i would say this is my most conflicting read so far for this year. which isn't saying much considering its week 3 of 2024 but. still
god i wanted to adore this book. i think this was my most anticipated read of 2024. like i was dying to read this. i was sadly disappointed. like when i realised i wasn't enjoying this as much as i thought i would i wanted to cry.
this book was still good. i need that to be known. i adored nick, and i loved many sequences. i just felt like the main issue for me was this book was trying to do a lot, and needed more pages to achieve its goal.
there was so much going on. the theo plot, the nick plot, the world-building, the themes. it all felt rushed. there were many times i had to pause and go back and reread previous chapters, or ask google/friends for help understanding what was going on.
i needed a lot more world-building in this. i feel like this book needed about 100 pages more to explain things. and the way information is divulged i found is hard! i prefer my exposition to be dumped honestly because hey at least i know what is going on, and the fact there are such fantasy elements i felt needed an exposition dump. 
i also really had a difficult time imagining what was happening. i thought it might have been an issue with me, but when i swap to other books im reading at the moment im fine. to me there felt like a massive disconnect between the writing and the reader (me)
i also think a minor issue for me was the fact i know nothing about religion. i don't think this overall affected my reading experience, but as someone who has been to church once i felt like i was not in the story, but like i was multiple layers separated away from the plot.
i truly cannot put my finger on why i did not enjoy this as much as i thought i would. it has everything going for it. fantasy. autistic rep. trans rep. gay rep. i truly am just hoping this is an issue regarding world-building for me, as i do love how andrew joseph white writes, with the phrasing and the topical slang ("yeet" had me give a good little chuckle lol). maybe if i come back and reread this, ill have a better experience, as i'll not be left in the dark. i don't know.

edit: just remembered some things i had to add! the ending felt rushed. i wanted maybe even just. an epilogue. but there were so many questions left.
also a lot of this book was confusing and explained through subtext. but the subtext was had to grasp for me.