I have some mixed feelings about this book.

I think it really started off strong. Feyi was a robust character - she felt real. Her processing grief, the reckless cycle she found herself in trying to process these emotions was wonderful. As someone who knows the messy part of going through the loss of a loved one, it was so relatable.

So where did it fall apart for me? Well, when was got to the actual plot of the story.

SPOILERS BELOW

The main romantic lead doesn't show up till nearly halfway in the book. Despite everything Feyi is just immediately attracted to this guy? She has felt so-so about everyone else, but this is the dude she wants and I don't think we ever really get enough meat about why.

Perhaps some foreshadowing of Alim could have helped. If we heard about her obsession with this guy and his TV shows earlier on, maybe we would understand and lean into him more when he shows up. It felt like the author wanted this to be a big surprise, but when the plot us summarized in the jacket, there's no literary pay off for hiding it.

We also had no hint of Nasir's toxic tendencies. I think some red flags (at least for someone familiar with an abusive partner) littered in the beginning wouldn't make us feel so conflicted about his reaction.

All in all, I just didn't care about her relationship with Nasir's father. I get that there was this grief bonding, but I think that we didn't get enough time with it. I didn't feel the slow build up or the tension. In fact, I think it would have been better if Feyi hadn't even been attracted to him at first, and we could have seen some development.

I'm so sad to have knocked off so many stars for the book, but I found after the halfway point it just fell flat for me.