the last time i've read this book was nearly 4 years ago, when i was only 15 years old and still trying to get a hang of myself in high school (a lifetime ago). i remember being angry that kate and rafe didn't get a happily ever after and that michael and wilamena broke up and that gabriel died. i was frustrated and that was the feeling this book reminded me of whenever i thought of it.

but now i'm 18 and in college and a completely different person than i was at 15 (thank god). and that feeling of frustration is so foreign to me now. i was more selfish and narrow-minded back then, only wanting this last book to fulfill my #1 desire of kate and rafe living happily ever after instead of letting it teach me important lessons that resonate with me today.

Death was the reckoning all had to pay. But the love you gave was yours. That, you got to keep.

or (my favorite) in emma's words:

"I thought giving the dead back their memories would make everything better. But really, it doesn't change anything. At least not while you're alive. The people you love are still going to die. You're still going to lose them."
Kate watched Emma closely, seeing shades of the sister she'd known, brave, reckless, thoughtless, and this new person who'd grown up in her place, who was working through what she was feeling, piece by piece.
"Then I realized, maybe that's okay, maybe it's even okay loving someone knowing it's going to end, that either you're going to die or they're going to die, or you'll move away and never see them again , because that's what it means to be alive. That's the whole point of life. To love someone." And she looked up at her brother and sister, her eyes wide and shining with tears. "Don't you think?"

now, with new experiences on my shoulders and wearing a different mindset, i love this book.

when i was 15, i was upset at everybody dying left and right, but it is the FINAL book that literally centers on the Book of Death. what did 15 year old me even expect? just good times and kissing? (probably)

i'm grateful this book talked about death because i always have this sense of anxiety that everybody could die at any moment, especially the ones i care about, like my mama. it's good to have those reminders that life is short, but not when it's constantly in your head and making you feel like your insides are shrinking and making you overthink everything you've ever said and done. this book helped me through that process and i am so grateful for it. this is a book i needed at this time.

i give this book 5 stars: one for kate (a sweetheart & my favorite character; i look up to her compassion and resilience), one for michael (his growth and lost contempt for elves as he fell in love with wilamena!), one for emma (her ability to make me laugh literally every time it's her POV), one for gabriel (for his steadfastness and love for the children inspires me to be a better person; i hope he's resting and having the time of his life in the afterlife), and one for wilamena (the BEST character - i relate to her love for life and her bubbly personality; i'm sincerely going to miss her character and reading about her).

but also special shoutout to my boi rafe for being hot and good and being my #1 crush LMAO