There’s a lot of weird family drama surrounding this memoir. I read every Goodreads post and the posts on Twitter from the other family members, and it’s extremely confusing. I don’t want to deny the experience of the family members speaking out against this author, but I found a lot of their comments super inflammatory and at one point Grace’s sister-in-law blames her for her mother’s death which is super uncomfortable. I’m also hesitant to believe people that accuse others of having “victim mentalities”. 

Additionally, I’m extremely hesitant to be the kind of person to pick apart memoirs and wonder about inconsistencies or “farfetched” situations. Human memory is fickle especially when combined with immense trauma. I think Grace’s perspective is valid and I don’t think she made an attempt to speak for any member of her family, but rather to share her experience as a first-generation immigrant, and how it intertwines with her mother’s story. 

Although her family members say it’s easy to verify her information via census reports, I did attempt to look into it and couldn’t find anything easily accessible. Regardless of whichever side is right, there is clearly an immense amount of grief, tragedy, and trauma that has generational effects. There is also clearly an immense amount of shame around Grace’s mother’s schizophrenia, and shame in admitting to conflict and trauma in the family. I think both of these issues are core to the book’s theme. 

Finally, there is a statement released by the Korean publisher who published the translated version of this book in Korea that you can find here. Obviously it’s written in Korean but it’s understandable once translated; it includes a statement from Grace’s close friend who was present around her mother often and was present during the time of her mother’s death. 

So… what a mess I guess? I find it weird to try to disregard somebody else’s trauma and “prove them wrong”, but I do find it concerning that there’s a possibility her mother did not consent to Grace’s research or publishing of her story. 

As a memoir, I found it to be solid but quite disjointed. I understood the story Grace was trying to tell, and I think the book opens up some interesting perspectives on schizophrenia, especially as it relates to marginalized people, and intertwining it with the experience of mother/daughter is very compelling. She is a talented writer and writes with emotion and a clear voice, and I do believe that writing this (whether it’s real or fiction) helped her heal in some way, and that’s important. I felt the depiction of Grace’s mother was done with a gentle touch and obvious care, but other family members feel differently. 

I do find it important to note that, although there were clear issues between Grace and her brother as shown in the book, she was extremely respectful of him and only included him marginally and did not make assaults on his character, even though they clearly had differing beliefs regarding their mother and her treatment (as Grace explains herself). I also appreciated Grace’s intersectional view of her mother; I felt it helped to paint a three-dimensional picture of her mother, as someone more than just an ill person. I found it to be complicated in a beautiful way. 

Sooo because of all that I’m giving it a neutral 3 stars. Definitely check out her brother’s review on Goodreads, read the statement from the publisher, watch a couple interviews with Grace, and decide for yourself.