This book was like a car crash. You want to look away, you find yourself equal parts intrigued and terrified but also pitting and a little disgusted. The narrative pushes forward with an inevitability belied only by the sheer amount of nonsense that happens between our main characters. Professors, administrators, PhD and Masters students, discussions of poison and sex and marriage and obsession - and it's all weirdly open. Like, everyone knows they're all (except Nell, poor Nell) sleeping around and pretending they're settled in their established relationships.

But the core of the book is Nell's obsession with her (former) PhD advisor, Joan Kallas. When Nell is expelled from the program after an accidental death in the lab, she's aimless beyond wanting Joan's approval. That desire for approval and validation morphs into a sexual attraction as Nell's ex-boyfriend starts sleeping with Joan. And they all just... Talk about it, even though it's exceedingly uncomfortable. And we sit there and watch as Nell's entire life implodes.

The audiobook narrator had the perfect flat/matter-of-fact delivery that really brought Nell to life, especially as we watch her spiral and her thoughts ping-pong between equally impossible and/or unlikely things. It's not a book I can necessarily recommend but it was certainly a fascinating way to spend a day.