Never before have I read something that so intimately paints a portrait of the human experience. Many books attempt this. They pull at our hearts and make us cry, but Hanya Yanagihara did something more. A Little Life is exactly what the title tells you. A little life in book form. Well, maybe it is misleading because that “little life” was one of the biggest lives I had ever read. It was so full. Every life, no matter how big, how traumatic, how cruelly beautiful, is a small little life in the grand scheme of the universe. No matter how many people you’ve touched (or have touched you), your life means nothing. And yet it means Everything. Yanagihara taught me a lesson in 800+ pages of delicately chosen sentences that reverberate through my psyche. She has crafted a story so important, so full of trauma, art, heartbreak, love, evil, and good. A Little Life is a little glimpse into a world full of humanity.

This was simultaneously my favorite book I have read in years and my least favorite book ever. Both truths existed in every moment I read. There were times in the thick of these thin, bible-like pages, that I seriously considered closing the cover and sending it to a thrift store. There were times that I felt viscerally sick at some of the content (see content warnings at the end of the review… some may consider them spoilers). Yet throughout all of this was the stunning bond the four at the heart of the book had for each other. Their friendship is marred by trauma, hardship, poverty, addiction, and abuse. They have to fight for it, and sometimes they fail. It was so expertly crafted and perfectly told that I, being in a different world completely, felt as if I was the fifth person in their group. When I knew for sure I would stop and give up on this lifetime of words, I would find something new to love. There is so much love in this book. So much that it is overflowing.

Each one of the men had something to love and something to hate about them. They were real people, not a fairytale depiction of them. Jude, a man haunted by his past yet finding kindness and passion for everyone, is unable to see how loved and wonderful he is. This was hard for me. I wanted to shake him, slap him across the face, and tell him to shut up. To let himself be loved despite everything. Malcolm and JB were endearing and at times hilarious but deep down JB was selfish and erratic and Malcolm was so unsure of who he was. And then there’s Willem. Willem was perfect in my mind, yet he was an actor. And yes, I myself am in fact an actor. And I, like Willem, have fallen too deep in my craft to remember I have more to my personality than I can see at times. Each of these men are so deeply flawed and that makes them so incredibly, annoyingly human. Yanagihara masters the craft of storytelling. Her language conjured images and her prose left nothing to be wanted, but the heart of her story is in her expert control of character.

A Little Life is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the string of heart. Yet it is for everyone who has ever had a friendship or bond that they cannot live without. Yanagihara captured my soul and my heart and I will never forgive her for this. Please, read with caution and compassion, because this story is important, but, as the book confirms, not nearly as important as you. You, dear reader, are beautiful.

Content warnings: Mentions of suicide and suicide attempts, self harm, child sex abuse, child sex trafficking, ableist hate crimes, domestic abuse, eating disorders, drug addiction, rape