"And how about the other men he had killed? . . . Maybe they had no faith, Tom thought. Maybe they were like me, always expecting disaster, surprised only when it doesn’t hit. Maybe we are all, the killers and the killed, equally damned; not guilty, not somehow made wise by war, not heroes, just men who are either dead or convinced that the world is insane."

This was a surprisingly enjoyable read for being a book about a businessman in the 50s. From page one I was locked in on Tom and Betsy Rath's lives. The descriptions of their house with the question mark shaped crack in the wall acting as a souvenir of their weaknesses "while allowing evenings of pleasure and kindness to slip by without a trace" served as a perfect opener to the book.

I quite enjoyed Tom as a protagonist. A man struggling to find his place in a post-WWII world full of ironies was very interesting to watch. I especially became drawn into the story when Tom recognizes an old buddy from the war and recalls the horrors and wonders of that time.

Each character was distinct and interesting. Tom struggled with cynicism and pessimism, unsure how to live 4 separate lives at the same time, while Betsy was an optimist not afraid in the slightest to call Tom out on his bullshit. I found it satisfying that many things turned out well for him when he listened to her advice and perspective. Tom's grandmother was uniquely characterized, worshipping her late husband and son by constantly referring to them respectively as "The Senator" and "The Major." Judge Bernstein was also interesting; a judge who is sick of giving justice and believes it should be "the perogative of the gods."

As mentioned, the war memories really drew me in. The author said this book was highly autobiographical, so to read such tragic and horrific passages about being a paratrooper in Europe just felt so real. I was nervous as Tom took each jump, and I

mourned with him when his quick reaction lead to his best friend's death

. Also, I think the world wars (and much of history) is often whitewashed, so it was incredibly touching to me that this novel (which was published in 1955) briefly featured a group of black soldiers fighting with the Allies. A black sergeant was the one who showed Tom the most kindness in the wake of

Mahoney's death, and helped Tom care for his body

. Also, Tom had a moment of feeling empathy toward the enemy Japanese soldiers who were waiting in caves before the Allied invasion. The empathy reminded me much of Sam Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings, wondering if the enemy soldiers wanted to be fighting or if they'd rather be home. As Tom came to surmise, "anybody who tries to make sense out of it goes out of his mind."

I was totally caught up in Tom's world, whether it was figuring out how to be straightforward and himself at his new job, dealing with legal issues with his grandmother's will, or being haunted by memories of the war and of his

illegitimate child in Italy

, I was always rooting for him. When he finally opened up to Betsy about what had happened in Europe I was on the edge of my seat---a reading experience I haven't had since maybe The Stand.

Sloan's writing was very captivating, and I love a lot of the figurative language he used to describe Tom's mind and emotions, such as describing his wife's expression while staring at a glass "as though [it] were a crystal ball in which she could see her future."

This quote near the conclusion of the novel really summed up Tom's growth as a man:

"I was my own disappointment. I really don’t know what I was looking for when I got back from the war, but it seemed as though all I could see was a lot of bright young men in gray flannel suits rushing around New York in a frantic parade to nowhere. They seemed to me to be pursuing neither ideals nor happiness– they were pursuing a routine. For a long while I thought I was on the side lines watching that parade, and it was quite a shock to glance down and see that I too was wearing a gray flannel suit. Then I met Caesar, running an elevator. . . . he went through most of the war with me. There was Caesar in his purple uniform, staring at me in my gray flannel suit and reminding me, always reminding me, that I was betraying almost everyone I knew.”

The one part of the book that bugged me a tad was the classic 50s-60s man-aggresively-kissing-woman-who-is-squirming-to-get-free-of-him bit we see in a lot of films of that era; I didn't love how Tom dominated Betsy in that way and how she later apologized for how foolish she had been. That said, no character is without flaws in the book, so Tom is no exception. His behavior is inexcusable, but goes to show that all humans are weak and mistaken at times.

I feel like I end every review with "All in all a great book," but truly this was very enjoyable and cause for much reflection about war, business, family, and life.