This book moves in slow motion. The story is “high stakes” but Vega, the protagonist, gets distracted by a postcard of the Eiffel Tower when she’s supposed to be saving the world. The story drags the reader across the landscape, hitting every fucking bump in the road as you realize there are approximately 30 people in the entire universe. You’re like the protagonists, starved for days while fed itty bitty pieces of underwhelming storyline as you wonder why the horse is going 5 miles an hour on the freeway. It’s because everyone is frozen — well actually, moving backwards in time; they’re already gone, and the only reason you’re still moving forward is because that tiny little thing called plot.

Then, you reach the supposed climax, staring into the void, anticipating the final… the final… action? You teeter for an age, everything and everyone winking out of existence, but when you start to fall over the cliff, the universe finally gasps out its last frosty breath. You spend the last seconds of your life suspended over a void watching the heat death of the universe book until you too lose all momentum… no energy left to finish the