Very helpful.

This book hurt my feelings several times.

Recently diagnosed with adhd, my psychologist recommended this book along with a few others. It was already on my to-read list from a friend who loaned it to me so I decided to give it a go.

The information was helpful. However, in many cases, it felt like almost any negative personality trait in existence can be related back to the disorder.

It also felt very partner-without-adhd focused and shared discouraging facts like the high number of failed marriages when the woman is the one with it. I would have liked to see more input from the person with adhd as well as more positivity.

As I read through it, I found myself asking those around me...Am I selfish? Will I be a shit mom? Am I a burden just like all of the partners of adhd-folks said?

I don't know if it was the book messing with my head since the diagnosis or negative, unsupportive comments of people around me saying the medication helps lose weight / sudden shame around the disorder but....ugh.

That was depressing. Basically "If you have adult AD/HD you're an emotionally stunted person who alienates everyone. Your only hope to help us tolerate you is medication and a therapy human." No thanks.

Sometimes it is just everything :(.

This book is a must for any spouse of an adult ADHD sufferer. Enlightening, perceptive and covers a lot of ground. Adhd can be a destructive force in marriage and other primary relationships. This book provides understanding, strategies, and hope. It is focused primarily on the partners of individuals with ADHD and their unique and often overlooked needs.

I did not give this book five stars for two reasons. 1) the author makes excessive use of third-person quotes and anecdotes, all from a "survey" of people in ADHD support groups. Personally I did not find these quotations convincing--they all seemed to have the same, unrealistic voice. I would have prefered fewer quotations and more prose from the author's viewpoint and expertise. 2) the Audible narrator was obnoxious and paronizing, particularly when reading the quotations mentioned above.

3.5 stars.Lots of validating and interesting insights into having a partner with ADHD.

Review originally posted at my blog www.gimmethatbook.com.

After I read The ADHD Effect on Marriage, I searched for similar books. This one kept popping up and seemed to be highly regarded, so I gave it the highest compliment I could: I purchased a copy.

This book is put together very well, and operates under the premise that ADD is not “so much of a disorder of attention as it is a disorder of self-regulation”, according to psychologist Russell Barkley, who wrote the foreword. The theme of the book is the ‘roller coaster’ that both ADD’ers and non experience on a daily basis, and so the chapter headings are related to our favorite amusement park rides. There are three parts; first, what is ADHD and how it affects you/your partner, second, what happens when you hit rock bottom and either decide to get treatment (or not), and three, how to succeed in building your relationship back with different strategies.

As you read, you get the sense that you are part of a support group, as you read other’s stories and get to know what lessons they have learned along the way. The difference between this book and the one I mentioned above, is that this goes into much more detail, with explanations as to WHY these things happen, and HOW to fix them. I found myself highlighting sections, seeing how there are common threads among ADD’ers and their significant others, and even learning more about brain function. Each chapter contains a few ADHD Partner Snapshot graphs, which show the results of surveys taken from 162 responders.

There are chapters devoted to denial, medications, finances, therapy, co-existing disorders, sex, coping skills, and more. Understanding the spectrum of ADHD takes patience, time, and teamwork, and that is the author’s intent. Where The ADD Effect On Marriage told me about the emotions that ADD’ers experience, this book goes deeper. I learned in real people’s words how they dealt with frustration and despair, and how most (but not all) took steps to regain the love and trust they once felt.

I highly recommend this book, as it gives you strategies and sources for help, without being preachy or too glib. The book concentrates on getting help for both the ADD and non ADD partner, without being too touchy feely. Solutions for issues are discussed from all sides, and are eminently able to accomplish.

Interested? You can pick up a copy here.