You need to sign in or sign up before continuing.
Take a photo of a barcode or cover
studiomikarts's reviews
88 reviews
5.0
From the very beginning, Boundary Boss resonated deeply. Cole's concept of moving from a "modus operandi (MO) of doing to an MO of being" immediately struck a chord, echoing the increasingly prevalent sentiment, in my consciousness, of prioritizing existence over activity. The "Zen Den" idea was also incredibly aligned with my existing space for meditation, reading, study, and writing, for which I was always seeking a concise and apt name—which I now have!
One of the book's greatest strengths lies in its ability to identify and articulate complex emotional patterns. The term "high-functioning codependent" (HFC) felt like a revelation, perfectly describing my tendency to automatically absorb others' problems and compulsively seek to fix them. Cole's exploration of the roots of this behavior, including the impact of being parentified in childhood, provided valuable context and understanding, particularly for someone already familiar with the concept through work on CPTSD. The distinction between consciously choosing who, when, and how much to help versus compulsively trying to completely solve everyone's problems every time was eye-opening.
The book delves into the societal pressures and personal experiences that contribute to boundary issues. The discussion of "emotional labor" was particularly mind-blowing, finally providing a name for something I was already becoming conscious of recently, but had no easy way of describing. Recognizing this dynamic in both my personal and professional life has been incredibly empowering, offering a concrete framework for taking control and reducing chronic stress.
Cole emphasizes that "at the heart of personal boundaries is the courage to tell the truth." She also sheds light on the concept of "secondary gain," the often unconscious benefits we receive from maintaining unhealthy patterns. Understanding such underlying motivations is crucial for breaking free and embracing positive change. The exploration of "shadow addictions" as numbing mechanisms (until last year, for me it was shopping!) further highlighted the importance of confronting painful truths rather than seeking temporary distractions.
The exercises provided throughout the book are not mere suggestions; they are powerful tools for self-discovery and transformation, and absolutely essential to becoming a Boundary Boss. Working through them, I experienced breakthroughs that made me feel like a caterpillar who was finally emerging as a butterfly 🦋✨ These activities even helped me finally understand and quell my long-standing, mysterious, and seemingly incurable stress reaction of injurious cheek-gnawing.
Boundary Boss doesn't just focus on setting boundaries; it also emphasizes the importance of respecting the boundaries of others. The idea that "being able to receive and respect another person's no is as vital to your Boundary Boss status as owning your own no" is a crucial reminder of the reciprocal nature of healthy boundaries.
The book's message is one of empowerment and self-respect. It encourages you to "value your actual feelings more than your concern about how others will respond to any limits you set." Cole's guidance on navigating the potential resistance of others, emphasizing that their reactions are "their side of the street," is incredibly liberating. The advice on providing context when setting boundaries without over-explaining or defending oneself is practical and effective.
Perhaps the most impactful aspect of reading Boundary Boss was the immediate application of its principles in my own life. Inspired by the book's assertion that there's no statute of limitations on past grievances, I finally addressed a long-standing issue in a relationship, setting clear boundaries and prioritizing my own needs. The feeling of relief and empowerment that followed was truly awesome!
Terri Cole's Boundary Boss is more than just a self-help book; it's a guide to reclaiming your power and living a more authentic, joyful life. Whether you're new to the concept of boundaries or looking to refine your existing skills, this book offers invaluable insights, practical exercises, and a compassionate approach that will leave you feeling ready to take charge of your own well-being. I wholeheartedly recommend Boundary Boss to anyone seeking to establish healthy limits, prioritize their own needs, and ultimately become the boss of their own life.
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Loveable characters? Yes
5.0
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Loveable characters? Yes
5.0
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
I loved learning the origins of the dwarves and the ents, and little details like why orcs can't stand sunlight. But it was challenging to keep all the names of people and places straight, especially in the opening chapters. The first half of the book was really tough, but then it started to pay off! Starting with the story of Beren and Lúthien, things became epic and awesome!
This book also gave me a whole new perspective on the elves. In The Lord of the Rings, they're like perfect angels, lofty and near-omnipotent, but here we see they're just as hot-headed and foolhardy as any other race, which makes them rather hypocritical in their looking down upon dwarves, men, and hobbits.
Finishing the main part of The Silmarillion was so satisfying.
Moderate: Death, Slavery, Torture, Violence, War, Injury/Injury detail
5.0
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
5.0
Living, being in the world, was a much greater and stranger thing than she had ever dreamed.
Minor: Animal cruelty, Animal death, Child abuse, Confinement, Death, Drug use, Physical abuse, Slavery, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Blood, Religious bigotry, Murder
- Strong character development? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Here are some passages that really touched me:
Vetch had been three years at the School, and soon would be made sorcerer; he thought no more of performing the lesser arts of magic than a bird thinks of flying. Yet a greater, unlearned skill he possessed, which was the art of kindness. That night, and always from then on, he offered and gave Ged friendship, a sure and open friendship which Ged could not help but return.
From that time forth he believed that the wise man is one who never sets himself apart from other living things, whether they have speech or not, and in later years he strove long to learn what can be learned, in silence, from the eyes of animals, the flight of birds, the great slow gestures of trees.
He knew now, and the knowledge was hard, that his task had never been to undo what he had done, but to finish what he had begun.
I did have a few gripes, like the absence of female protagonists (there literally are none, only supporting characters, and only three that I can recall, out of a supporting cast many times that number) and the strange way that the narrator switched from show to tell relatively often (though that did increase the story's pace significantly). The biggest negative was the rampant animal exploitation. It's not pleasant at all to read about seal skin, and fur coats, and dried fish, and just imagining all the death and horror these animals faced, in a story that uses their suffering only as the world's seasoning.
The negatives were still not enough to take away any stars from my rating nor to prevent me from picking up the next novel, however. I'm looking forward to seeing what tale it has to tell!
Minor: Animal cruelty, Animal death, Death, Violence, Death of parent, Injury/Injury detail
3.5
5.0
There are so many aspects to enjoy about The Legend of Sigurd & Gudrún. The core subject, J.R.R. Tolkien's poetic versions of some well-known ancient Norse stories is gripping. It takes a bit to get into the Eddaic rhythm, but once it clicks, it's hard to stop reading. The story itself is very dark and gruesome. Virtually every character engages in vile behavior, and the very few innocents face horrific ends. And yet it remains a gripping page-turner.
The academic writing of J.R.R. Tolkien and the well-researched annotations (and thoughtful editorial decisions) of Christopher Tolkien make for a whole other reason to read this. Not only do we get a glimpse into J.R.R. Tolkien's academic work and some origins for elements of his Middle-earth stories, we learn about Old English, Old Norse, and other languages, as well as the history, writing, and folklore of the regions, and even the history of the study of those subjects! Wow!
If you're interested in reading some non-Middle-earth and yet clearly related writing by J.R.R. Tolkien, if you're interested in learning more about the author in general, if you want to learn more about ancient Norse and English stories, or you just want to read a cool poem full of treasure, dragons, dwarves, magic, war, and revenge in an ancient European setting, I recommend this book!
Moderate: Animal cruelty, Animal death, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Gore, Incest, Violence, Cannibalism, Death of parent, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, War, Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Infidelity, Suicide, Blood, Grief, Suicide attempt, Alcohol
0.0