i cannot reiterate this enough: i can tell when a book with trans representation was written by a trans person who has lived that experience. meredith russo does a phenomenal job at showing cis readers the trauma and hardships trans people face.

i'm so thankful, so SO thankful, amanda does not forgive grant immediately. or maybe ever. i'm also so thankful she realizes she deserves love because she does! she's such a sweet, caring person. she's so kind and gentle and wonderful. i'm also so thankful that meredith makes the fantastic point of saying amanda is not brave for being herself. as a queer person, that's my number one pet peeve. i despise when people tell me i am brave for doing nothing but existing authentically.

granted, i have some issue with how well amanda can pass. only because im not sure how authentic it is to the character or her situation. i'm aware that it is useful to the story and showing cis people how trans people can be singled out and abused, even if they are passing. so i don't knock much points off for it.

i also took a little bit of issue with bee outing like... literally everyone and amanda in front of the school. it's a YA novel. we need the drama. i'm sure this has happened somewhere. i am a 21 year old reading a book intended for 16 year olds, so i am a little nit-picky with the second hand embarrassment plot lines.

the supportive parents are perfectly written. i think showing amanda's mom grieving her "son" because she is growing up and changing is so perfectly executed. it made me cry so hard. the mom's reaction to her trans daughter is something i wish i would have gotten when being outed to my parents.

let's talk lesbians. CHLOE. chloe chloe chloe. chloe my beloved. she's an angel! a redhead with a southern accent? exactly my type. actually reading in a book how she felt so isolated when she was little because she did not know there could be other gay people than herself... i felt like meredith russo spied on my childhood. SO PERFECTLY WRITTEN!!!!

this book is so, so good. meredith russo, if for whatever reason you see this review, please know your author's notes made me cry so hard. you don't know me, but it means so much to me to hear an adult tell me it's okay that i'm a lesbian. it's okay that i'm nonbinary. it's okay and i deserve to be loved. so thank you for that.

i wish i could give this book a 4.5 rating but alas, goodreads hates me and will only allow for 4/5. but there's an extra .5 from my heart.