In this moving memoir, Joy Smalley tells her story of being a child of missionaries and the ways the system, church, and her parents harmed her. She tells of her own decisions and reasons for placing her children in the same environments, thereby subjecting them to trauma. And she tells of how she learned to name what happened, and find hope, healing, and deep faith. 

Smalley writes beautifully using language and organization to tell a complex story in an accessible way. She weaves her adult experiences with childhood experiences and with what we now know about trauma, attachment, and emotions. Smalley’s stories are specific and vibrant, placing us in the scene. Yet they are universal enough to be resonant and real for the reader. 

Church leaders, missionaries, and adult children of missionaries may be defensive or hesitant to engage with this book. I pray that they push through and read Joy’s story with open hearts and hands to learn and improve missions work. Support has to go beyond financial and logistic support, and acceptance of people to missions has to consider the impact to entire families. 

I’m not involved in missions in any way other than support through prayer and donations. But I am well aware of abuses - direct and indirect - inflicted by Christians leaders and laymen in the name of Christianity. I am also well aware of the harm that can come from childhood neglect, abuse, and assault. Insecure attachments impact how people relate to God and others. This awareness helped me to connect with and experience some healing as Smalley articulated sentiments I have never been able to put into words. 

Smalley’s ability to tell her specific story in a relatable way makes this a book for many, even if you didn’t grow up in Mongolia or in a missions family or even in an Evangelical church. Maybe like Smalley (and me), you are an adult who is on a journey of healing - with God, in therapy, and in community. If you are, this is a book for you. Or if you are being called to missions and want to honor your role of parent and spouse, this is the book for you. God gives us all the call to love Him, love people, and make disciples. Sacrificing children is never part of the call. Smalley is brave to tell the truth in a way that is honoring and helpful. I applaud her and this book!