Ho boy, where do I even begin with this.

I had a massive love/hate relationship with this book for a variety of reasons. I picked it up during a sale and the summary of two ladies falling in love enticed me, plus the reviews looked good. I hated this book initially. It wasn't until the halfway point in the story that I gained interest again, only to have the abrupt, rushed ending tick me off. So let me focus on the bits I did like before I start yelling at clouds.

I really enjoyed Wyck as a character. I related with most of her sentiments and I was more or less rooting for her well-being the entire story. The scene with her in the forest at night was hands down the best part of the whole book. Sadly, I didn't feel like she had much in terms of character development. Sure, after one particular incident in the book, she has some trauma, but once she gets over that, she's back to how she usually is.

I also loved the narrative

once Wyck and Margaret were separated by distance. They both were able to focus on themselves and heal, Margaret way more so than Wyck. I had a hard time putting this book down during that part of the story due to how engaging it was. Muriel was also stellar, as was Michaela. Both of them stole the show each time they appeared.

...and that's kind of it in terms of what I enjoyed.

The first half of this story is torture. And not like a good torture that you'd get out of a slow burn romance, but just painful to read. It would be awesome if there could be a LGBTQ+ romance without all the angst and Tragic Backstory tied to one's sexual identity. It makes more sense from Margaret's end, considering she's older and grew up with not that open-minded of a family (though her badass mom did come around, so kudos to her), but Wyck's from New England? And in her 30s? And this book isn't that old timeline-wise? I had a really hard time believing that as someone who is also from New England, queer, and in their 30s. And I get it. That shit happens, unfortunately and it's awful, but it felt way less about a romance and more about the two of them (ok, again, Margaret more so than Wyck) coming to terms with who they are. I didn't come here for the sap story of why's it is So Hard to like women; I came here for the ladies to smooch and be lovey-dovey together and... yeah, didn't get that. Hell, I was even game for most of the story being about how they can't be together due to

Gavin being around, but then he dies halfway through and then... they don't... get together??? Margaret is too damn worried about, oh no, the house, and oh no, my job... and it's like, bitch, just shut up and move in with your cute new girlfriend? Fuck the horrible place you work at that has never appreciated your work? Fuck your even shittier "family" for pulling all that crazy bullshit? WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND YOU'RE THE ADULTIER ADULT IN THIS SCENARIO WOW.

And Tragic Backstories aside, I just... didn't care for them as a couple. Like I just wanted Wyck to flip off Margaret and go do her own thing, maybe with finding someone else along the way. Wyck deserved better. Like SO MUCH BETTER. Every time they kissed, I was going, "But why?" Even when they

banged before Margaret headed out

, I was just sighing and rolling my eyes.

Also, WOW, how hard is it to write a LGBTQ+ story without making said queer characters out to be Bad People. Legit, the two gay guys are 1) an absolute asshole (who semi redeems himself, but the transition into that was bumpy at best) who is a shitty friend to Margaret until the plot requires him to come out of nowhere and save her and also is

forced out of his job for getting arrested for having sex with a dude in a public bathroom

and 2) an actual pedophile who was released from jail and is violently attacked when Dickbag McDickface tips of a local newspaper that he's out and about. Aside from the fact I had zero sympathy for either of them the entire story, it would have been nice, for a change of pace, if the only gay guys in the book weren't painted as such disgusting individuals. Geez, even when Wyck was trying to reason with herself that David couldn't have been that bad because he had a consensual relationship with one of his teenage students just... nope. I don't even care if these two characters exist, but at least let another gay guy exist in the story who isn't abhorrent so it comes across less like The Gays Be Evil. Hell, even with Muriel's friend, who had her lady lover die without anyone knowing they were together... like really? REALLY??? And don't even get me started on Gavin's backstory (cool story bro, you're still a homophobic asshole, and fuck you Margaret for trying to convince Wyck otherwise). The shit with Margaret and Wyck is already enough of a dose of woe is me. We really didn't need the bonus round of melodrama.

And it's hard, because I understand a lot of this is sadly still present in the LGBTQ+ community. I understand wanting to capture the raw truth of that. But wow, it does not do this story any favors when it ends up painting a picture that makes you wonder if the author even gives a shit about queer individuals.

The only thing worse than that was the writing style. So many people have written reviews stating how lovely the writing was and I can't help but think if I even read the same book as everyone else. Everything felt so stale and stiff and bleh. The pacing is horrible, constantly jumping from place to place without so much as a hint. One chapter could be one month and then it skips to the next season in the following chapter. And half the time I didn't know where the characters were until the next page or so. Everything is going by so fast and I wish the author just SLOWED DOWN and basked in a couple of moments. It felt like there were so many ideas for scenes that needed to be shoved in quickly. The inner monologues were so jarring with how they were implemented. Sometimes thoughts are just italics and make sense, while other times it's an actual in quotes conversation WHILE ALSO IN THE MIDDLE OF ACTUAL DIALOGUE. Literally every chapter has at least one (1) case of, "*insert snarky thing here*," was what she wanted to say, but didn't. Why... why can't that be in italics. She didn't say it. Stop making it look like she said it.

And the telling... dear freaking lord, the telling.... A vast majority of the time, the descriptions are just telling you what someone sees or does or feels. So few times I'm shown how the rain is washing over a window or how the flowers smell in spring or how the characters just want to scream or whatever. It was boring to read. I didn't feel engaged with the characters or the setting or the anything. It came off like sloppy, lazy writing than anything I could lose myself in.

I started this off as three stars, only to realize halfway through my review that I had way too many issues with this book. I did enjoy it, though only for a portion of the book. Even then, the poor writing made it less enjoyable than I wanted it to be. I guess on the plus side, if it wasn't for the bits I honestly enjoyed, this would have been a one-star rating. And even then, I would never recommend this book, especially not to my fellow queer friends.