This was genuinely one of the worst reading experiences of my entire year, and honestly, the only reason I made it to the end of this 750-page monstrosity is because I crowd-funded it.

I know reading is entirely subjective, but I truly believe this is as close to objectively bad as it gets. How many different ways is it bad?

- The main character has to be one of the biggest Not Like Other Girls girl I've read in a long time. This isn't subtext or vibes, either. She genuinely has multiple speeches about how she's DIFFERENT, and she doesn't want what the other girls want, like 2.5 children (girl, what year is it). She CURSES and wears A SEPTUM RING.

- In addition to the inherent misogyny of the NLOG, there was a bunch of other slut shaming surrounding the oft-mentioned but rarely-seen puck bunny. This book took so many opportunities to remind us that even though that Rachel was a DOCTOR DATING HER PATIENTS because she was so horny for hockey players, at least she wasn't like EW, PUCK BUNNIES because PUCK BUNNIES ARE THE WORST.

- Rache's motivation, characterization, and decision-making were all over the place. She told us that she was very career-motivated and that she wanted to keep her relationships private, but then she's like, "Ah, it should be okay if I date my patients, and I'll just have sex in public places, and it should be fine." The book repeatedly told me that Rachel was competent while showing me an entire mess of a character. I genuinely did not enjoy her.

- This entire book has a tone problem. It's so completely unserious. The plot reads like a bad soap opera, but long-lost father reveals and all. Everything is painfully convenient. It's often got very slap-sticky humor. AND YET, it fills out so many of its pages with very self-serious grand declarations. It felt like we were having the same damn conversation about their relationship OVER AND OVER AND OVER, and it was taking it VERY SERIOUSLY while also being in an UTTERLY RIDICULOUS BOOK.

- The writing was mostly fine, I guess, except that Rath has a serious dialogue tag problem. Everyone in this book would NOT STOP muttering and murmuring.

- Okay, whatever, this is a sex-forward book, so who cares? THE SEX SCENES WERE NOT GOOD? Listen, I know what floats everyone's boat varies, but there was a scene in here that GENUINELY MADE ME WANT TO THROW UP. And while on a surface level, consent was discussed, there were MULTIPLE TIMES when boundaries were crossed, or people were goaded or prodded into doing things they were not comfortable with.

- IS MARS OKAY? BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED TO BE SAVED FROM THESE PEOPLE.

- Jake and Caleb both express some incredibly homophobic and biophobic ideas that are never challenged. And I will never, for the length of all my days, forget Jake saying he put an Ally sticker on his water bottle because he wanted to be on the right side of history. IS THIS BOOK A JOKE?

- The fact that the grand gesture features Rachel's boyfriends outing their relationship to the press behind her back when Rachel's brother was outed by the press is BONKERS. Throw all the men away.

- When I tell you that I about died when Rachel's impassioned speech to get her job back after medical malpractice included saying SHE'S A DOUBLE CANCER AND THUS CARES A LOT FOR HER PATIENTS I don't think I'm exaggerating.

Do I have anything good to say about this book?

Um, no. It, in fact, has only gotten worse and worse in my memory.