i lowkey knew that i wouldn't like this one based on my previous experience with rooney's books and writing overall. the style itself of not knowing when a person is speaking also throws me off and it's really confusing to read a book by her (thank fuck I was listening to the audiobook along with the e-book version).

it's so interesting how different the POVs of the two brothers were. like, I can't judge the book as one thing because they were so distant in a way, as if they were written by two different people. i liked that kind of. Peter's POV to me was really boring, couldn't get focused on a single chapter and get it through my skull. i think it was close to the third part where I finally could get into his storyline but it was so far in that it didn't matter anymore as I was already looking forward to reading more of Ivan's part. Peter's internal problems and the ones with his surroundings quite differentiate and I sort of liked the "train of thought" writing but it was so messy!!!! it was just a jumble of words to me. that being said, I am also a person of a story and the internal problems rarely get to me because nothing is happening, there is no movement in the story and for me to like a book it has to be pretty dynamic.

now for Ivan's part! his character quite intrigued me since I connected him with Charlie from Flowers for Aldernon. this comes from a sentence from Peter in the beginning of the book about Ivan being autistic and it has stayed with me throughout the entire book. he was acting very childish at some moments and I'm trying to excuse this as a "he's still young" but also?

blocking your brother's phone... cussing him off because he doesn't approve of your relationship? girl. relax. now this I know comes from his internal family issues with getting the oh so beloved aproval from his big brother but that should not be the standard.

the whole character of Ivan was just more fascinating and it lacked the self-centeredness of Peter's one which was really nice. he was also the one that had his life as if more "in his own hands" which contradicts with the way he was acting in those moments with his brother. I'm wondering if the comment about Ivan being autistic is meant actually and not just thrown into the book meaninglessly by Rooney (I really hope not because it would make a lot of sense if ivan actually was! based on my own feelings and thoughts).

there was something about this book that's so pretentious and I cannot explain what it is exactly. maybe it was the writing style of Peter's chapters. it also draggedddddd. i dislike books that drag out for nothing! like 440+ pages for what????? the ending wasn't even that good. i see all the bookstagramers and bookworms around me loving this book but I do not see what's so exceptional about her writing? it's just messy, not coordinated and quite annoying with the punctuation. i admire her for the character building she does but that does nothing for my story-loving brain.

at some point, I'll really need to just drop the "vibes no plot" trend, maybe this book was the final boss.