clovetra's reviews
204 reviews

fuck. this hit close to home.

i don’t have many words for this because it was incredibly short. not only was this <100 pages, but it was poetry, so there were not too many words.

i did enjoy the actual premise, and the plot was interesting and gritty. however, i felt i couldn’t connect with the characters due to the shortness of the text, and many things were lost on me due to not grasping the subtext (that’s a skill issue on my behalf, but it did affect my personal experience with this book).

i also really liked how signs are used alongside the text, and i would love to see a full expansion of this into a short story. 

this was. ok. i remember i read this in 2018 and i liked it…. but now i have a bit more criticisms i guess. 90% of this review is going to be spoilers because my criticisms of this book focus on very specific plot elements or characterisations. 

the main issue i have with this book is its “climax” so to speak. the big rising tension is that

sana has kissed caleb as she fears jamie is cheating on her with kelsey.

. however, this really annoyed me. for one,

sana is completely raked through the coals for kissing and leading caleb on and kissing him whilst she’s with jamie. ok sweet yes very much deserved. but why tf is jamie’s cheating brushed under the rug??? WHY DOES EVERYONE INCLUDING SANA AND JAMIE IGNORE THAT FACT?? the book makes it out to be that sana is horrible for what she’s done, but yet almost lets jamie get away with also cheating???? wtf???

. this actually annoyed me to no end, and even by the last page this point is never brought up.

another MAJOR ANNOYANCE was sana’s group of friends.

they say “we’re ok with u being gay xoxo” and then push caleb onto her to the point homegirl succumbs to the pressure.

like jesus fucking christ could they be anymore grating? and i’m ngl either every character in this book was actually the biggest asshole ever, or an idiot. or both. looking at you elaine. the characterisations in this book weren’t great, as honestly i didn’t care how jamie and sana’s “will they won’t they” saga ended because i found them, along with everyone else, incredibly mediocre, one dimensional, and downright unlikeable.

the plot itself…. didn’t exist. we follow sana in wisconsin bumming around, then we come to california, and at most she follows jamie like a puppy dog, sneaks out with her friends, and spies on her dad. there is no plot. there is no “oh no prom is coming up!” “oh no exams and ah i have a gf how will i balance it all?” nope! you literally just follow the characters as they vibe for 400 pages.

also, do you know that meme about the voltron fanfic with the bilingual character saying “que pasa? ah sorry it’s hard to switch back sometimes.” that was this book. i’m not saying characters cannot be bilingual and cannot speak in another language in dialogue. what i AM saying is that not only did it feel unnatural in its placement, but there was barely ever a translation offered, so i was just kind of guessing based on my high school knowledge of japanese. at one point a character speaks spanish and ill be honest i think i missed 80% of the conversation there. why oh why would you not offer a translation, or offer more context to what is being said in internal dialogue, context clues, etc.

so what did i actually like about this book, because i seem to be shitting on it to no end?

i really liked the way the social commentary was tackled in terms of racism and japanese cultural expectations. i liked that the author didn’t shy away from the fact that just because you are not white doesn’t mean you cannot be racist to other races. although it was incredibly hard to read about sana’s friends being racist towards latinos for the umpteenth time (not because it was badly written, but because i wanted to jump the characters), i do think it was necessary, and the conversations held in this book are very important, especially surrounding the situation at the 7/11.

i don’t really like that other than sana, no other “racist” gets their comeuppance, or hell even just…. stops being racist! that honestly did annoy me as well. why have them be such shit heads and then just…. only have sana be “redeemed”. like why wasnt caleb actually confronted for talking about how “asians are all the same”, or hanh about how latino students are “lazy”… why does sana go on the most racist rant known to mankind, then have jamie smooth it over, and wow race is forgotten about in the text.</spoiler). the theme of racism is important, but it wasn’t exactly resolved well. 

a theme that WAS resolved well was cultural expectations!!! i loved the continual religion of “gaman”, and where not only sana, but her entire family, change for the better. it was nice to not only see how sana’s family influenced her opinions & decisions, but to also see her recognise it in herself? great stuff.

umm what else can i say. this book was insanely predictable. characters felt flat. plot felt flat. really i only cared about finishing this to see the tea surrounding sana’s dad.

i wrote at 30% i thought he was gay and i was pleasantly surprised with what the text actually gave me!</spoilers>.

tldr; what was my taste in books at 14 yikes

look. i do think this is an important speech. i do think it tackles a subject that is quite important. but i think the conversation held in this book is very surface level. that may be because this book is now a decade old, but i did feel like this book barely grazed the surface of feminism is. i still think this is a good read though for those introducing themselves to feminism. 

i’m finding it very hard to describe how i feel about this book.

on the one hand, the prose is beautiful, i loved the fourth-wall breaks, and i loved how everything ended up tying together in the end, almost in an existential loop. the first part of the book’s horror was really strong, and had me hooked.

but on the other hand, the rest of the book felt weaker compared to the start, and i did not truly care what happened to our main character(s). also, the actual “bell chime” explanation felt disappointing to me, and the ending didn’t feel fully fleshed out.

i might check out kabbani’s other works in the future, but i defo did have a decent time with this! i mean im not expecting everything to be amazingly fleshed out for a novella. but i still wanted more.

oh ava reid. i was hoping that lady macbeth was a fluke, where the issues with the text were an issue confined to that novel alone. sadly i was proved wrong with this. i find that a lot of the issues i had with this novel are issues i had with lady macbeth.
for one, marlinchen has almost no discernible personality, and the same goes for every other character. they are stripped down to a few defining traits. undine? mean. the father? mean. sevas? wants more in life. marlinchen? obedient. really nothing else about them existed, which meant i couldn’t care less about what was affecting them.
the plot twists were incredibly predictable, and not fleshed out properly. not only did we have the main story about marlinchen and the ballet, but then we had all the murders, and the minute the first death was introduced i already knew who was behind it. i certainly didn’t guess why, but even then the explanation was weak. at times it felt like the text completely forgot it introduced the murder plot line, where the book would go pages without bringing it up. that plot point felt like it only had a beginning and an ending; it popped up when necessary and was resolved incredibly quickly. the plot point surrounding marlinchen at the end felt like it came out of left field, and made no sense within the text. it almost felt like it was introduced to have a revenge plot for marlinchen, but instead it felt out of place in the text. sure this is a story about witches and the magic used at this point felt like it fit in universe, but to me it didn’t feel like it fit tonally. marlinchen’s character growth also feels like it literally happens within the blink of an eye, and one moment she is an obedient daughter, and i blinked and now she’s almost done a complete 180 with her character.
the book also repeats itself so often with its dialogue. it feels like i was running in circles reading the same thing — her father is hungry, she goes to the ballet, sevas’ handler is angry, her father is angry, she’s never going to go back home, she goes back home, she’s leaving home forever, she returns home, on and on and on. every time a topic was brought back up again nothing was added to further the story, so instead i felt like i’d made no progress in the book and was over reading the same passage just worded slightly differently.
i’ll say i did enjoy reading this. i did want to know what happened next. but i won’t say i was particularly gripped or worried for the characters, because i wasn’t. honestly i just wanted to see what was going to happen, if the book would improve. i will say though, i was invested in finding out the “why” of the murders, and how sevas & marlinchen’s relationship progressed, and that was enough for me to have a decent time reading this. 
i think ill try and read two more reid novels, but after that i think i will move on, as im not particularly live laugh loving. 

this was one of my most anticipated reads for 2024 and i was…. disappointed.

the entire book feels like it is a book trying so hard to be weird girl fiction, to the point where it feels like a parody with no further depth. weird girl lit isn’t just a book where the female mc goes fucking bananas and murder and death and eeeee crazy lady! no. there is more to a weird girl book. and although this book addresses the fundamentals of weird girl literature, it fails to expand on that and grow. it stays stagnant for most pages. i am a firm believer in meta-commentary is very fun and interesting, but it only works if the book itself is fun. i understand that the repetition of certain phrases, events, days, etc. for the mother is essential to the plot, as it exists as a mirror to her life — a repetition of her days exists due to being a stay at home mother, where every day is full of nappies, naps, cartoons, trains, and no time for her art. i get that. but in order to pull that off your book still has to be interesting. and this didn’t feel like that. it felt like it wanted all the glory of weird girl lit without the work.

every character in this book felt flat. the husband being flat? sure i get that one, meta-commentary her husband is useless blah blah blah. the other mothers? sure i get it, meta-commentary, she lacks friendships beyond the surface level small talk mhm. but the mother should have had more depth as the plot progressed, as she grew. and the son seemed to only exist as a plot device, where his change felt… random? unnecessary? odd in the context of the book? 

where was the plot. i was waiting for some tension. something to drive the story. surely there would be something! i told myself. the answer? not really. by the end sure, we had the performance driving the narrative. but even then, that felt incredibly unexplored, and the rest of the story felt untethered and almost pointless.

additionally, there are just too many god damn unanswered questions.

for example, was jen actually the golden retriever? is nightbitch actually turning into a dog or is it metaphorical? why does nobody blink a fucking eye at a grown woman acting like a dog to the degree she does? why does the husband just accept it?

. i feel like these were left unanswered to add to the “mystery” of nightbitch, but instead it just made me feel like the writing was lazy.

although i’ve dunked on this book, beyond actual writing issues, i enjoyed myself. i had a good time. the mother’s internal dialogue was incredibly funny, and reading about her becoming more and more unhinged was enjoyable. even though i am not a mother (and will never be), i enjoyed the themes of motherhood, contrasting with the themes of being wild and animalistic, as well as the anger surrounding motherhood. i liked reading about the grittier sides of motherhood, where even the most open of people may shy away from expressing their feelings. 

i felt like everyone hyped this up way too much. this book was fine. this book was not, in fact, the best feminine rage book to exist. hell it wouldn’t even be in my top 10, and i don’t even think ive read more than 10 weird girl books. but im not annoyed that ive “wasted my time” on this book — on the contrary, i had fun! i was just very disappointed when people were hyping this up. first bunny and now this 😕 yall need to rlly learn what weird girl lit is. go read maeve fly by cj leede.

anyways im having steak for dinner and ngl i almost want to eat it like nightbitch just for shits and giggles 

i’m in spain but the s is silent

was i on drugs reading this? did i slip into an alternate dimension halfway through this book? am i alive? what in the ever loving fuck?

the blurb of this book does not clue the reader in to what fresh hell they are about to read. oh my god. i thought i was about to get something like severance and instead i got…. man i don’t even know what the fuck i got. what the fuck.

that’s all that’s going through my head — what. the. fuck.

i think its best if i break this review down into the three parts of the story, because honestly i have different views on all of them. although i will say OOOO i love when books have different POVs where all the characters eventually line up at one point in the story. like they meet each other at the midway point of the novel. i love it.

anyways, onto the first part with erin. easily the best part of the book. which makes sense because i believe snyder workshopped this for ages to the point where it was its own standalone. it was so good. i enjoyed erin’s characterisation, the plot, where it was going, the worldbuilding, everything. once the horror elements came in i was READDYYYY. i was loving it!!!!! esp the scenes with betty WHOOO didn’t expect that at all! ummm and then i think the author took crazy pills for the last chapter because then i was so fucking lost. hey what in the hell just happened? why is my pandemic book now turning into… god i can’t even describe what. i kinda felt like the ending ruined the perfection of erin’s story. like seriously what in the ever loving fuck happened. sure i know NOW what ended up happening but…. Cmon.

savannah’s story. Huh. i like how there was a link to erin’s story, although not directly, but the way savannah ties into this whole story….. yeah it’s a miss. some dialogue choices very much felt like i was reading the world’s worst booktok novel. like im sorry why is she talking about her father’s jizz after murder. at some point it felt like in savannah’s story, snyder decided to just write whatever fucked up thing popped in their head, and went with it without thinking if it would fit tonally or even make sense! like from here we went WAYYY beyond sci-fi and dystopias into god knows what. and i have to talk about that entire page where savannah sounds incredibly stilted after killing a black woman…. a direct quote from savannah is literally “that’s why i killed a strong, accomplished black woman who was pretty much the embodiment of the american dream”. that is the most hamfisted line i think i have had the displeasure of reading. savannah was a funny protagonist at times, but im so serious if it was her story alone this book would be a 2-star rating if only for the lols.

and the third part…….. it wasn’t even horrifically bad like savannah’s part, but it was just…. Meh. at this point i fully felt like i was taking every single hallucinogen known to man whilst reading this. mareva was pretty much a blank slate character, making her incredibly boring. coupled with the fact now suddenly there are aliens and shit, and time travel????? like what in the ever loving fuck is going on. at this point i was just waiting for the book to end. i do think the horror here was pretty good, defo better than what was in savannah’s part, but like i said, nothing came close to erin’s part. 

this book is so fucking wild. so odd. you really have to suspend your disbelief to have a good time with this one. erin’s part did prime me for the horrors of part 2&3, but  honestly parts 2&3 felt like they were apart of their own book away from part 1. overall, the writing was fun, vibrant and sardonic, although at some points it felt like the characters would almost break the fourth wall to then preach about something completely irrelevant. plus all the mentions of the covid-19 pandemic kept throwing me for a loop, as this book kept feeling like it was in an alternate dimension, yet it kept reminding me it is almost contemporary in its time period. 

this was weird. but i’d say i had a good time.

i am hesitantly skeptical regarding this book. let me get that out of the way first and foremost. if you are looking for a completely factual and scientific novel about sociopaths, this is not for you. do not go into this expecting a perfect crystal clear insight into a sociopath’s mind. 

however, with that being said, i did thoroughly enjoy this book. taking everything with a grain of salt, i do feel like this is a respectable insight into the mind of one sociopath. 

many online criticise this book for the author not being diagnosed, which i really don’t get because… she literally is. it’s the first page. she has an entire chapter going over the diagnostic process. secondly, people criticise the fact the author was (at the beginning) anonymous. as time has passed and M.E. thomas’ identity has been revealed, obviously that point is moot. but even if she was still anonymous, how many people can confidently sit there and say they wouldn’t have a negative gut reaction to someone in their life saying “oh hey i wrote that book. a book that details some horrible things i have done. and some thoughts that are definitely not considered normal. and how i have no empathy. and i view people as objects. yeah i wrote that.” even if everyone in the world read this book, you cannot sit here and tell me society is not  prejudiced against diagnosed sociopathy. and the final criticism i often see is that this book reads horribly. it reads like it is written by an unreliable narrator who is a raging narcissist. and like…. yeah it is! thomas literally discusses that. of course it reads like it’s written by a narcissist, that’s literally a “diagnostic criteria” for being a sociopath. oh it reads like she thinks she’s better than everyone? she does! that’s like a big thing of being a sociopath! oh she’s an unreliable narrator? duh. if you are taking every single story thomas proposes as gospel…. that isn’t her fault.

even though i do disagree with online crackpot theories that she isn’t a sociopath, i’m also not a psychiatrist, so i do want to take everything not posed as facts in this book with a grain of salt. but this was incredibly fascinating. i’ll say even if thomas is a “faker”, this defo has begun to make me see sociopaths in a different light. what with all the studies she cites, as well as her explanations of things such as how a sociopath experiences “love” and how to be a high functioning sociopath, i do think this book has really opened my eyes to a lot of my own biases. that isn’t to say this book has completely shattered my bias, as like i said i don’t want to completely trust this book, especially since it is not written by a professional but instead one person’s lived experiences, but this book has started the process. 

at the very least, i can confidently walk away from this book and say my preconceived notions of what it means to be a sociopath have changed. at the most, i can say this book has piqued my interest to the point i could almost see myself basing my honours degree on sociopathy.

i will say, however, completely unrelated to the actual material itself, that this book does use some outdated terminology, namely “aspie”, “aspergers” and “transgenders”. that isn’t to say this entire book should be thrown out because of it, but yet again, it makes me question how relevant this book still is, especially in terms of research and theories posited by thomas herself.

tldr; a good read for those with an interest in psychology, but don’t consider this a bible on sociopathy.