At Dark I Became Loathsome is an unsettling, deeply disturbing descent into the mind of a man consumed by self-loathing and twisted ideology. Our narrator sees himself as a savior of sorts—freeing others from their emotional suffering through murder. What follows is a relentless exploration of human darkness, touching on themes of serial unaliving, homophobia, and the horrific impact of trauma.

This book does not shy away from its brutal subject matter, including the harrowing presence of SA against a child. The writing is raw and unflinching, making it a difficult but gripping read. While it’s impossible to feel sympathy for the protagonist, the novel forces you to sit with his warped logic and confront the most depraved aspects of humanity.

The reason this wasn’t a 5-star read for me was the sheer weight of its darkness—it’s one of those books that lingers, but not necessarily in a way that feels satisfying. Still, if you can handle extreme psychological horror and morally bankrupt narrators, this one will leave a lasting impression. Proceed with caution. I do wish my Audio ARC had come with Content Warnings.