Starting off by saying, LOTS of content trigger warnings! I don’t think I would recommend this book because of how traumatizing it is.

“Every single man in my life staked the path to murder. I’m not supposed to feel this but I do. I don’t think the act was vile, I think it was necessary”

I understood what the book was trying to do / get across, loved the idea of it but I will say I almost DNF because it was building up very slowwww. I was half way through and it wasn’t giving me enough on Joan’s character and I wanted more rage throughout. It wasn’t until she was recollecting memories that it started to build.

Once it DID focus on the rage aspect ~ from her history / trauma / relationships with her parents etc I was done quickly at once. There were also some things that didn’t need to be place in there TW: ex) multiple dialogues about rape and two people with disabilities murdered ~ that felt like was added for shock and to feed more trauma. I think it’s a great book / concept but it took in too much and couldn’t deliver it correctly. This isn’t to say character can’t experience lots of trauma btw obviously that comes with layers and trauma doesn’t need be justified for a plot ~ this is to say it dipped into these events very broadly and often but didn’t execute it well, it could have been talked about differently or in a way to elaborate on her character as a whole / the systems that are at play instead, instead of just throwing the events casually out there.

I definitely like that it clearly states the way Joan is conditioned to feel a certain way about herself, and it’s clear that it’s not based on her actions / her fault but because of what men / society have done to her plus added generational trauma.

I feel both empowered and unsettled

holy shit. there are tears in my eyeballs.

my TBR watching me read this book again like

I love an unhinged female character. Joan goes back and forth telling us the story of her trauma surrounding the death of her parents while recounting more current traumas from her adult life, and more unfold as the story is told.