Even if you are perfect, the world isn't.

The days are long, but the years are short.

This book is so much in its 200 pages that i don't even know where to start trying to explain this book.

Paul -because after reading this book there is nothing else you can call him, you feel so connect to him, the life he had, as if we became part of his family, as if he invited us into his inner circle of trusted friends, to share is thoughts with- and his story are not necessarily unique but the way he tells it defiantly is.

He talks about so much: his love for literature in all ways -be it books themselves, the stories they tell or the messages authors might try to tell through them- or his endless thirst for understanding the brain -how it works, how it functions, how and why and what????- his love for learning, understanding aspiring to be good, great and do good, his best.
He shares his love for his family, his friends and his field of work, but also his doubts about it all.

where did biology, morality, literature, and philosophy intersect?

I think one of the biggest things that made me instantly connect with him as a person was his fascination with death and trying to understand it.

Not in the "why is death/why do we have to die?" way but in the "what is death? What does it mean, how does it work, what does it involve, why do we fear it so much even thought we all know its coming?" kind of way. The way of just wanting to learn, and maybe understand it better.
Not out of a morbid fascination -or maybe not just because of that i guess depending on how you see it yourself- but because its something unavoidable and clearly such a big part of life. But at the same time, what do we actually know about it?
How come big life changing things have to happen to us before we actually appreciate life as we knew it before?
What is it about looking "death into the eye" that makes us change our life into something different instead of doing it right away?

There are so many questions Paul asks, that i have wanted answers to as well for so long.
And he doesn't give answers.
He couldn't, no matter how hard he might have tried, since really how could anyone?

But it was nice to see it in a book, reading about another person struggling with connecting different areas of humanity that so many people try almost desperately to separate and seeing him trying to connect the two.

At the same time he shares his journey through medicine, from his childhood where he grew up with a doctor as a father that wasn't home as often as he wished his father to be home and the firm believe that he himself-Paul- would never become a doctor because he didn't want his own children to grow up the same way -wishing he would be home more instead of tending to patients, through to understanding that if he wanted to learn and understand more of what he found so interesting he would have to become a doctor, to the moment he completely fell in love not only with the field of medicine but also accepting the hardships that come with that and accepting those as a trade to finding something he loved doing.

And of course he talks about his illness and how it is killing him and how that changes his life in every way.
And that was the other part that made me feel almost to connect to his story.
The way he talks about becoming sick, being ill, how the world sees you, how it changes you, how its a struggle in so many more ways that you can't understand until you go through it no matter how hard to try to understand before.
He is honest about sickness, honest about what it feels like to loose control of your own body in many ways the most people -thankfully to them- will never have to face in their lives.
How horrifying that can be- but also eye opening.
How you learn to pretend to be okay with it, until someday you notice... maybe its actually okay, that its okay. That is doable. different, but doable.
I think its one of the best descriptions of illness that i have read so far -and i have read a good number of books on the topic since i am not that much different than Paul himself was in the way that if i try to understand what i personally am going through i try to find the books about it, just like Paul tried too.

Thankfully i have his book now as a reminder that there are author people out there that understand -even if that mind sound strange or once again morbid to some people. If you are struggling through an illness, its very isolating, its lonely even if you are surrounded by people that love you and support you and help you as best as they can. You feel alone and as if you are the only one going through it. Which is not at all the case, but this book and Paul himself, i think, manages to really drive that home. And give another sick person the feeling that "look, you are not alone, and your thoughts and feeling and struggles, especially those that you are NOT saying out loud to your family members are NOT just your struggles, thoughts and feelings." and i really appreciated that.

Severe illness wasn't life-altering, it was life-shattering.
it felt less like an epiphany - piercing burst of light, illuminating what really matters - and more like someone had just firebombed the path forward.

This book is honest and raw and leaves you feeling a little broken.

But also happier that you went through it, that you got to meet Paul, take a walk along him for a little while and will remember him for a while after finishing this book.

And i am glad i read this book now, just as i am glad that i waited until now to read it.

This is not a book you can just pick up any time and just read it.
I don't think so at least.
Not because its not a good read, but because its not the type of book that allows for you to just fly through it and forget about it.

I am so happy that Paul, his wife, daughter and family have this book and gave it to the world to read as well.

I am very happy i read it and spend the hours with it.
And i already know that i will re-visit this book quiet often in the future.
And even though i very rarely or even ever say this to or about a book: I am truly thankful to have had this experience and had the change to read this book.