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101 reviews

"'You deserve better than anything I can offer. The other women were just a good time; one night with no strings attached. You? You’re all the strings. You’re the girl you bring home to Mom and Dad, the girl you settle down with, the girl who would force me to grow up.'”

"I rush past him to the bathroom and change into his shirt. It’s a mistake; it smells like him. Like a fucking weirdo, I pull the neck of the shirt to my nose and breathe it in. Friends can sniff each other’s clothes. It’s a thing. I’ve read about it somewhere. If I keep to my side of the bed, everything will be fine."

"'That fucking book you love so much? He has no idea what it means to burn for her. There’s fucking lava in my veins, Cass. The love I have for you courses through me. You’re mine to protect...'"

"'If I’m not busy, I feel guilty, like I should be doing something, anything... If I’m busy, I can avoid everything.' Except, when I’m with Travis, nothing else exists. I don’t feel like I need to be busy. I was in bed for weeks, and he met me where I was at, made sure I was safe and healthy—or as healthy as anyone can be in the middle of a spiral."

"Antonio folds his arms and sighs, watching until she stops after a few feet. She stands still (slight drunk swaying aside).
'Are you parked this way?' she turns and asks.
'I am not.' He holds out his hand as Alex returns to him, but she doesn’t take it, instead wrapping her arms around his waist.
'Can you fuck me in the car?' she attempts to whisper.
'Jeez, woman.' Antonio’s eyes widen, and he hears a few snickers behind them.
'Oh, shit. Was I not quiet?'
'Not even a little bit, baby.'"

"'... it could only hurt that much because I am in love with you, Alex. It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my entire fucking life... I have learned that I will fall apart without you… Baby, we are complicated, demanding, and inexperienced. But I love you.'"

"She stares icily at her boyfriend, who smiles obliviously. 'You will never be able to touch me again. You’re gonna have to find a new girlfriend. I don’t want your super-sperm anywhere near me, Antonio Moretti...'"

If she is Shadow, then I am Flame. This girl is the very thing I can’t seem to escape—can’t seem to go anywhere without the remnants of her following. Where I am, she is. Whether it’s in the flesh or in the fragments of my mind. And where there is a flame, there is always a shadow. She is my inevitable.

And now I’ll drown in the regret that is him... There is no past, no future. Just him. Just us. Just this moment and what we decide to do with it. Death emboldens. The end initiates... My heart aches. Aches to be reunited with the piece he’s stolen from me... I am recklessness incarnate. Until the very end. My mouth meets his. He tastes like longing. Like regret and relief. Like nothing matters but this moment. It’s fervent, like a sinner’s final prayer. And maybe that is what this kiss is. Repentance.

“Out here I am Kai and nothing more... Out here I am powerless. A monster without an ability to hide behind. An Enforcer free from his masks. A man shouting his love for a woman... I think I would fall on my sword if it meant you mourned me,” he breathes. “And it’s terrifying to think you hold that much power over me... You asked me what my favorite color was once. I’d never even pondered the answer to that question before you. And yet, I realized in that moment that it was blue... It is your eyes... I may be a monster, but if you cut me, I’ll bleed. And if you break my heart, Pae, you’ll break me. So, if even a sliver of your soul longs for mine, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it."

He is my anchor, and I am willing to sink, so long as it is with him... Because uttering the words feels like a death sentence. Every person I’ve ever loved has left me. I’m cursed to lose in love. But that is what I feel for him, what I’ve felt even when I hated him. Because hating him was easier than hating myself for wanting him... Because wherever I love, people die. And I’d rather love him silently than mourn him loudly.

I’m so unused to someone wanting me. Choosing me. Finding me worth the effort. Because I’m completely undeserving of it. Of her. If darkness is the absence of light, then that is what I am when she is not around. And I wonder how I’ve stumbled this long without her to guide me...
I’ve spent my whole life wishing to be wanted. And here he is, begging me to let him... He is my fantasy. This is my reality. With that realization, all hesitation vanishes. And I kiss him.

“I count the stars,” she says softly. “To help me sleep... I always wondered how something could shine so bright, even while being swallowed in darkness... I hope they know how admired they are up there,” she murmurs. “I mean, I count them before bed every night.”
I shake my head at the sight of her admiring something far duller than she. “I’m quite sure that even the stars are envious of you... Because one day—far from now—you will be up there beside them, outshining every single one." ...
"And will you be beside me up there?”
“If I should be so lucky.”
“Promise me,” she murmurs sternly. “I don’t want to be alone.”
I nod against her hair. “I promise, Dena.”

I’ve never been much good with pain. Never needed to be. But I refuse to be ashamed of my softness. Gentleness is the strength that fragility lacks.

"... these acts of terror were not random lightning strikes by demented individuals; they were targeted political acts of right against left."

"McVeigh understood the potential of his right-wing compatriots for joining him in violent action. “I believe there is an army out there, ready to rise up, even though I never found it,” McVeigh told his attorney Jones. But that doesn’t mean his army wasn’t there. McVeigh failed to find his army because he had no efficient way to locate and mobilize potential allies; in other words, McVeigh didn’t have the internet, in particular social media. As it turned out, there was an army of McVeigh’s heirs out there, but it took the invention of cyberspace for the soldiers to find one another."

"McVeigh told Jones, the “kill ratio” of child-to-adult victims was 1:5 in Waco, whereas in Oklahoma City it was 1:10, so his actions were not as “inhumane” as those of the federal government. McVeigh’s rationalization for murdering the children in the Murrah building provided a useful reminder of his soulless fanaticism."

"...complaining that no one had criticized Truman when he dropped the bomb on innocent women and children. He said that there was no point in bombing the Oklahoma building at night, because then all the damage would just be to property, and the government would just build it again. He said this is the nineties, and you ‘can’t make a statement without a body count.’"

"'...he’ll be the perfect gentleman and make you feel like a queen for the night. Frankie and I’ve dubbed it the Moretti Experience. And it’s not a ruse; if he decides to give you his attention, you get his full attention. The problem is, no one can hold onto it for long. You basically have to sign on a dotted line acknowledging it’s a temporary lease.'
Alex cringes. 'That doesn’t make him sound that great. I mean, it’s not like I’m looking to fall in love with the guy, but sheesh. He sounds like the ultimate fuckboy. Just in cursive.'"

"'The thing is, men are ruled by emotions just as much as they believe women are. One specific emotion—and that’s pride. Think about it. Men will go to war over territory. Over women. Over policies and ideals. All to show who’s more superior. Who’s more right. They’ll decimate each other in the process, and the cycle repeats itself every generation. Doesn’t that sound exhausting?'”

"... glance at Nick, who nods subtly at me. Like he's proud of me. And I beam back at him. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to look at me like this, all the time. He knows the story, but he doesn't truly know what I've been through. But he still looks at me like this moment has lit up his day. It has me all sorts of gooey on the inside. Nick tugs me closer, leaving a kiss on my forehead that has me jumping out of my skin."

"'Keep talking like that and I'll show you what it means to be naughty.'
Her eyes flash. 'Oh, I like this side of the math teacher. Sweet and spicy, all in one.'
I shake my head. 'Drink your wine and fluff your branch.' ...
'Now all I can think about is every naughty tree euphemism I've ever heard. I mean, 'fluff your branch’? Mr. Monroe, the children!'
I can't help but laugh along with her. 'To be fair, every single time I mention 'putting up the tree' at this point, I have to stop myself from saying 'erecting the tree.'' She laughs harder, one hand over her chest... This is what I want my Christmases to look like. Laughter, red wine, and someone like Noelle fluffing my branch. It feels so easy."

"'Torturing me is your favorite pastime, isn't it?'
I nod... 'But afterward we get to enjoy the parade,' I say, in a mocking excited tone.
She rolls her eyes. 'The harder you work at your Cindy-Lou Who act, the harder I work at Grinching.'"

“If you interrupt me while I’m listening to my trees, I’m sending you home.”
Brooks laughs. “Okay. No talking while you’re listening to the trees.”
“And no rolling your eyes at me if it’s taking too long or asking when we’re leaving.”
“Check and check.” Brooks makes two check marks in the air. “I’ll follow you around like a little puppy and tell Hunter when we’re ready.”

“What meaning does a half-naked mermaid have?” Brooks laughs.
“Merman,” I correct, poking him in the muscular abs. “You just wish your abs were as good-looking as this.”
Brooks pulls his hoodie up, flashing me his stomach.
Fuck. Me. I should not have started this. How does Brooks not know the way he has me drooling over him?
“I think they are.”

"... I love you, Charlie. More than I ever thought possible. I never knew this was a kind of love that I could have. It shocks me every day that you chose me. That you love me and that I, for some lucky reason, get to love you back.”
“I think I’m the lucky one...”

"'I’m tougher than I look, I assure you. The strongest weapon a woman has at her disposal is that she is often underestimated,' I answer with a small smile. 'And I wield that all the time.'”

"... we are trading off blows and blocks as we toy with one another. It’s like a dance, and she is a fierce partner... One minute we’re flirting and the next we’re fighting—possibly even both at the same time. I can’t seem to figure this vicious girl out."

"I’ve never been looked at like it’s a privilege to be in my presence, an honor to hold my gaze, a gift to get a glimpse of me. Not until I met him. His mask slips, splinters, shatters, leaving only a boy beholding a girl like she is worthy of his wanting... I can’t help but long for this boy who has saved my life more times than I care to admit. This boy who is equally calculating and charming, equally cool and caring. The one who’s tended to my wounds, learned about my past, been my distraction when I needed it most. The one who understands me."

“I’ve always known I need validation like I need air and, although I don’t think he’s exactly the same, we are very similar. People have made us feel like we’re less than we are, and those opinions are buried deep in us both, like weeds. Every drop of self-doubt waters the soil, and once they start to grow it feels impossible to stop. But it isn’t impossible, it just takes someone to rip them out by the root, over and over if needed. We’re so different, and yet so similar, and part of me is starting to believe that’s the perfect mix.”

“‘... you’re not going to scare me with your feelings or your experiences, I promise. I know it’s not going to undo the other stuff, but I’m choosing to be here, and nothing you say to me is going to make me change my mind.’”