Ames is a bit of a f*ckboy.

I decided to revisit this novel after reading it for the first time last year. I think the story is incredibly well-written with compelling characters with individual and collective journeys that are interesting to follow.

On both a first and second glance though I came away personally liking Ames less than Reese or Katrina. While all of them deal with big complex questions about what they want in life and how they want to get it Ames at nearly every turn hurts those around him for the sake of personal self-actualization. Early in the book when Ames tells Katrina he could consider being a parent to their child if he had someone from his life before de-transitioning being present she immediately offers “Like a godparent? I’d be ok with that.” But that’s not enough for him. In the final chapters of the book he has intense passionate sex with Katrina and makes it clear that not being confined by the image of “totally masculine father” is more important than even being a parent.

Like I said, the characters are well-written and too complex to fall into simple good/bad divisions. I also think the trauma of Reese’s cheating the led to his decision to de-transition probably played a role in his insecurities years later. Ultimately though I had a harder time finding Ames to be a sympathetic protagonist compared to Reese and Katrina.