3.75 - 4 stars

Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you’re afraid to die?

I love being surprised by books. I love it when I go into a book with preconceived notions whether it be from blurbs or reviews or marketing and then being completely taken aback by how different the story is. Em X. Liu's debut novel The Death I Gave Him is one of those books. It was a lot more darker, angrier, and emotionally charged than I was prepared for.

I definitely see the comparisons to Gideon the Ninth. Spooky labs, mad scientists obsessed with cracking immortality, necromancy and resurrection. How a person's guilt and self-hatred can lead to spiralling to the point of self-destruction. And yet it is something completely unique and on its own. Fans of the former, however, will definitely enjoy this.

The Death I Gave Him is an exploration of mental health, grief and obsession. The writing is some of the emotionally wrought and rawest stuff I have ever read. I was expecting a murder mystery with some queer romance thrown in and packaged as a Hamlet retelling but it was so much more. Liu is a master at writing difficult to like, and difficult to dissect characters. Both Hayden and Felicia contain multitudes and are real fleshed-out characters. Their plights seem real and heartwrenching and it is a hard task distilling them down to "good" or "bad" characters. And I feel like that is the crux of writing a good story. Liu presents Hayden's grief over losing his father as well as his emotional turmoil in the most painful way possible. Hayden's depression and obsession with death and immortality are so interesting to read about because each page and each line reveals so many more layers to what makes him a person and ultimately leads to his tragic actions. Similarly, Felicia and her being torn between what her warring emotions dictate. The plight and conflict of these characters is the very essence of the iconic question "To be or not to be?" To betray their fathers by choosing the path of life and action or to avenge their fathers and commit themselves to the metaphorical or literal death of one's soul. In that, The Death I Gave Him is everything that a retelling should be: Thematically paralleling the original text but also expanding upon it in a unique and more nuanced setting and conflict.

In terms of the locked room murder mystery, I wouldn't say there is much shock or actual "mystery" to it. Especially if you know the story of Hamlet. Events leading up to and the conclusion of the murders are pretty much in line with the play. Finding the murder or the villain isn't the point of the story. It's whether the characters can forgive themselves for all that they've done and learn to live and grow from that. However, what Liu does is use the mystery to develop and push the characters' on their path of existential crisis. The plot pushes Hayden, Felicia and even Horatio to action. To do something about the conflict they are stuck in. So if you go into this expecting to be given a puzzle of whodunit, be warned. This is less a murder mystery and more an exploration of a character's mind and the limits to which it can be pushed in its desire for revenge and meaning. Liu does that exquisitely and this book is a keen study of mental health and suicidal ideation. Though rather than being bleak, the ending is pretty hopeful. It promises light at the end of the tunnel and that there is always a path to healing if you are willing to give life a chance.

The Death I Gave Him comes out 12/09/2023.

Thank you to NetGalley and Rebellion Publishing for sending me an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.