by, you know, a publishing house. I believe the original book has pictures and the like, so my reading of it (from somebody who translated it unoficially) was incomplete, though im sure, better than nothing.

That said, i wish it was published by traditional means, and that it could reach a bigger audience rather than be a coveted collectors piece, because it's genuinely good fiction. Its more of a novella than a novel, i believe, or a short story, and its... hard to describe? Its one of those stories where nothing really happens and you just watch people exist in the world, which is honestly my favorite genre, so im even biased on that front. But i think its beautifully written, in a very lyrical way obviously. Its hard to read as a fan, hits in several places that hurt for several reasons, but it helps in keeping him alive and close.

It feels genuine, maybe excessively so. I feel like had i read this when he was alive, i would have poked a little healthy fun at how he inserted himself into the story. Would have called it an ego thing. In retrospect, i wonder if this is just how he wanted or hoped to be seen, and i hope he knows that yeah, pretty much, thats how we see him still.

I think its also interesting that he wrote a story about missing people and then forgetting them, and now we're here, stuck missing him and doing everything in our power not to forget. I miss him everyday, and the wound is never any less raw. Today, it hurts a little more than other days. Tomorrow, it may be better.

Hurting just a little, missing you very, very much.

pasiilgau

5/5

"The moment the rose-colored lenses of love come off is when all hell breaks loose."

I went to this book quite empty-minded since the summary was in Korean. I couldn't judge it by its cover or synopsis. With that being said I read the fan translated from AO3

The book contains 12 chapters, each named after various songs Kim Jonghyun has written and sung in his group SHINee and as a solo artist. And I would assume that the book is named after the song Diphylleia grayi in his album JONGHYUN The Collection "Story OP.1" which I highly recommend listening to while reading.

Jonghyun ties these songs together into a story about past lovers and how their love story came to a bittersweet end. It feels raw and real, and I found myself in between his words. As Jonghyun says in the author's note, he wishes to give those 12 specific songs a new perspective and hopes the readers listen to those songs with this new story in mind.

The story bundles into many ways these past lovers try to make themselves forget each other while still longing for one another. The woman drowns herself to work whilst the man drinks himself to sleep. The resentment they both share for each other turns into longing, which turns into them trying to forget one another, and after many trials and errors, they finally let each other go.

"That beautiful era had passed, and nothing that belonged to it existed anymore.

The man and the woman thought of how they wanted to be happy and realized that for that to happen, it was time to let each other go."

Jonghyun comes in the story as the radio host/singer whom both the woman and man find comfort in. He is often shown to speak about (healthy) loneliness and sadness on his radio show that both the woman and the man frequently listen to. Those are also that he hasn't shied away from in his music.

"Being alone, I don't see it as something that simply disappears once you take care of it —— I am going through a healthy loneliness."

"It's alright to be sad for a while. Please come to me whenever. Because I'll be here."

This book had my heart ache as I could feel through the characters' different stages of a breakup. I felt numerous different emotions all the way from bitterness to sadness and from that, I began to understand that all of this was for their own good.

The book was so beautifully translated, and though I have yet to read the Korean version of this, the translator did a fantastic job interpreting and fitting Jonghyun's poetic nature into words in English. It's such a shame that it's not translated to English officially I'm looking at you **.

Skeleton Flower isn't just a book of references to his songs. It has connections to his personal life, and if I may reach a bit, I feel like all the characters in the story are bits and pieces of Jonghyun's own identity, of course, altered a bit. It's such a good read, and I hope that my review or the other reviews here will inspire more and more people to read this book.

Jonghyun truly deserves the title of Poet | Artist, his writing is so beautifully moving and deeply comforting. The translation I read of this book was lovely and I imagine it's even more touching in its original form, and you can truly feel the deep emotions and love he poured into its creation.

The passage in By Tomorrow when Jonghyun's words reassured both the woman and the reader that allowing yourself to feel sad and simply being understood is enough captured the exact reason Jonghyun has brought me so much comfort and healing even amongst the grief for his passing. His artistry creates a space so vulnerable and tender where he reaches beyond the barriers of space, time, and even life to say, "I hear you, and I understand you, your loneliness, your sadness, your exhaustion, and it's alright. Stay here with me for a while. We'll be alright."