Buckle up, I’ve got a lot to say. I knew almost nothing going into this book other than the library didn’t have The Guncle available and I needed something to listen to on my 3-hour drive up to my mom’s house. Turns out the premise is about a guy whose dog has a malignant tumor and how he copes with losing the love of his life while dealing with the fact that he’s sort of given up on himself and being happy in any real way.

Um, hi? Hello? How did someone get access to my life story??

I’m not a 42-year-old gay man but that’s where the differences stop. My dog was diagnosed with cancer this summer—a malignant nerve cell sheath tumor. At 11 years old, it wasn’t unexpected, but it was still devastating. Much like the MC Ted, my guy has been with me through the absolute worst of the worst. Losing him was unthinkable.

Ted goes into straight denial mode, which is the only reason this book loses a half-star. I’m far too pragmatic to find fairytale daydreams cathartic in anyway, but I appreciate the metaphor for what it is. How do you fight something unfightable? Especially when that thing is part of the person you love. You make it separate, you make it other, you call it an octopus and you battle it on the high seas.

Because I have zero self-care skills, I also felt like I should continue to listen to this book before and immediately after driving to the vet to have my 17-year-old cat put to sleep. I’ve had that cat since 6th grade and now I’m almost 30.

So yeah, this book had me sobbing like a baby.

I’m lucky. I had the means and support to get my dog the best care and he’s cancer-free for now. But he’s old. And death is inevitable. I hope, like Ted, I can learn to live in the present moment like a dog does, learn to not sully good moments with thoughts of an inevitable future, and let myself get hurt, because that’s the only way you can really truly experience love in any of its forms.

fun fact: narrator Michael Urie is the MC of the new gay netflix xmas movie Single All the Way!