ripped me apart inside and out. i knew this book was infamous for its trigger warnings and sensationalized sobbing videos but i was in for a ride. i found myself relating to jude not in circumstances or life events, but in the way that he was written as a person, which is where yanagihara’s talent is showcased. the sadness in this book isn’t in the unraveling mystery of jude’s past like it appears at first, but in the nuanced way that it affects him and those who surround him. this was incredibly well-written, subtle in moments that seem to portray the absolute worst of humanity, and i know for a fact i will be rereading this in a couple years. 

that being said, i will never ever recommend this to anyone. it's an INCREDIBLY triggering book. although it's how i found it, seeing this advertised on tiktok and youtube makes my stomach turn. there's a maturity needed for this type of content and that should be acknowledged before reading. i'm not sure  if that's been emphasized enough.