"Some nights I prayed to God or the devil — I wasn't picky about which one answered — to make me not gay."

This almost reads like a novel, and I mean that as a compliment — memoirs/biographies are my favorite nonfiction books because I love reading about people. I really appreciated how blunt some of these passages were, including excerpts from his diary and a play he wrote, and the fact that Hutchinson challenges but doesn't gloss over the harmful beliefs he held as a teen. (My one unaddressed issue is that there are a few parts that could be seen as

Spoiler

bi erasure, such as when a crush shows interest in a girl so he's presumed to be straight, and the fact that the only LGBTQIAP+ identities that appear in this book are "gay" and "lesbian"

, though I recognize that these scenes are drawn entirely from personal experience so they don't have an obligation to be wholly representative.)

Reading this book is like having a heart-to-heart with an older sibling or peer mentor. The writing flows; though the chapters are short, they're illustrative. Hutchinson tempers vulnerability with both humor and seriousness: self-deprecating jokes, snide remarks about societal stigmas, thoughtful content warnings, and down-to-earth reassurances that while life isn't a fairy tale with an easy happy ending, it does get better.

content warnings:

Spoiler

suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, self-harm, sexual assault, homophobic language, internalized homophobia, mentions of drug use

rep: author - gay, demisexual/grayace, depression, ADHD
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CONVERSION: 13.75 / 15 = 5 stars

Prose: 8 / 10
Intellectual Engagement: 8 / 10
Credibility: 10 / 10
Organization / Structure: 9 / 10

Emotional Impact / Interest: 5 / 5
Rereadability: N/A
Memorability: 5 / 5