At the end of the book, I wasn't even surprised why this book won the Akutagawa Award in 2020, because it definitely deserved that title.

Personal Ratings : 4.5🌟

Idol, Burning is a short read that dives into the Idol Culture in Japan. My first work from Rin Usami and my second work from Asa Yoneda, Idol, Burning not only talks about dependancy of humans to something as a coping mechanism, it delves into the toxic culture of the internet, the effects that it has on various people, and mostly, on being constricted to the societal standards of normal. Its a book that may not be for everyone, but its one that I do have a deep understanding for and I loved the message that the author was trying to bring.

Whilst I'm not into the Idol culture in Japan, I was definitely into the Idol Culture in South Korea and mostly, I'm a weeb that lowkey collects various merchandises from mangas and animes that I like (and in another words , an Otaku but in another form).

Reading this book is what I would say expresses what I felt during the time I was still into the Idol Culture, in being in a fandom, talking about my bias , or oshi (in Japan) and how I would watch every single show that he had starred on. I remembered this one petty incident where I hated this female singer (until now) just because she did something to my bias at the time. And in this book, Akari, being someone that felt outcasted from what she's dealing with, finds solace in stanning her oshi, in which she took what I did to the next level.

What I loved about this book was how accurate the Representation in the Fan culture is.

As there are levels to being a fan, there are levels in their obsession as well. The author had shown the realities of The Otaku Culture and how it had affected their lives. In Akari's case, whilst it had helped her to become the most normal self that she ever could, once her oshi had 'burnt', she had shown signs of self-destruction, in which was the intention of the author, in showing that in a life that made the backbone of yourself from a human being (who is imperfect and will make mistakes), there will be bound to break at some point of the day.

I loved how Akari reminded me of characters from Sayaka Murata and Akutagawa himself, in which they found themselves trying to fit into the societal standards but failed to do so; in which they feel as though they incompetent not fit to live. I loved how the author had based Akari's condition to her brother (in which I cried so hard in the author's acknowledgment), and how Usami had apologized to her brother for not being able to understand his hardships when they were younger. In some ways, I love that the message that Usami was trying to portray is that, there are no faults to them being born in that way, but its the faults of society that judges you harshly if you're slightly different from what the society standards of 'normal' is.

And that also explains the toxic culture in the idol world, where each and every part of an idol's actions are bound to be scrutinized, to the smallest bit. The Internet "Cancel Culture" are one of the toxic cultures that goes hand in hand when an Idol became famous, and when they are tainted by a "scandal", nothing works for them anymore. Its interesting of a human psychology that we can actually judge someone, solely from their online persona , and what the media portrays them to be, only for us to cancel them once they made a mistake. We can feel betrayed (as fans invested money for these idols), or we can feel lied too, but it showed how toxic this culture can be and how we are super independent for it as a coping mechanism to escape the realities of our harsh life.

I love Akari as a character and I loved that she is somewhat trying so hard to stay alive, despite the conditions that she's having. She is a portrayal of a person who is depressed and makes being an Otaku as a coping mechanism. Personally, I can relate to that on how obsessed I can be with books and some comfort animes that I took pleasure watching day by day. Whilst Akari's obsession is unhealthy at certain times, it also shows how hobbies like these had helped saved lives too. Its good to stan someone (especially another fellow human) moderately, but I find that if it helps you to stay alive, just enjoy what you can . My judgment only goes to the stalker (the ssasaengs) and those who will endanger others lives for their own gain. In Akari's case, she's the kind of fan that does this for her own self until the incident of her oshi.

All in all, although the novella is short, it provides more depth and layers to the story. Usami's writing is one that I personally liked and its definitely something fresh that is written in a story form. Its not for everyone, and it has a depressing tone, but I would still recommend it, especially if you're into stories of growth with a tint of darkness.

Biggest thank you to Pansing Distributions (@definitelybooks) for this copy!