“Being a soldier had been his escape, his flight from the demons that bound him.”

6 years ago, Ryan Kendall left his family and joined the SAS Regiment in Australia. From carrying guilt and sorrow of his past from a young age, to escaping his parents, he needed to go. But leaving the one that was his only reason for staying so long, he's never forgotten the pain and he's never forgotten her.
Along with his best friend and 'brother' Jake, Ryan continues to serve his country on deployments to Afghanistan, fighting the war. There, he has control and the world of war is all he really knows. Which leaves scars of its own.

“I’d have given you my entire heart if you’d only asked, but it’s not yours now. It’s not yours.”

Finlay Tanner had her heart consumed by Ryan ever since he helped her after tripping on the steps when she was a little girl. After that he grew on her the more time he spent at their house over the years, along with her brother Jake, becoming a part of their family. The night he came to her, to let her know that he was leaving, was the last time they spoke. 6 years ago.

“The Army, and the war, owned him – body and soul. Fin never stood a chance.”

Back from their latest deployment, Ryan and Fin are thrown into a whirlwind of feelings. They both know all those years ago, the feelings they had, but carrying on, Fin has moved on with someone else, trying to make a life for herself.

In the short while at home though, Ryan and Fin reconnect, and she can't deny that he's always been the something missing in her life. She's always belonged to him but she knows that it'll never be enough.

“The world doesn’t shine as bright without you in it. I miss you.”

When devastation hits both Ryan and Fin, their worlds are pushed and pulled, torn apart and flung together, colliding. In their grief, they collide, stumbling by together. Although they know they can't live without each other, Ryan isn't sure about what's good for Fin. Being around her could only remind her of the pain of their loss.

“What if love wasn’t enough for them? Would it heal the deep lacerations life had placed on his heart, or would he always be so completely broken that he would never fully be hers?”

And feeling more broken than ever, the burden Ryan carries only catches up to him in his turmoil over Jake and committing to Fin. Following his dream to be in the SAS, to save lives and to prove his worthiness to his family, Ryan only wants to see Fin happy and letting no one, especially him, get in the way of her life.
But he also sees that following his dream, meant that foolishly he was running from his past.

“Both of you share something that is so far beyond love it won’t ever die.”

Dealing with his life at home, another world outside of the dusty deserts and the sound of bullets ringing, Ryan makes a start and having a life with Fin is everything he's ever wanted. The love they have is something that nothing at the warzones has ever brought to him and he comes to realize that. For Fin, life has been good loving Ryan, the way it always should've been. They've always belonged to each other, although the grief of their loss hangs over them, and Ryan even more so.

“When I come back from Afghanistan, I don’t want you here. I don’t …” He paused and took a deep breath. “I’ve always said to you not to let anyone stop you from being who you need to be, and that includes me.”

They are everything to each other. But Ryan can't let go of the war and he feels it's now his duty to go back more than ever after all they've been through. When Fin finds out the wrong way though, he knows he can never go back to her, especially when he finds her planning to put her life on hold for him. He knows the day he doesn't come back for her, she'd be ruined. And he wasn't worth that.

“Stop trying to be a hero all the time. You’re so busy saving everyone else you forget about yourself.”

With life changing events, Fin ends up putting her plans on hold anyway. Ryan leaves for Afghanistan. But he didn't tell her exactly when. And she misses the chance to tell him, or to even say goodbye, not knowing if it's the last time she'll ever see him.

“Someone once said to me that I've always been his, and that even if he never got to keep me, I'd still be his. Well I'm yours, Ryan, and even if you have to leave me, I'll always be yours.”

Wow. I haven't cried so much over a book like this since 'All The Bright Places'. I guess in comparison, the events in ATBP were special because the characters were so unique.

“There are no goodbyes in life. Only see you later.”

But in Fighting Redemption, the situation is happening all over the world every goddamned day.

Boys, men, heck even women! Going out into warzones, not knowing if they'll ever be coming back. Leaving behind their livelihoods. Their families.

“I can’t live without you either,” he whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks, “but I’m going back. You know that, right?”

The scars. The tasks they endure every day. The sights they see. The sacrifices they make. They sacrifice our lives for us. To try and make the world just in a way that although is ugly, horrific and soul destroying, but sadly, in a lot of cases, necessary.

The romance, yes was a novel thing, created to shape the story.

But the pain of living when half your life in Hell. I felt that.

The pain of leaving your loved ones and family. I felt that.

The struggle. The effects. I damn well felt it in this book.

And the suffering of the people at home. Not knowing. Wondering if they'll ever get the knock on the door and if it'll be the end of everything they wanted to live for.

I felt it. And it angers me. That this happens every goddamn day. That people go through this. Every day.

“There is no end. Brothers forever.'

Don't ever forget those words.
I love you, brother.
Jake.”

I'm not saying I understand. But I just felt. The tears never stopped. My mind never rested while reading this book. I hardly spoke to friends during the two days. I didn't do my homework. My mind was so consumed. Obsessed, almost sickly fascinated and yet heart broken for the reality that this book faced me with.

“There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.”

So with this review and eye opening book for me, I just wanted to put it down. Here.

That to all those who have served. I salute you. I love you. And if I ever thought I could handle that life, I would join you. You have my gratitude for giving your lives in anyway that you have to serving your country. I have utmost respect and yet, I hold hope that the world will one day come to peace, where no one is asked to give up and dedicate their one chance at life to take up a gun and fight.

To all those who have family in the military, have had in the past. My thought are with you in your daily struggles. I forever more shall keep all those who have been affected by war in my thoughts and prayers.

To Ashley,

On a personal note, Ashley if you read this, I had your Papi in my mind a lot whilst reading this book and I probably shed a lot of tears thinking of how real the situation truly is when it came to your family. My thoughts were and always will be with you and your heroic Papi.

Because he was a freaking hero.