just_one_more_paige's reviews
1511 reviews

When Crack Was King: A People's History of a Misunderstood Era by Donovan X. Ramsey

informative reflective medium-paced

5.0

Shoutout to @thestackspod for this rec. When they review nonfiction well, I almost always add it to my TBR. Plus, I was personally interested in this one because it hits that "sweet spot"of history for me, the weird space of years right before I was born/when I was too young to be aware of real life, as it were, but recent enough that history classes (which in my experience usually ended with the 1960s: Civil Rights happened and now everything is good now go enjoy summer break!) don't cover it. So, basically, I know very little about it without going to find out more on my own. This is honestly particularly frustrating because being more knowledgeable about this type of recent history and pattern of events is more/most useful to understanding our social-economic-political landscape now, the one we live in, giving it context and helping us know how to address current wrongs to make a better future. Anyhoo, stepping off my soapbox, the point is that I was very excited to read this.

In When Crack Was King Ramsey provides a multi-perspective view of the crack cocaine epidemic of the 1980s and 1990s. As per the blurb: "Beginning with the myths inspired by Reagan’s war on drugs, journalist Donovan X. Ramsey’s exacting analysis traces the path from the last triumphs of the Civil Rights Movement to the devastating realities we live with a racist criminal justice system, continued mass incarceration and gentrification, and increased police brutality." Ramsey mixes a thoroughly researched overview of the events leading into and surrounding the epidemic, through history and policy and social trends and propaganda/hysteria and economic/legal realities and pop culture.

Interspersed with this are the stories of four people whose lives were intertwined with and irrevocably changed by the epidemic. We hear from a community activist and forming member for the Zoo Crew (an infamous trafficking group out of Newark), someone who was formerly addicted to crack and worked as a sex worker, the child of some addicted who turned their home into a "crack house," and a big city mayor who was one of the first proponents of decriminalization. It was such a diverse set of voices and perspectives, that together painted a nuanced and in-depth portrait of the lived reality of the time. I appreciate, deeply, the bravery and vulnerability in these four in sharing openly about some really personal experiences, in order to help provide the public this level of insight into the epidemic. Reading their parts, in particular, was affecting and compelling. And the book closed with a gorgeous acknowledgement and celebration of the resilience of those most affected, the way they banded together and created community driven and grassroots responses to help themselves, when it was clear that help from larger factions/sources was unlikely to come, or was not enough. Heartbreaking that it was necessary and that they didn't (still haven't) received the support they deserve from public resources (or the society/government that was the source of much of the context that created the epidemic to begin with), but an inspiring and hopeful finish all the same.

Finally, I want to shout out the writing. Ramsey's written voice is fantastic. It was easy to follow and balanced facts/information (which can tend to be dry) with great pacing and flow, along with the personal stories, in a way that was page-turningly fascinating. (He also narrated the audiobook version himself, and did so spectacularly.) His ability to draw connections amongst such a range of aspects surrounding ind intertwined with the crack epidemic - the political to the pop cultural to the international to the economic - was equally discerning and riveting. This was just fantastic narrative nonfiction. I learned so much and highly recommend it.

“An extra price was paid by Americans living in neighborhoods hit hard by the crack epidemic, mostly Black and Latino Americans. They suffered not just the ravages of the crack epidemic but the damage inflicted by the government's war on drugs. They had to navigate both drug-related violence and police harassment. They saw loved ones lose their lives to both addiction and incarceration. All that remained after their communities were ransacked by the epidemic and the war was grief, trauma, and shame.”

"He would have stopped time if he could and lived in that moment forever. It wasn't perfect, but he had everything he ever wanted: a girl, friends, his family, and the means to take care of himself. It was messy, Shawn’s version of the American Dream."

“It’s one thing to be thought of as a bad person. It's another entirely to be thought of as so bad that you're no longer a person.”

“We know that drug epidemics come and go. Like the flu or the common cold, they infect the body politic when our systems are compromised. We are presented with options when these epidemics occur. WE can shore up the weakened systems that allowed the epidemic to take hold. We can rally around vulnerable communities, providing them with resources and support to survive. Or we can turn our backs on those suffering. Worse yet, we can attack them as though they are affliction itself instead of the afflicted.”

Content Warnings

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez

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adventurous challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I'm on a roll for reading books from authors who have written some of my favorites of years past. I recently read, loved, and reviewed The Palace of Eros. And now this, from the author who wrote The Vanished Birds, which was one of my favorites from 2020. It's been both on my TBR list and my physical shelf for a while now. I actually picked it up and started reading it a year or so ago, but I just couldn't find my footing with it. And since a few other readers whose reviews I trust and usually agree with had said they loved it, and I knew I had loved previous writing from Jimenez, I chose to put it down and wait until I was in a better place for it. Which was absolutely the correct choice, as this second attempt was a much better experience. Unrelated, but I must mention: look at that cover. STUNNING.

In the ancient history of our (present day) MC's ancestral homeland, the people suffered under the rule of the Moon Throne, in particular at the hands of the Three Terrors, the sons of the emperor who held power through the "gifts" they inherited from a god(dess). When said god(dess) escapes the captivity she'd been forced into, she sets out to unmake her children whose rule has turned so despotic and oppressive. She is joined by two unlikely helpers: Jun, whose guilt over his violent past threatens to overcome him, and Keema, a solitary survivor of a remote tribe and lowly in the eyes of the country. Together, they set out on a five-day journey striving to end the Moon Throne and find freedom for the people of the land. The one-liner blurb from Godreads says: "Two warriors shepherd an ancient god across a broken land to end the tyrannical reign of a royal family in this new epic fantasy..." and that about sums it right up.

This story was told in a fascinating mix of voices and perspectives: some present day conversational, some in a dream, some through storytelling/performance, and a whole chorus that are maybe alive and maybe dead and maybe real and maybe spirits. It's like an entire narration of combined forms of shared (and sharing) memory telling this story. I have never read anything like it. And I'll be honest, it did take me a hot minute to get into the unique flow. It was so smoothly done - perhaps too smoothly - that I had to pay quite a lot of attention to catch the un-notated (for the most part) and frequent switches in perspective and other narrative voice(s) interjections. In physical format, there were paragraph breaks and italics and font changes that assisted with that visually; in audio format (I used both) the narrator had slight tone/accent changes that helped as well, but took a bit longer for me to catch onto. Basically, just be aware that there is some upfront effort in reading this, before you can sink fully/comfortably into the story. But it is impressive how effortless Jimenez makes pulling off this uncommon and ephemeral style.

This interweaving of folklore and history, the hallmark of classic storytelling, has an understated and subtle, but emotionally affective, parallel and connection to the tale to a present (ish) day boy and his family. It's a slow paced build. And one that is great not for its dramatics and twists, though there are many dramatics (battles, conspiracies, revolutions, secrets, gods and magical powers), rather for the profundity of the build. The breadth and depth of the world-building and character growth are impressive. That restrained, but powerful, style of story development seems to be central to Jimenez's style, as The Vanished Birds has a similar understated style of telling. For all that they're sweeping and epic in scope, the emotions the reader feels are surprising for the intensity of their hit and staying power due to the delivery. And then for the finale, the final 15% ish, Jimenez brings the story to its peak magnificently, with a slight increase in tempo and final pulling together of disparate threads, that gripped me, as the reader, so tightly.

And it was clear how much feeling Jimenez poured into this novel. This is a heartfelt telling, in all the beautiful and ugly aspects. And it is a clear homage to the way that folklore and storytelling can maintain a connection to a land/ancestry even through untold generations. A gorgeous, simply gorgeous, tale of reconnection with the earth that bore us, the stories created and passed down to explain its great natural magic, and all through a mystical dream-based message bearing that fits the vibes perfectly.

I want to, in particular, shout out the relationship between Keema and Jun, our primary MCs. The pull between them is so reminiscent of the deep-seated and pushed-down yearning and slow burn and queerness that is a hallmark (that I love) of Samantha Shannon’s Roots of Chaos series. And their ending... Oh my heart, the tenderness and hope were worth the wait. And it still isn't overdone or cheesy or too easy, a very real contented-style ending.

This novel was engrossing. It built with an inexorable pull that I didn't even notice until it was "too late," as it were. It wasn't a simple read - no easy escapism here - but the transporting experience was worth the extra effort on my part. It's one that I am glad I put on hold, and waited until I was in the right mental-emotional place to read it. If this sounds good to you, like you're in the right place for it yourself, I recommend it completely.

“…for some tales are too large to be told by one voice alone.”

“I have lived a long time [...] And the longer I live, the more it surprises me, and saddens me, how wise the young must become to live in this world.”

“It is all a spiral that feeds into itself with the gathering weight at the center we call Power.”

“You can fault the dancer, but more often than not, it is the dance itself that has to change.”

“You know what it is to be alone. You’ve been too scared to be anything else.”

“Because it makes him feel special. It makes him feel greater than himself. As though he is a part of a larger network of ideals than his own survival.”

“The body holds the body. The arms hold the spear. And the spear cuts through water.”

“To the Sleeping Sea he would go, to join the energies of those who had passed before him, and had become once more synonymous with the world. Perhaps he would return as the eyes of a fish, or the pulsing heart of a creature deep below who wakes only rarely, only when time strikes it appropriate to do so, and it stands and brings with it to the surface a mighty pearl the size of the Moon, which it might throw up into the sky to give the people another holy satellite by which to walk on their way to their loving nighttime trysts beyond the village gates. This he might next become, there the last fireworks of thoughts that erupted from his brain as the Water filled him up - or maybe it would be even simpler than that. Maybe he would move up, instead of down. Maybe he would be drawn up into the sky. Higher than even the mountain from which his family might've come. Wherever the warriors of Daware had once laid their claim. Living inside of a dark cloud above the land, as it swelled and thundered before the burst. Maybe he would be the sound of drums itself. Maybe the rain.”

“But perhaps now you understand that you are not a representative. That like the spear's journey through time, much of this dance is dictated by chance. You are merely, crucially, no one but yourself, as anyone else is themselves - mere stewards, gifting recursively over the divide of time this spear, that memory, to the people and the place from which they had come - and who, in turn, gift back to you your strange, and sad, and wide-eyed futures.”

Content Warnings

Twisted Lies by Ana Huang

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dark emotional fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

This is the one I’ve been waiting for since the beginning (ok well, since getting to the end of the second book and realizing that's what it was setting up for, but still) and it deliveredddddd. Definitely my favorite of the series; last one best one! Like, there was something about this one that hit all the right notes for my preferred dark romance: the truly reprehensible (and normally male) MC who develops an unbending soft spot for their romantic interest. I honestly can't get enough of reading to what lengths they would go to defend and support their person. And in this case, it was extra wonderful because of how much Christian's (frightening levels of) did for Stella's own confidence and self-perception. Maybe it wasn't always the best way to go about it, sure, but the result made my heart happy. Similarly in reverse, while it was just in relation to her, Christian's realization of his own remaining humanity, seeing himself through Stella's (optimistic, but not stupid - in her own words) eyes, is the kind of character "growth" I love in a situation like this. And of course, the levels of drama not seen in typical human life (high stakes security stuff, obscene amounts of money, stalkers and kidnappings, etc.) were as unbelievable and entertaining as always. Side shout out to Stella's lower libido and ace spectrum vibes (demi-ish) that were really mentioned openly and often on page - I don't see that a lot (ever?) in these kinds of mainstream spicy romance series, and I really appreciated it. It made me like what was already my fav of the four even more...though when the spicy scenes came, they also matched up with what Huang has provided this whole series (thumbs way way up for that). I knew I wanted this one and it hit the spot. I don’t even care how long (and perhaps sometimes repetitive) it was because I really did want to spend that much time with Stella and Christian.

“We always expected our external world to reflect our internal one, but it was situations like these that reminded me the world would go on no matter what happened to us individually. It was equal parts reassuring and depressing.”

“That was the thing about humans. We were hard-wired for survival, and we took every opportunity to convince ourselves that our problems weren't as bad as we thought they were. Hope and denial. Two sides of the same coin. They kept us from falling into a well of despair even in the darkest of times.”

“But he makes me feel like I can be anyone I want to be. Better yet, he makes me feel like I can be who I am.”

“But our lives were our own. There would always be people who were better and worse off than us. That didn't make our feelings any less valid. We could acknowledge how good we had it in some respects while criticizing other parts.”

Content Warnings

That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Demon by Kimberly Lemming

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adventurous lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

With a title like this, I was hoping for fun and entertainment, with low expectations for substance. And honestly, I got exactly what I wanted (and needed) from it!

Well, the title really sets up the story well. Cinnamon lives in a small town, working on her family's spice farm, and one night after drinking with a friend, ends up accidentally saving a demon's life. Said demon, Fallon, is (inconveniently) quite attractive and, against Cin's wishes for a quiet life, convinces her to come along on a quest to bring down the evil witch who has been passing herself off as a goddess, and enslaving demons, for generations. It turns into quite the adventure, not least because Fallon seems to have decided that he and Cin are meant to be together (as much more than just travel partners).

Yup, this was so fun. It was such a fast read. And that was partially because it was an easy story, one that I wanted to fly through quickly, and partially because (if I'm being honest) the writing was pretty basic. There were some points where sentences were a bit repetitive (as far as word choice), some points where transitions between scenes/sentences were a bit choppy, some points where the development and writing itself felt a bit juvenile. However, the dialogue (interpersonal and inner) was one of the best pieces of the writing, and that's a make or break for me (I can put up with a lot if the dialogue seems natural), so I made it through without too much complaint/exasperation.

I do love a “normal” heroine and Cin is really giving that, but with sarcasm and super millennial responses to stuff (like immediately trying to shoot a fireball with her hands after learning she might have…absorbed…magic that might let her do that), so that’s peak character vibes for me, a snarky millennial myself. And overall, she had some really happy-go-lucky vibes for the amount of violence and death she was around/involved in and I found myself pretty into that combo. It felt like reading a "cozy" fantasy, but with the violence of regular fantasy...the light delivery tempered it and kept the fun high. The tension and romantic build between Cin and Fallon was pretty fast (not surprising for a romantasy), but about as well developed as it could have been, under the "easy" reading quality of the novel. And the spicy scenes we got were quite good.

So basically, juvenile-ish writing aside, Cin was relatable and Fallon was an excellent romantasy crush, the plot and world-building were simple but adventure-filled, and in the end, I just enjoyed the hell out of reading this. Spectacular escapism.

“Don’t you just want to go feral?”

“Her logic was simple and just made changing one's entire worldview seem like a mundane occurrence. Maybe it should be. As much as I'd rather stay out of conflict and live out my life in peace, I don't think I could walk away from someone suffering right in front of me.”

“Why is the bed covered in cheese? / You don't remember? [...] Last night, you demanded we bring you cheese and then state that you were the cheese queen.” (well this is just too real, LOL)

Content Warnings

Twisted Hate by Ana Huang

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dark emotional medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

2.0

I continue my [guilty] pleasure reading of this series. I've gotta be honest, this is my least favorite so far. I feel like Josh and Jules do actually work together really well as a pair, and I usually love this kind of bickering-as-flirting, but there's just something about them I didn't love. I think perhaps because the author tried to shoehorn the "dark" aspects to the spice and storyline into this one. Like, I am in this for the dark and possessive stuff, but Josh doesn't feel like that guy. And the turn towards uncontrolled violence he takes at the end just really doesn't seem to fit the rest of him. So that was jarring. The more difficult parts of Jules' past felt much more natural as they unfolded within the story. On both sides, there were some nice aspects about getting closure and letting go of shitty parental relationships. And I love how prominent previous and other romantic side character stories remain throughout; not just nods, but real roles. In particular, Alex and Josh’s relationship was a highlight for me. Overall, solid writing, great spice (heavy on the angry/punishing sexual interactions, if that's a thing for you - or not), and carried all the intertwined relationships forward, if not my favorite of the bunch to date.

“When I’m not with her, I wish she were there. When I am with her, I want that moment to last forever. She makes me want to be a better person,and when I think about a world where she doesn't exist [...] I want to burn every inch of it to the ground.”

“Grief wasn’t one emotion; it was a hundred emotions wrapped in a dark shroud."

“The monsters in our imagination are often worse than those in reality.”

“Sometimes, people change. And sometimes, they meet people who make them want to change.”

“You couldn’t heal from something if you didn’t acknowledge it.”

“Relationships were built on small moments, not grand gestures.”

Content Warnings

Margo's Got Money Troubles by Rufi Thorpe

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funny hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

The blurb for this was so unique I knew I was going to want to give it a try. I figured that, if nothing else, it would be entertaining. It was that and more. Shoutout to Libro.fm for the ALC, the narration was great.

Growing up the daughter of a waitress/chain retail worker and a (not present) ex-pro wrestler, Margo never really had a ton of financial security or general stability. She enrolled at a local junior college and is trying to figure out where her life is going when an affair with her professor leaves her pregnant. Against familial advice and the preference of the professor, Margo decides to keep the baby. And thus begins an entirely different coming of age than she expected to have. Marog loves her son, Bodhi, but everything is much harder than she expected (she loses her job, her mom won't help with childcare, and two of her roommates move out), leaving her in dire financial straits. When her distant father, Jinx, shows up on her doorstep fresh out of rehab, offering to move in and help with Bodhi, she agrees.That helps grows when she begins and OnlyFans account and Jinx's pro-wrestling background proves decidedly helpful in building her story/brand on the site. But even as things within her home stabilize, the pressure and criticism from external forces, after Margo makes it bigger than expected on OnlyFans, throws wrench after wrench into her plans for the future. Can she figure out how to navigate it all?

Y'all, what a fantastically, weirdly charming novel. So unexpectedly quirky and I honestly loved it. Margo's was a really interesting and unique narrative voice. So personable. And the back and forth between first and third is something I hadn't really read before and it worked really well bringing Margo to life. Like, she seemed so real. She makes all the choices a genuine person would, for good and bad, with such relatable reasons…it’s like reading about someone I actually know (or at the very least, is like, a friend of a friend situation, you know). Plus, I appreciate the way she was written so much, because she could easily have gotten annoyingly stupid/young or unbelievably too mature, but she never did. Thorpe walked that line to perfection and that made Margo so legit. I loved her.

Topically, I have never read such a totally unique combination of things. OnlyFans and Pro Wrestling?! Just like, what an original, and up-to-date, mashup. And it came with a surprisingly insightful look at the nature of performance, the process and maneuvering of creating a persona versus becoming that persona, and figuring out/remembering what is real. There was also, of course, quite an exploration of motherhood in these pages. It walked a well-plotted line of calling out social contradictions and impossibilities, but doing so in a humorous and entertaining way that fit the vibe of the rest of this slightly off-the-beaten-path story. There were a number of poignant reflections on expectations of females, as we are raised to value looks/body and the power they have, then castigated for using that power the “wrong” way..and the, obviously (if you're paying attention), inherent hypocrisy in the spaces between that. Other noted hypocrisies that holds space in these pages includes: calling out of "feminine solidarity" versus a fury-inducingly familiar public tearing down of a fellow female (whyyyyy do we make it have to be this way?!) and the question of why does everyone look down on sex and revile discussion of it, when most of us do it (and are literally programmed to, for the continuation of our species)?! Interrogations of themes that absolutely make sense and belong as part of this overall reading experience. There was, finally, quite a bit of exploration of the financial, moral, logistical, emotional aspects of motherhood. In this case, we especially get a highlight of how much you don’t know that you don’t know when you’re young (and whose fault is it, really? ...not the youth), and Margo deals with everything she's now facing.

I also want to mention that there were some very real twists in the plot unfolding that I wasn’t expecting. not like , “plot twists” in the traditional "gasp!" sense, but just unexpected aspects or ways that the story unfolded. It kept me super invested. Really, this was a fascinating and well written spiral to watch/read. Even when I still felt like I knew what was coming and what to expect, the narrative voice was compelling and I was bought in and even heart-pounding at times, as the inevitable breaking points hit. But then, like I said, there were some moments where things turned in a way I didn't anticipate. I especially loved the way this wrapped up, from the creative turns the plot took to the relationships that Margo chose to accept/grow or to leave behind to the ways she took charge of her own life/future as she built something that worked for her (and f*ck you very much to those bullsh*t familial/societal expectations otherwise). Plus, I am alwayssss here for a book or situation that asks a reader to open their mind about sex work (as they should!).

I don't know y'all. There was just something about this quirky, funny read that was simultaneously so tender and heartwarming. I felt weirdly empowered after reading it and my life looks nothing like Margo's. I have to recommend a book that left me feeling that way! Plus, if this is a selling point for you, I got a sort of modern age Erin Brockovich vibe that I can’t necessarily explain, but feels right as a watch/read alike. I'm all the way here for this unforeseen stunner!

“But when they talked about the opportunities she would be missing [...] She hadn’t understood they meant that every single person she met, every new friend, every love interest, every employer, every landlord, would judge her for having made what they all claimed was the 'right' choice.”

“It was amazing how depressed you could get and still find things funny. In fact, things seemed even funnier.”

“Because that’s all art is, in the end. One person trying to get another person they have never met to fall in love with them.”

Content Warnings

The Palace of Eros by Caro De Robertis

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emotional hopeful reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

I have loved De Robertis since reading Cantoras years ago. It was a favorite of mine from that year (2020), and remains a favorite to this day. Between that and my established love for mythology and retellings, especially queer ones (which this was, to the utmost), reading this was a forgone conclusion.

This is, of course, a retelling of the myth of Psyche and Eros. Psyche is a gorgeous mortal woman who has captured the eye and imagination of so many that Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty, feels threatened. She dispatches her child, Eros, to take care of the problem. But the sight of Psyche captures Eros as well. So, she defies her mother and spirits Psyche away (under some very false pretenses) to a castle she creates specifically for the purpose of keeping her secret (and therefore safe), from everyone (Olympus and the rest of the world included). To maintain the safety in the secrecy, the two can only meet and come together under the cover of darkness...during which visits they explore each other, with deep passion, and fall in love. What starts as bliss slowly becomes confused for Psyche, who questions the need for the secrecy, the dark, the one-sided sharing, if this is actually the "freedom" Eros promises it to be. And so, she makes a choice that breaks the spell. Once thrust into the "real" world, Psyche and Eros must fight, introspectively and externally, for their love to survive in the light of day. It may be a harsher light, but if they can do it, they may also help remake the (order of the) world.

Y'all. The writing. On a sentence level, de Robertis’ writing is perfection. They capture the essence - pure and clear - of everything they describe. It’s evocative and stunning. The words themselves are emotion. In particular, in the moments of coming together for Eros and Psyche, the writing is as sensual as the acts and stories it tells, it caresses the reader as they caress each other. My goddess. Across the reading experience, it was a very literal effort not to highlight every line. And you'll see how close I came to reproducing the entire novel when you get to the end of this review and peek at how many pull quotes I have.

It should really come as no surprise, if you know anything of De Robertis' other writing (and life), that gender and sexuality were deeply explored in these pages. And that, too, was done spectacularly. First, since I already mentioned the way these scenes were written, the sexual discovery and awakening is so pure. In the unsure aspects of that, there is a parable for queer sexual awakening especially that is incredibly tender. If only all sexuality could be seen this way, as natural and celebrated, as want free from shame. The costs and pleasures of caving to one’s own wants, bucking those socially accepted truths about shame - and the patience and care it takes to create a space enough safe to allow a person to feel able to voice those wants and buck those truths - is gorgeous within these pages. And I appreciated the complexity of learning on both sides, from Eros' place of power and Psyche's place of newness of perspective, to make this happen in a way that felt right, with fullness of agency, for both.

The play with gender and gendered language (through the possibility of metamorphosis in a god’s powers) was sharp and fine, and communicated with a lovely smoothness. It reminded me a bit of Wrath Goddess Sing, as far as purpose and vibes, but with (IMO) much higher quality writing and clarity of story. In a "traditional" - socially - sense, De Robertis really exposes the smallness of possibility and expectation in the life of a woman. It's almost a parable of a telling of monstrousness: the monstrousness of being a wife to a husband as reality versus the belief of monstrousness of being a wife to a wife. As a small piece of that discussion, the contradiction of something being wanted so much that the fight for a piece of it reduces its worth, is conveyed with gorgeously painful precision.

The final major theme explored is the philosophy of what it means to see or know someone, past the basics of sight and name. And who defines that anyway? So very interesting. Honestly, the promise of what people could be, could become, if they weren’t afraid to show and embrace their full and deepest selves, but were instead encouraged to...the joy, the creativity, the comfort, the vitality that could BE, if one was free to belong only to themselves was affecting AF.

The philosophy of sex and gender in this novel (flying in the face of the rigid and caged perspective of it that we popularly hold) is mystical and magical and tender and expansive. And the crushing and confused complexity of love and frustration, passion and betrayal, loyalty and a need for freedom is captured with such force; the words are propulsive. I haven't loved and been as literarily impressed by a retelling since Circe (and goodness knows there have been quite a few of them). It was just that good. Gahhhhhhhh.

“In the rush of the river around me when I bathed there, a living aqueous body surrounding mine. In the way a tree could subsume me, swallow my shadow into its own like water poured to water, blending dark with dark, a recognition and a coming home. In the ease of sinking my body into the cool scope of a tree, oak or olive, fig or pine, blended into them, until I felt my roots deep in the earth below and my head green with leaves reaching greedily up to the sun. In the rich murmur of rain against our roof, spilling tales from the heavens, a wet weeping and laughter of secrets I longed to translate or swim into with my human mind. I could stay up all night listening to the language of the rain. I dreamed I could be rain, sky, river, tree. I dreamed I could be melted by my love for the world. Poured and blended. Lost, remade.”

“The melodies flowed like a stream over dark stones. Sounds unmade of meaning, unclasped from thought or time. Sounds that carried what could not be spoken, soul to throat to ear to soul. I didn’t learn the songs, but they settled in me, deep inside me and yet absent at the same time.” (what words for that simultaneous intergenerational memory and loss)

“But suitors are nothing like coins. Not at all. You can gather them endlessly and still find yourself with nothing.”

“I did not yet understand all the curves and eddies of power, that you don’t have to steal from the powerful to incur their wrath. You don’t, in fact, have to do anything at all. You only need to be perceived as the cause of their discomfort. If the powerful feel something they do not want to feel, and they decide you are to blame, your fate is sealed.”

“…for when a sorrow can’t be stopped, there is solace in giving it room.”

“How could they look so easily on her when her fury was a lamp to sear the skies?”

“…for only language takes the truth of who we’ve been and what we’ve lived and clasps it to the great necklace of time, keeps it from being forever lost. What can I say. That the hand against my hair was honey on a thirsty tongue. The glint and shudder of fish in a stream. Silk rippling through sunlight. I was sunlight, in the presence of her hand.”

“I wrapped myself in a sound that draped its beauty around me and also slid right into me, for sound enters through the ear and seep directly into the mind, the bones. With sound she entered me and reached my core. There she hummed, vibrated. There she coaxed sleeping beasts to wake. I had not imagined before that sound could wash the soul the way water washed a body, but that was how it felt those early nights: that this mysterious woman’s music cleansed away the layers left by sadder days, washed the stains of old invasions, eased sorrows I didn’t know I had. I became lighter in the presence of her song.”

"I could not disengage the threads of my curiosity and desire. They twined into a top so fierce it took my breath away. I was taut with it.”

“…what does that mean, what can you call this place, this thing she’s done to me with her mouth, a long kiss? A speaking? A kind of devouring dance? A mouth is a soft wet thing, is it not, how can it be so muscular, so absolute? Shame slipped away, sank into a hot blind sea.”

“What happens with you is more living than I thought could ever be mine.”

“I longed for so much that I almost longed for everything, which is a feeling so vast it curves in on itself, toward the start of the circle, where everything becomes nothing and the longing for everything blurs into longing for nothing, a subsuming in the longing itself, swallowing you whole.”

“Words are power. When you speak what you know, or what you want or what you are, you give it power, more existence, more shape inside the texture of the world."

“I was nothing, anything, colors in the water that the lightest leaf could rupture into brilliant shards the stream carried away.”

“I paint her with my tongue. All the possible colors spring from its tip. My tongue creates. Gives birth to worlds. Her explosion in my mouth remakes the universe.”

“The mind is where violence begins.” (not the body, not hands, not a phallus; none of those are innately violent - the violence they enact is born in the mind, a universally shared organ)

“The border of male and female? […] It’s not such a deep border, after all. […] Or perhaps the border is a mountain range, the kind people declare impossible to cross, but whose ravines are full of green and secret life.”

“Play and joy and searching. Ease and art and fluid truth. Body as lake. Body as sky. Body as wind and flow. The unscripted dance of what Eros knew could also be.”

“So what if a free woman ruins pots or bowls or jugs? So what if some of her markings come out ugly or wrong? […] Because she is free, there is no one to tell her the pot or bowl or just is wrong. Or that she is wrong. Except her own self.”

“The logic of the world was a metal she melted in the forge of her loving.”

“And yet, even when we change, even when we find power inside us and lift it to the light, we still carry in us the wounded animal of our memory, the bruises and scars, the spurning. We want to be un-spurned. We want the ones who held mirrors for us, whether in solace or in mockery, to see us again with fresh, admiring eyes, as if this seeing could affirm us, mend the shattered parts, and make us whole. Those of us who’ve been broken have more shards inside us than we know – and who among us has not been broken, as women in this world?”

“Desire leads to more desire. Existing leads to the will to exist. Boldness in the dark leads to boldness by day.”

“Surely it was hubris of the worst kind to imagine that the shape of the world would change just because we brought our passion into the light. Absurd. And yet. And yet. If it was not so, why this fear?”

“For that is the secret of beauty: it permeates a person, flows from them, in ways that transcend the human eye.”

“Exhaustion crushed me. All I really wanted was a place, somewhere, somehow, in this world.”;

“Gather the whispers of your future, insist yourself into the days to come.”

“Why can’t the shape of things arise from within instead of being forced on us?”

“Too much beauty is a burden. It endangers us. It always will, unless the worlds change.”

“When old ways shatter, new paths can open.”

“Whoever I was destined to become by the end of this day, and the ones that followed, I wanted to experience fully who I was in the now, in the hard-earned and far-flung now, to tattoo this moment into me so I could carry it into whatever came next.”

Content Warnings

They Were Her Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers

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challenging emotional informative reflective slow-paced

5.0

"Southern white women's roles in upholding and sustaining slavery form part of the much larger history of white supremacy and oppression. And through it all, they were not passive bystanders. They were co-conspirators."

I'm not sure who exactly it was, but I originally saw this in a #bookstagram post. It's been, quite possibly, years since then, so I can't give credit where it's due because my memory is just not that good. But shoutout to them, because I appreciate it coming across my radar, and my finally getting around to reading it myself.

This piece of nonfiction, chock full of incredible historical research, was a perspective on slavery that not only is never really considered or given air time, but actively downplayed in an attempt to protect a certain group: white women. The prevailing understanding is that, due to the patriarchy, white women were mostly passive players in the history and reality of slavery, who had to (and chose to) cede all control of their money and decisions to the men in their life. In this text, Jones-Rogers tears down that understanding. From the role women had in financial and legal decisions about enslaved people they/their family owned, to their roles in directing the work of the enslaved people that were their "property" (including decisions on when/how punishment should be meted out, and meting it themselves), to the active role in slave markets, to their fight to retain ownership and/or receive financial compensation when the outcome of the Civil War hit, this book completely reframes the facade of powerlessness that has protected the reputation of white women in connection to slavery across time.

Jones-Rogers shatters the illusions of the innocence of white (mostly Southern) women, who (whether out of genuine want/gain or due to a lack of interest - or capacity - in changing societal status quo) engaged directly in violence against enslaved people, as well as profited directly (gaining their own power and financial benefit, separate from their fathers/husbands) from the owning of enslaved people and the work they were forced to do. She erases the easy excuse of patriarchy for white women’s lack of action on solidarity with enslaved peoples (and the carryover into today's lack of intersectional feminist solidarity). Working to better yourself within a society that has constraints on you does not absolve you from the shame and judgement that should come from treating others, those that our broken society puts below you, badly in order to make their progress. The lesson that crushing others to get ahead just because that’s the only path that seems available to you is not an excuse/absolution is strong in these pages. (For even further lessons on this same theme - that life is not a zero sum game - but in a more modern context, check out The Sum of Us.)

I do want to note that the writing is very academic. It's a bit like reading a textbook or dissertation (so, a bit dry)... I mean, it's definitely more narratively inclined than that, but not by too much. That being said, I was very glad to also have the audiobook to help me through it.

To close, the overall picture Jones-Rogers presents within isn't new, but this new perspective she delves into was deeply researched, well presented, educational and eye-opening (in a reframing-what-you-thought-you-knew sort of way).The blurb about this book ends with "By examining the economically entangled lives of enslaved people and slave-owning women, Jones-Rogers presents a narrative that forces us to rethink the economics and social conventions of slaveholding America." and I really couldn't give a better summary, nor a better reason to recommend reading it.

Content Warnings

If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

My first Baldwin (yes, I know, I'm late). That's it, that's the intro.

Tish and Fonny are young and in love. They're planning to get married and have just found a place to live together. They're excited to move in, and even more so when Tish finds out she's pregnant. But Fonny is falsely accused of a horrific crime and arrested. As both their families set out to clear his name, the narrative follows the wide range of emotions experienced by all - Tish and Fonny, their parents/families, and friends - in the face of a now uncertain (at best) future.

This was very much a scene/ambience and character focused novel. The plot, as it were, is basically what I wrote in the blurb...and very little more. The magic of this novel came from the picture of the characters within this setting and situation that Bladwin painted. The writing, and the narrative was told primarily from Tish's perspective and in her voice, has a unique flow that is a mix of stream of consciousness, colloquial conversation, and some philosophical reflection. It's like a meandering sort of storytelling (we all know that person who goes on many side quests and tangents when telling a story), but one that is quite insightful both to Tish's internal self and the external circumstances of her and Fonny's lives. I was quite specifically compelled by the ruminations on what it means to be a man and a woman in the world, and specifically a Black man and woman in this world, in what is truth versus what is believed/accepted as truth. Anyways, it's a very poetic sort of jumping around.

The interpersonal dynamics also really shine. The nuances of these family relations, both within the family and with each other, are so intricate and authentic. These characters just felt so real - like they were my neighbors and I was hearing about their real life situations, not reading a piece of fiction. Which, really, says two things to me. One, that Baldwin is a very impressive writer. And two, that this situation could be (has often been) real - which likely informed both Bladwin's telling of it and my buy-in to its possibility IRL - and that is, as always, quite upsetting. It makes the heartbreak hit that much harder.

Speaking of, oh my goodness this gets right to the breaking human hearts of the broken “justice” and incarceration system that we have in the US (that has changed very little since the publication of this novel in 50 years since this was published). The fear and grief and sorrow and loneliness, for truly all our characters in different ways (the complexities of which Baldwin does a great job portraying), hurts so much. It’s heartbreaking, to want and hope for a happier ending for Fonny and Tish and to pretty much know they won’t get it. And then, when the novel closes, and you don’t know for sure if the ending is real or a dream (and maybe what’s the difference really?) there's a moorless, hopeful, sadness that I almost cannot describe. Damn.

I mean, there's not much more I can add to the lore of Baldwin's body of work, but I will at least lend my voice to the chorus of praise. The way he intertwines love and passion with grief and frustration in the face of injustice/powerlessness is phenomenal.

“Being in trouble can have a funny effect on the mind. I don't know if I can explain this. you go through some days and you seem to be hearing people and you seem to be talking to them and you seem to be doing your work, or, at least, your work gets done; but you haven't seen or heard a soul and if someone asked you what you have done that day you'd have to think awhile before you could answer. But, at the same time, and even on the self-same day - and this is what is hard to explain - you see people like you never saw them before. They shine as bright as a razor. Maybe it's because you see people differently than you saw them before your trouble started. Maybe you wonder about them more, but in a different way, and this makes them very strange to you. Maybe you get scared and numb, because you don't know if you can depend on people for anything, anymore.”

“I guess it can’t be too often that two people can laugh and make love, too, make love because they are laughing, laugh because they're making love. The love and the laughter come from the same place: but not many people go there.”

“It’s funny what you hold on to to get through terror when terror surrounds you.”

“Though the death took many forms, though people died early in many different ways, the death itself was very simple and the cause was simple, too: as simple as a plague: the kids had been told that they weren't worth shit and everything they saw around them proved it. They struggled, they struggled, but they fell, like flies, and they congregated on the garbage heaps of their lives, like flies.”

“It doesn’t do to look too hard into this mystery, which is as far from being simple as it is from being safe. We don't know enough about ourselves. I think it's better to know that you don't know, that way you can grow with the mystery as the mystery grows in you. But, these days, of course, everybody knows everything, that's why so many people are so lost.”

“They were so free that they believed in nothing; and didn't realize that this illusion was their only truth and that they were doing exactly as they had been told.”

“Time could not be bought. The only coin time accepted was life.”

“Neither love nor terror makes one blind, indifference makes one blind.”

“Each of these men would gladly go to jail, blow away a pig, or blow up a city, to save their progeny from the jaws of this democratic hell.” (damn, and who wouldn’t, and why should they have to/why are they even forced into this position in the first place)

“Despair can make one monstrous, but it can also make one noble.”

“The mind is like an object that picks up dust. The object desn't know, any more than the mind does, why what clings to it clings. But once whatever it is lights on you, it doesn’t go away…”

“He’s beautiful. They beat him up, but they didn't beat him - if you see what I mean. He's beautiful.”

Content Warnings

The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo

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dark mysterious tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

Look, I will read literally anything that Bardugo writes. And I am thrilled to say that her writing is only getting better (plus, this move into adult novels, and away from YA, really does line up with my own age-level reading interest changes, so that's nothing if not convenient). But beyond all that, this book is perfect for me: dark, magical, a bit of historical fiction, Spanish, and deals with the/a devil. Plus, a small (unexpected) romance with a satisfying and darkly (on point for the vibes) happily ever after.

Luzia Cortado is barely making it through her days as a scullion maid, eased only by the bits of magic passed down from her mother that make certain daily chores a bit easier. When her mistress notices her magic, she forces Luzia to use them to better the family's social position. Which puts a dangerous spolight on Luzia, living as they do in the time of the Spanish Inquisition, where any hint of devil-worship or blasphemy (so, not being Catholic) means imprisonment, torture and probably death. Almost immediately, Luzia is noticed by Antonio Pérez, looking to regain his place at the side of Spain's king by any means necessary...including setting up a magical tournament to find the King a champion to help regain his own international position (the defeat at the hand of the British Armada having damaged his standing deeply). With the "help" of her aunt, her aunt's patron, and - most importantly - Guillén Santangel, the immortal familiar of her aunt's patron, Luzia prepares to compete. As Santangel teaches her how to wield her magic, he realizes how powerful Luzia actually is, and despite the incredibly tenuous position this puts them both in, also realizes his feelings for her are growing into something he hasn't experienced in a long, long time. With the eyes of a kingdom on them, and the lines between real magic, fraud, and religious conviction unclear and fraught with danger, they'll have to fight with all the wit and sorcery they've got to make it out alive and together and...just maybe...free.

Yup, Bardugo really brought it with the atmospheric aspects of this novel. She brought this version of the Spanish Inquisition to life. The realistic aspects, like the razor thin line upon which everyone walked, the "on tenterhooks" aspects of daily life, because anything and everything could get you accused of heresy, had me feeling the tension on almost every page. And it was enhanced further by Luzia's day-to-day life situation - no connections to money/influence, having actual magic (that definitely was not gifted from "God"), being of Jewish ancestry, directly in the eye of the Crown - all of which were dangerous on their own, much less put together. The court and social intrigue, and political machinations, were also written with a nuance and complexity that made them feel tangible. Obviously some of the historical characters/details are true, but some are definitely fabricated, and I wasn't ever totally sure which was which (past the big things, like the defeat of the Spanish Armada, of course) and that felt like great historical fiction writing to me.

Naturally, Bardugo shines with the infusion of magical elements into the setting and plot. The mix of ancient and forbidden language as the lingual aspect to Luzia's magic, plue the tunes that "feel" right to her that bring it fully to life, was really cool. There was a mysticality to it that, when read alongside the other magical styles (like prophetic dreams and focusing stones) and magical philosophy and research (courtesy of Santangel), was a more subtle practice that one might sometimes see, but that fit the vibe of the novel just right. Plus, I have always had a soft spot for "deals with a devil" style stories, so I am biased towards that magic here as well.

Luzia herself was an interesting and refreshingly unassuming MC. She was full of spirit and resolve and, as a character, balanced the "naive" to society with the "knowledge" of harder life experience (aging out of youth too quickly) very well. Santangel was also a really interesting foil – the opposite of Luzia in age and experience (his youth was too lighthearted and his present is resigned and bitter, no fight left in him). It’s opposites attract in a very unique way. Speaking of. I was super unsure about the romance aspect to start. And while I objectively am still not sold, I totally get why, subjectively – in the context, the pull between them happened. They are a perfectly imperfect pairing of second chances and reframed “wants” from life, balancing each other out (both emotionally and with the power/knowledge they bring to the other). And their ending, as I mentioned earlier, left the right sort of bittersweet, sort of darkish and creepy but weirdly sweet, taste in my mouth.

The plot was mostly background for me, honestly. Like, it was an interesting spin on magical competition, what with the courtly intrigue and threats of the Inquisition. But it wasn’t so unique that it stood out. But, it was robustly developed (the why and how of it, etc.) and acted as a solid framework for the rest of what Bardugo brought to the tale though, and for that, I was happy with it and the role it played. And credit where it’s due, there were a few twists and turns of will and magic that took the story in directions I wasn’t expecting.

One final word about the writing. This novel unfolded with a slower pace that leant itself to the subdued, but ever-present fire of the story, like smoldering coals. There was a quiet, smooth cleverness in the writing that provided for fantastic sinister undertones (layers and multiple meanings) threaded throughout, under all conversations and interactions. It was all so deliciously tense and, as I’ve already mentioned, wonderfully atmospheric.

Overall, what a story! Transporting and enchanting in a darkly mystical homage to ancient magics and fairytale storytelling. It managed a somehow newer, more modern, voice while maintaining that mystical quality. I simply lovely getting swept up in this.

“Better to live in fear than in grinding discontent. Better to dare this new path than continue her slow, grim march down the road that had been chosen for her. At least the scenery would be different.”

“Later Luzia would understand that when it came to anything worth having, there was no end to more.”

“Wishes granted were rarely the gifts they seemed. Any goose who believed otherwise hadn’t listened to a story all the way to its end.”; “Money was a wonderful tonic for fear.”

“Language creates possibility. Sometimes by being used. Sometimes by being kept secret.”

“Fear men, Luzia. […] Fear their ambition and the crimes they commit in its service. But don’t fear magic or what you may do with it.”

“All empires are the same empire to the poor and the conquered. But not all empires are the same.”

“Faith could be won. Curses could be broken.”

“Did it matter who held the power? […] What difference did it make if the person with the power wasn’t you?”

“A life lived hungry could lead you to eat from anyone’s hand.”

“Was there anything more dangerous than a man full of hope?”

“They did not age. They did not change. They traveled the world a thousand times over. They may be traveling still.”

Content Warnings

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just_one_more_paige's reviews 1511 reviews

just_one_more_paige's reviews
1511 reviews