I picked up this book largely out of curiosity. As someone who grew up in a sexually repressed conservative religious community, I am drawn to honest discussions about sex.

But this was a difficult read, because the threesome in this book is problematic. The protagonist, Eve, is cheating on her girlfriend, and the other woman in the relationship, Olivia, works for Nathan, the sole man in the threesome. In that regard, this book reconfirmed my previous biases about threesomes—that jealousy will abound and people will get hurt.

But this book is not really about a threesome. It’s about two queer women who are inexplicably seeking sexual satisfaction from a cis white male. For Eve, it seems that her needs are not being met in her same-sex relationship. She is an exceptionally beautiful woman, and she feels like her girlfriend doesn’t fully appreciate her body. She also finds it stressful to navigate and initiate relationships with women. Nathan, on the other hand, is powerful, confident, and self-assured, and he knows exactly what to do with Eve’s body.

I think each person might get something different from this book, but to me, this book was further proof of the widespread damage inflicted by patriarchal power structures. These are two queer women who are turning to a straight white male, because “he seemed utterly capable of determining our value.”

Eve’s life and upbringing could not be more different from mine, yet I share her hang-ups! She says, “we had been brought up to be wary toward all women’s bodies.” It was the same for me. As a teenager, I was taught to dress modestly, as though my body was a weapon that might unintentionally harm men. It has taken me half a lifetime to be comfortable in my own skin, to be proud of my femininity without worrying about its effect on others.

The world Eve inhabits makes her feel insecure as a woman, so she turns to a toxic male for security. She is drawn to Nathan because “his faith . . . was beyond any possibility of crisis. His knowledge and his instincts were perfectly congruent.” I identified with this impulse. For much of my life I allowed my dad to exert far too much control in my life because he just seemed SO DAMN CERTAIN. And if he approved of me, it felt absolute: I must be valuable if he thought so. I had to summon every ounce of courage I possessed to step away from the illusory safety of my family and find my worth apart from them.

I loved this book because it was so thought-provoking, but I disliked the characters. These people complain about capitalism but treat their friends like shit. Eve is wary of money and privilege, but she doesn’t hesitate to cheat on her girlfriend. I just think, who cares about corrupt systems of power if you can’t treat the people closest to you well?

Still, I'm glad I read this book, and now I want all my friends to read it so I can discuss it with them!