Wow, I am honestly flabbergasted by what this book turned out to be. All I'd ever heard of the Vorkosigan saga is how amazing and fun it is, so while I figured going into it that it might be slightly outdated, I had never expected it to be this terrible. The entire romance is instalove and SO MUCH of the plot is driven by sexual assault! WHAT!

I was having fun in the beginning though, with Cordelia stranded on a planet that her team was doing a scientific survey of. I knew her relationship with Vorkosigan would turn into a romance eventually, but their interactions in the beginning were casual and fun. I liked seeing them explore and meet more creatures on the planet, like the vampire balloons?! It felt like an episode of Star Trek, with the away team crew.

My interest started going downhill when Vorkosigan proposed marriage in the most abrupt and unromantic way possible SO EARLY into the book! Cordelia's response actually made sense (mostly confusion) but she soon did a complete 180 and became obsessed with him in a way that felt so fake. But the biggest nail in the coffin for me was the scene when

Cordelia is stripped naked and tied to a bed and almost raped by that admiral (idk anyone's names because they all sound the same), who then tried to force Bolthari to rape her. SHE WAS LITERALLY NAKED AND POWERLESS in front of TWO MEN and her reaction after Bolthari killed the dude was basically just, "phew, I’m glad Vorkosigan is here!" Like WHAT? There was no terror from her either during or after. She seemed completely unaffected by that revolting scenario?!?! She was more angry at Vorkosigan supposedly drugging her in her sleep for intel (though it was revealed he actually didn't and she didn't care much about him pretending he did).

Cordelia seemed so unbothered by everything that happened to her... how am I supposed to root for a character like that?!

Not to mention all the other mentions of rape...

That one prisoner who casually said that the Barrayaran men were "shopping for rapees" with no reaction either, Bolthari being revealed to have saved a woman from evil rapist's clutches who was so traumatized and then ended up raping her and IMPREGNATING HER and then allowed to keep her child?! And then that whole scene with the placentas of raped prisoner women (presumed dead??) that Cordelia told Vorkosigan he should keep alive because "some cultures value life" or whatever

, like this is some kind of pro-life propaganda? Why? What's the relevance?? Like seriously, what the fuck is this shit?

I haven't even gone into all the things that annoyed me about Cordelia and Aral's relationship, and my entire confusion over the plot and all the politics that I couldn't care less about. Not sure why every important Barrayaran man had to have a name that started with "Vor." Every name started to sound like gibberish and blended together, especially listening to this via audiobook. I also really hated that Cordelia immediately believed everything Aral told her, despite it contradicting all the history she'd been taught (

I found myself agreeing with the other prisoners over Cordelia... the dude is known as the butcher of Komarr!

).

I don't know man. I'm really annoyed that I went into this expecting a fun jolly time and then had to listen to so much rape. It's really disgusting. If I squint and think back to the beginning of the book, I can see the potential for a fun story and world, which is why this gets 2 stars and not less (and the epilogue was hauntingly beautiful and a nice break from the awfulness before it. plus I enjoyed the "I didn't even vote for him" jokes about the Betan president). But I had such a terrible time with this that I can't see myself continuing on in the series for a while. I need a break from this disappointment. If I do continue, I think I'll skip to Miles' story in The Warrior's Apprentice, because I really don't want to spend any more time with Cordelia and Aral (or Bolthari), yuck.