I didn't like this as much as I thought I would. It started off strong. The main character is quite messy, and self-destructive. She struggles with body image and self-harm. For most of the book I empathised with the MC but after she did something bad to her boyfriend I struggled to be on her side. 

This book does a good job at representing an incredibly toxic relationship. And it is toxic from both sides. Our protagonist and her boyfriend Cieran are "bad" in their own ways. They have their own issues which are the reason for all the ways they punish each other. By the end of the book, Cieran shows his "evil" side, and even SA's our protagonist. That was horrible to read. I felt truly disgusted with Cieran. No matter what the narrator did or said, she did not deserve to be treated that way. Her liking and phantasizing about being hurt during intercourse, does not give her boyfriend permission to do what he did.

The narrator is written as a complex character. Since the novel is written in 1st person perspective, we get to see all her thought processes and none of them are positive or healthy. She is quite the unlikeable character; relatable in some ways and completely alien in others. For the most part I liked being in her head and knowing why she did what she did but after some time it got tiring. Throughout the story, the narrator's life spirals out of control, and it's not easily digestible. I got angry at her, and I was disappointed how readily she let herself be used and abused. I think the point of this book is to show all those ugly parts of a woman's life; and how tough is it to feel like you have some power in life, and in relationships with men.

The book ends with our narrator slowly gaining some confidence and control back. She is in a different country, and one of her friends came to visit her. At the very end of the book, their brief affair is shown but this time the roles are reversed. She even compares herself to Cieran because now she is the one who is detached, and her friend is the dependent one in the relationship. The idea behind this part is good but the execution felt rushed.

While I think this book is an okay addition to the trend of unhinged mentally ill woman, it didn't present anything new or original. I don't think I will reread this book, and I'm pretty sure I'll forget about it soon.