All I know about Lovecraft is that he was horribly racist and had a phobia of fish.

That last bit is my own interpretation considering all the fish monsters.

Since I'm reading this during breaks at work, this will take a while... so I'll just keep updating this review until I'm done.

I've decided to review each story separately here because... why not.

... I'm probably going to run out of character space before I finish this...

Spoiler

The Beast in the Cave
Omg the thesaurus abuse is real.
Just say he threw the fucking rock, omg.
Also, the ending with BOTH all caps and italicizing? I just mentally went *Spoopy ghost noises ooOooOooh*

The Alchemist
...Did this man really just explain the twist then dramatically end the story by... announcing the twist? Also, we know the narrator doesn't die at 32 as it opens say it's been 90 years since he was born.
So, in the end, immortal revenge dude decides 'you know what, ya got me. I'll stop my 600 year old revenge-seeking and just let ya be.'
The Fuck?

The Tomb
Okay, I kind of liked this one. I'm not sure if Lovecraft was going for a 'reincarnation' aspect but as I was reading, I was getting 'This Hole Is Mine! It Was Made For Me!', compulsion horror vibes which I liked.

Dagon
Finally, a bit of the cosmic horror Lovecraft is known for. Writing is a bit better. But also... guy just saw some (possibly fish) guy praying and lost his shit. Why? Literally nothing happened except the guy was a big grody to look at.
I do like that you can't tell if the guy is just imagining it or if the fish guy (obviously offended by this guy going crazy just for looking at him) is really going to show up to kill him.

A Reminiscence of Dr Samuel Johnson
What a waste of my goddamn time.
Narrator is immortal, or at least a few centuries old. Now that that's out of the way, let mention a guy he used to know.
That's it.

Polaris
I kind of liked this one, the prose is better anyway.
And, oh look! Our first overly racist passage!

Beyond The Wall of Sleep
Oh, good. We can add Classist to the list. This wouldn't have been too bad if the narrator would stop dunking on this poor guy for *gasp* being born poor.

Old Bugs
A bit dramatic and predictable. Leaps and bounds better than the attempts at horror so far.

The Transition of Juan Romero
The fuck just happened? Seriously, I have no idea.

The White Ship
I actually like this one. Favorite so far.

The Street
AAAAND We're back to the racism. Pretty much, this whole story was 'The street was a nice place until the SWARTHY (aka Brown) people came!!!!1! Don't worry, He's not going to let you forget that this brown people are like, super bad and anti-american!

I really though the racism would be more subtle than this, I really did.

The Doom That Came to Sarnath
It's alright. Oddly enough, it'd be a good anti-racist metaphor - People come a commit genocide against an entire race who couldn't even speak and they celebrated it for 1000 years. Getting offed by their god is a good ending.

Unfortunately, I don't think that's why he was going for.

The Statement of Randolph Carter
Is this the first Herbert West story? I feel like this is the first Herbert West story. Also, we're back to the dumb ALL CAPS ENDNG FOR DRAMA.

The Terrible Old Man
Ole Lucius Clay is at it again, amirite? I want to listen to Wooley Swamp now.

The Cats of Ulthar
Cats being treated like the gods they are? Yes please! Still vaguely racist concerning the travelers, but that's not surprising at this point.

The Tree
Not very scary but sweet in a way I guess? Find you a man who'll turn into a tree when you die.

Celephaïs
It's just a dream bro.

The Picture in the House
Is it just me or does quite a few of these stories in with the whole just being 'Nah' and destroying the 'evil' place.

The Universe doesn't care that much, my dude. Then again, that's the basis of Lovecraft's existential crisis, I mean, Cosmic horror.

The Temple
Is this guy German? I can't remember if it's mentioned but I think he might be German.
It's an alright story but I'm more interested in that idea that the 'Cold, emotionless German' stereotype was already a thing back then.

Facts Concerning The Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family
I'm mostly just trying to figure out the timeline on this. All I know is a guy fucked a monkey and guy decided to kill himself in the most unnecessarily dramatic way... because... I don't know, he looked fugly which he was fine with but suddenly not because... monkey.

From Beyond
The movie was better.

Nyarlathotep
I think I fell asleep while reading this. The horror, or rather, all of Lovecraft's horror so far, is too vague to really make any impact.

The Quest of Iranon
It's another 'It's all a dream' stories. Guy goes around singing stories about his homeland, never aging, finds a guy in the desert who remembers a childhood friend who sang about a city, guy realizes it wasn't real, is suddenly old, and drowns himself because... sure.

It occurs to me that a lot of these stories would have been better from a different POV...

The music of Erich Zann
I'm just trying to find the connection between the musician, the thing haunting him, and why the narrator can't find the street again. Why he saw it before but now suddenly can't? Especially when the street didn't seem to actually have anything to do with the music/musician/eldritch being we don't see.

Ex Oblivione
Guy writes a lot about suicide and drug addiction as a form of escapism. I feel like I should have done a bit more research on HP. Then again, I only wanted to know the cthulhu stuff.

Sweet Ermengarde
I think he's trying to be funny by making fun of a certain style of play (That doesn't translate well) or he sucks at trying to be funny. Probably both.

The Nameless City
Another Lovecraft story, another ancient temple that drives that guy exploring it crazy. Apparently this was the first Cthulhu story? IDK, I was half-asleep reading this and only a few passages stood out.

The Outsider
I just got a lot of Frankenstein's Monster vibes if the Monster was never interacted with and lived in an underground castle in an underground forest (???) who never knew what he looked like because there were no mirrors and the guy never thought to look at his hands? Or a puddle of water? Or even his shadow if he's as ugly to scare off a houseful of people...

The Moon Bog
Guy wants to drain the bog on his property, servants and narrator dream of an ancient temple, nymphs lure servants to death/turned into frogs. I can't tell if the property owner was lead away or hung up because it's described as an Effigy and I don't trust Lovecraft to actually know what that is...

In any case: Guy deserved it for wanting to destroy an entire ecosystem because "lol what's down there". Prick.

The Other Gods
Dude climbs mountain to watch the Gods dance, finds out there are 'Outsider Gods' that protect the Earth Gods (???) and guy dies.

I'm thinking he doesn't understand what gods are either.

Azathoth
??????

Herbert West - Reanimator
The book just has all of (confirmed) Reanimator stories which I was looking forward to since I like the movie.

Surprisingly good considering the rest of his work, though the racism on this part is particularly disgusting. Herbert West is still a fucking dumbass though (affectionate). Yeah, dumbass, try it a few more times, maybe it'll work.

Hypnos
The way the guy talks about the other guy is very "get a room already", which I like. But then it's all 'The guy was a younger me!". Fuck if I know.

What the moon brings
Lovecraft needs to stop typing out his nightmares and calling them a story.

The Hound
What's good cure for boredom? Grave Robbing! You know, just for shits and giggles and the ~*~Aesthetic~*~. Not that bad.

The Lurking Horror
Classist as FUCK. But I was enjoying the first two parts - Mysterious thing kills people in an almost ethereal fashion, almost instantly. Then... He ruins it. OH, yeah, it's just the old family that used to live there who de-evolved because they weren't very nice?

There's a reason the best horror movies rarely show the monster.

The Rats in the Walls
Racist as Fuck. It's cute to put your pet into your writing... but NOT IF THEIR NAME IS FUCKING SLUR OMG.
Anyway, there are rats in the walls. OR ARE THEY?! But also, the cats think there are rats in the walls. OR ARE THEY?! Maybe. BUT ARE -

The Unnamable
OMG this was so fucking dumb. Apart from something being 'unnamable', something that is blatantly not true, it just read like this:
"Dude, there are monsters out there that are unnamable!"
"Dude, Not-Uh!"
"Yeah! See, this haunted house? There's a creature in the attic and it has, like, horns a shit!"
They go and check it out and get attacked.
"Dude, you were right! That thing looked like a Gelatinous Cube from DND! It's was UNNAMABLE!"
(despite that I just named it. Indescribable would have made more sense)

The Festival
Guy is compelled to go to some town in the North East and goes on about Yuletide but then seems to be wanting Christmas Then get freaked out by his relatives who don't speak. Complains guy looks like he's wearing a wax mask.
Town heads out, goes to a cave, and there are giant bat things to carry them to somewhere (Fucking Awesome), but guy freaks out. Wax Face tries to get him to come then Guy realizes this guy is his 400+ year old relative and knocks the mask off. We're not told what he looks like under there but Guy freaks out and almost drowns.
Found next morning, 'accidentally' fell off a cliff.
We're not told what happens to the awesome bat things who just wanted to fly people around but had their hopes dashed by that one dude. Way to ruin Yuletide/Christmas/Cthulumas.

Under the Pyramids
I want to ask 'Why Houdini' but apparently this was written for him or something so... fine, I GUESS.

But anyway, Houdini tells us all about his vacation in Egypt, is racist towards the locals, gets kidnapped, lowered into a pyramid, passes out CONSTANTLY, sees the shadows of people with animal heads (But we don't actually see them so they could have been mask), sees a pharaoh that looks like the guide that kidnapped him, sees a queen with a half rotten face, and watches as the animal people leave 'disgusting' offerings (I'm assuming it's offal, doesn't actually say), to a five headed thing that might actually be something's hand????

As always, he never actually gives us enough detail to be interested. The last few parts had potential but they're mentioned then we move along. Why would you want to know MORE about this stuff, right?

The Shunned House
I'll give it this: It's a lot better than previous stories though a bit of an anticlimactic end. "Yeah, this (gigantic?) thing was like, living under the house and draining the life out of people. I just dug it up and dumped some acid on it. It's fine now."

The Horror At Red Hook
Racist AF. I'm trying to think of a word that's basically 'Prejudice against other religions' but I think that's just Prejudice against other religions. Either way, plenty of that going on. Though I do wonder...

Lilith was kicked out for just wanting to ride Adam cowboy style (Though Pegging is a lot funnier interpretation and, really, Adam's loss)...

I actually forgot where I was going with that but it's also the thought that came up for me. *Shrug*

He
Okay, this is just hilarious and I don't think he realized just how funny it is.
Narrator is a pretentious asshole going on about how he likes the 'old city' or some shit. Meets a guy that's been stalking him and invites him to his house (Kinda implying there's some time travel going on). Guy waves his arms and shows narrator other cities/times in a flash of lightning. Narrator asks him to do it again and this puts a bug up guy's ass so he shows him some Other World BS and things IMMEDIATELY start to come after him and the guy's just all 'oh shit' and starts blaming narrator for tricking him into showing off. IDK It's funny as hell. Still racist/classist tho.

In the Vault
Eh, it's another take on the 'Got trapped in the crypt with dead bodies and one tried to pull him back in' story. And I'm actually not sure what the whole 'feet cut off at the ankles' was about. Did the guy want to be taller? Was his coffin too short? IDK

Cool Air
Another 'started good/let down' with another 'The Revealing Premise is italicized at the very end for Drama!
It starts out with the neighbor having to have it cold nonstop. And because he's an idiot, he didn't have backup machines so when they break down and things heat up... And you think it's going to be a 'he becomes a goo monster' or 'he melted' but no. We're not TOLD exactly what happened but the guy wrote a letter before he died (as you do) revealing... he was dead the entire time and the cold was just to preserve his body. So the whole build up about what was left on the couch makes no sense because... a dead body. A dead body was on the couch. We could speculate and say maybe he sped up decayed... but even then then it'd still be human goo with a crunchy skeleton center.
*Siiiiigh*

The Call of Cthulhu
And finally, the one that started it all! (Maybe, I don't know)
First off - Still Racist as Fuck.
Secondly, this quote: "And writing of some kind the bulk of these designs seemed certainly to be..." where he seems to have had a fucking stroke (I had to stop reading and highlight this because reading it felt like being punched in the brain)
Finally: Definitely better written, besides all the fucking racists BS (People can never be people, they're either not described (aka White) or MONGRELS, MIXED BLOODED, or OUTRIGHT SLURS and they obviously are evil and can't be trusted, not like us white folks amirite.
jfc

Pickman's Model
Guy goes on about how his client paints some really fucked up shit but he's a genius artist despite it. Pickman takes him down to his studio, guy pisses himself and accidentally steals the 'background' photo artist was using for an painting of a monster eating someone. Guy gets home and finds the picture in his pocket, actually sees it and *GASP* it was a picture of the monster!
I sometimes feel a lot of these stories would be a lot better if the horrific 'reveal' happened in the story itself, not at the ending. Having it at the ending just feels cheesy and any tension one might get from said reveal doesn't get a chance to linger because the story is already over.

Okay, so I have less that 4000 characters left so I can't keep adding individual reviews in this review...

So, from here on out, each new story review will be in my updates... Yes, this review page is going to be insanely long.