bell hooks’ discourse on love was simply a tour de force in all about love: new visions that it continues so in communion: the female search for love. not only did this somewhat broke my reading slump (devoured it in one whole day basically) but it fed me what i needed to hear for the past weeks. not that i’m in any rocky state when it comes to my love life — i’m very much content with where my partner and i stand at the moment and very much would never trade this for anything else — but in a sense where i needed it as a reassuring comfort to my troubled inner self which i’ve been trying to tame for the past weeks.

communion: the female search for love feels like an extension of all about love: new visions and although i know that they’re a part of a whole series yet they’re not necessarily connected to one another, this particular one felt like so to me as hooks once again explored the politics and societal standards on love. but more specifically aimed at our notions of love in times of girlhood to womanhood.

bell hooks' words never fails to make me crumble down to my knees at how much i am reminded of myself, my life and of the people around me. to witness love in your everyday life without realising it and now the memories of every tiny, microscopic thing rushing back to the front of your mind felt somewhat overwhelming and that’s how much her discussions on love and the search for it made me felt as i was reading it; overwhelmed by the reminders of my own journey with love and the ideas i had of it as a hopeless romantic prior to where i stand right now.

[perhaps i will continue to expand my thoughts on this book later in the day or even someday as i need to rush to sleep but here are a few of my favourite quotes off the book that i find myself resonating with deeply and made me realised every facets of my being and my own relationship with the notion of love] :

“many of us have been afraid to acknowledge that “love matters,” for fear we will be despised and shamed by women who have come to power within patriarchy by closing off emotions, by becoming like the patriarchal men we once critiqued as cold and hard-hearted.”

“we, women who love, are among a generation of women who moved beyond the patriarchal paradigms to find ourselves. the journey to true selfhood demanded of us the invention of a new world, one in which we courageously dared to rebirth the girl within and welcome her into life, into a world where she is born valued, loved, and eternally worthy. loving that girl within has healed the woundedness that often led us to search for love in all the wrong places.”

“we wanted to be girls forever. as girls we felt we had power. we were strong and fierce and sure of ourselves. somehow, as we made our entrance into the realm of young womanhood, we began to lose power.”

“my strategy for a happy life consisted of a plan to keep the good stuff from the old ways and blend it with the best of the new stuff coming in. while this strategy made for good theory, it was hard practice. and lots of stuff failed. the failure hurt most when it came to love.”

“this desire to understand and know love followed me from girlhood into womanhood; it was the ruling passion of my life. as i matured emotionally, the nature of that obsession changed. [...] i begin to realize that the paths to love are many and the way of loving is one. and more than ever i knew it was possible for women to know love’s delight throughout our lives.”

“significantly, we know, having learned through much trial and error, that true love begins with self-love. and that time and time again our search for love brings us back to the place where we started, back to our own heart’s mirror, where we can look upon our female selves with love and be renewed.”

“searching for love, i found the path to freedom. learning how to be free was the first step in learning to know love.”

“a passion for love had to be kept secret—unstated. to speak one’s longing was to risk shame. those who knew love enjoyed its delights in private, and those who did not know love suffered in silence. no feminist woman proclaimed loudly that she was looking for love. all of us were encouraged to act as though the workforce, careers, and money were more important than love.”

...and more but i shall allow you to explore the brilliant mind of bell hooks as you pick this one up on your own