And I suppose that is the saddest thing for me, thinking about the cover version that is Oranges, is that I wrote a story I could live with. The other one was too painful. I could not survive it.

I don't know what on earth was wrong with me the first time I read this and rated it 4 stars. On a second read, this was heartwrenching, fascinating and impossible to put down from start to finish. The title already suggests this will be a difficult read, and indeed it tells the (true) story of a difficult life.

This memoir deals with so many subjects that if it had been fiction, I might have thought it was overkill at some points. Also, it's possible I appreciated it more the second time because this time I couldn't help but look at it through the lenses of my university classes in gender studies and women's life writing, and this book so wonderfully demonstrates the things we talked about that I think my teacher could do the entire course with just this one.

My favourite parts were still the callbacks to Oranges (the revelation about Elsie that hits you hard near the beginning, specifically), and the adult half of the novel where the writer deals with her trauma in a lot of ways, including talking to the 'creature' inside her and reaching out to friends and others.

some triggers include: parental neglect/emotional abuse (?), religious homophobia, a suicide attempt, suicidal ideation

And I guess that is the key - no one is ever going to lock me in or lock me out again. My door is open and I am the one who opens it.