what the fuck????????????????????????
i actually cannot explain my thoughts on this book well.
i'll say PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHECK THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!!! this is the second murata book ive read so i thought i was safe not checking the trigger warnings. i was Wrong. 
ummmm all i can say is that this book was incredibly fucked up. and yet i enjoyed the underlying story.
natsuki kind of reminds me of tomie in the best ways? both are women who are dangerous and are trying to make the best out of a society that sexualises them. and i loved tomie, so i love natsuki.
her husband gave me incel vibes if im honest. it seems like murata loves having her main characters have incel partners which is a choice!
ummm honestly there were many moments where i had to pause and put this book down. like i am quite desensitised to horrifying things (thanks mum for letting me have unrestricted internet access /sarc) but this book is the most vile work ive ever read. or seen. 
i also enjoyed how unhinged this book became. i love how there's no plot and its just natsuki trying to avoid having to fulfill her womanly duties because. same. minus the um. crimes. obviously.
i was so close to giving this a 5 star because this was so unique and captivating but simply because of how ill some plot lines made me feel i did not want to read this book multiple times. i took a couple days' break from reading this simply because of the scene with her teacher. no not the last one the one in the middle. im not spoiling but i felt nauseous. usually im good at internalising the awful feelings media gives me but NEVER has a work given me a physical reaction until this book. 
sayaka murata you will always be famous.