This is the first book I've read in a long time that I couldn't put down. I read it in 3 days, and it would have been all in 1 go if I hadn't had a life to get on with. 

Not sure I can structure this in any meaningful way, so here's some thoughts.....

I loved that when Lucy starts realising her feelings for Susannah she's not really bothered by them, she's just confused, until she's not, and then she's still mostly fine with them. That felt like a different view point of someone realising they're queer, especially in god fearing 90's Ireland. Even when Susannah reciprocates she's mostly fine. It's only when the rest of the world creeps closer to their bubble that we see the awful position the heteronormative (straight up homophobic at this point in time) mindset has put her in. All the things she clings to aren't actually good for her, but she's been put in this position where she must live a lie, or lose everything she knows as home. 

The contrast between Susannah's family life and Lucy's is fascinating too. Susannah's parents don't care if she likes girls, but mostly because they don't really care about her. Lucy has a very traditional Irish family, and she fears losing them even though they're not actually that close, and her mother's love is conditional. Even her relationship with her friends isn't what she thinks it is. And yet she clings to them all for too long. 

I liked that even though it was from Lucy's POV the writing does a good job of giving Susannah some back story, and we get a bit of insight into her character from Lucy even if Lucy doesn't realise what she's seeing at the time. Susannah's being mean to her at times when they're younger mirrors the way she looks for attention from her parents. Lucy doesn't realise that this is what she's doing. Susannah says she's liked Lucy for longer than Lucy's liked her, later we find out it's since they were 6!! Lucy thinks she's been pining for ages but Susannah has her beat by nearly a decade. This little detail also explains why Susannah is so far ahead of Lucy in terms of self acceptance, but also why she'll put up with as much as she does for as long as she does. 

The writing is really beautiful at times too, and I think more than anything I've read it is so good at expressing the love Lucy and Susannah share as just love. As I said before, Lucy doesn't really feel shame about it early on, and even when the outside world makes her wobble, she expresses many times how what they have feels like the most natural thing, and how Susannah is everything good in her, and how she feels like herself so fully with Susannah, so how can that possibly be a bad thing? It's actually kind of sad at times to read it and think that's what a judgmental society has done (is still doing) to kids. I know Lucy is fictional, but her thoughts feel very real.

I don't think I usually like first person narratives but this one is really good. Lucy is self aware enough to know she's hurting people, but we see enough of her upbringing to understand the choices she makes, even if we hate them. She hurts Martin, but really he's been hurt by the same thinking that has Lucy trapped. The assumption they'll end up together, that if he waits long enough she'll realise she loves him, that they'll do like their parents and marry young and stay in town. That's not to say Lucy is blameless where he's concerned but it's not as simple as her just using him. 

I didn't go full 5 stars for 2 reasons. I liked the ending, but it felt like the last 5 or 6 chapters kind of moved very fast compared to the rest of the book. Although I do understand that it was about getting Lucy to the place she needed to be, and it does do that. Also, for purely selfish reasons, I would have liked to read more about what happens after then ending, but as I said, that wasn't really the point. 

Side note - I'm sure she has a million other ideas to write about but I would 100% read this same book from Susannah's POV.