thank you NetGalley & unnamed press for providing me a copy of this book in return for an honest review ❤️ 

this review has taken me 3 days to write. it was originally 2k words. bear with me. 

this novel is insanely hard to describe, not only because it is a collection of short stories where i have vastly different opinions on each, but because this is bonkers. i think to enjoy this you need to go in with an open mind, and be aware no topics are off-limits for grudova. 

overall, this is quite a unique compilation of stories. the stories often stuck with me after reading them, and i was left pondering them. i also think (for me at least), this is a sleeper hit. i’ll be honest and say i wasnt enjoying this novel until about 7 stories in, and there are 16 total, so it took me a bit to get into this book. 

my biggest gripes with this book are that there feels like there’s no link between stories in terms of themes or tone. also this book CONSTANTLY mentions poop. i think i counted it up and like half of the stories mention poop in explicit detail. I KEPT A POOP COUNTER WHILST READING THIS. i was losing it. finally, the endings of each story seem like the story was cut. the endings most of the time felt like there was zero conclusion which annoyed me endlessly. 

i think its best if i break down my thoughts per each story, as some of these i couldn’t stand (simply due to personal preference), whereas some i adored. 

through ceilings & walls: in my opinion, this was the worst story to start the book off. compared to all the others, it felt flat, low in horror, and wasn't interesting at all. my third least-fav. 

ivor: this story stuck with me for a while after reading it. it didn't raise my expectations for the collection, but i will say i did like it. but, i felt the horror elements were missing, and honestly this story had me on the fence whether i actually enjoyed it, or just had fun compared to the first story. my third favourite overall. 

description and history of a british swimming pool/banya banya!: the poop bit started wearing me down at this point. i felt like this story was just aiming to be gross just for the sake of it, and felt like there were no connections between any points, and things were just being said because “oh yeah that sounds bananas”. 10/16 for me. 

the custard factory: here i REALLY was getting worn down with this book. yet again, more explicit poop explanations, random things going on just for randomness, and i was not having fun. like this felt like it was gross just to be gross. this is 11/16 for me. 

the green hat: here is my favourite story. i cannot rave about this one enough! i think honestly at this point if this story didnt exist i would have dreaded reading the rest of this. but GOD i loved this! the allusion towards real-life uranium girls, and the commentary of capitalism, plus some actual good-ol fashioned horror? 

a novel (or a poem) about fan, aged 11 years or the zoo: i enjoyed this one! it kind of felt like it was reverting to just being crude and not horror, but i dig the themes of exploitation, and this story made sense. overall i’d say this is 7/16 in ranking for me. 

mr elephant: i’ll be candid here. i dont know what was going on here. i cant even say i hated this because there was no story. it just felt like this was a full novel and this was a section isolated, because nothing felt important in this story. everything felt meaningless. my second least-fav. 

avalon: i think here the entire tone of the novel does a 180, and goes from “pee pee poo poo vomit bodily fluids collecting teeth” gross kind of horror and into “murder death horrific acts but more so thriller but i guess it is horrifying” type of horror. and i enjoyed this shift in tone! this story wasn't my favourite, but compared to all the stories before it (minus the green hat my beloved), this was a step up. this is the fifth best for me. 

the poison garden: i mean this was fine… i was back to not caring about the stories honestly, as it started getting repetitive with this new tone. 9/16 for me. 

the surrogates: honestly i was mad as hell at this one. mainly at the ending. because seriously there was this one line that actually infuriated me. it wasnt needed, was there just for the shock factor, and made me feel icky.. and not in a horror way but an “oh this is um…” way. this is 12/16 for me. 

madame flora’s: so fun, very zany yet also felt realistic? easily my second fav. BONKERS. 

the coiled serpent: for the namesake of the collection, this was fine. by this point i felt like i was getting the hang of grudova’s writing.. with four stories left. for me this is the 6th best story. 

the meat eater: here grudova lost me again. the last two stories were so good, and this one just felt like a very formulaic rehash of half of this collection. this is 8th for me overall. 

white asparagus: i was once again disillusioned with grudova’s writing. the stories began bleeding into one, as they all seemingly followed the same pattern of “murder murder ew ew weird thing mc does with the body”. this is 13/16 for me. 

the apartment: somehow grudova pulls another 180 because i enjoyed this! this felt very new yet still true to the voice established in the other stories! i was happy again! this is fourth in rankings for me. 

hoo hoo! another complete tone shift. i hated this. i had no idea what was going on, it felt completely out of character for the other stories, and honestly i was over this constantly see-saw i was having with the stories. worst story imo. 

i really cannot explain my thoughts on this collection coherently. it is so unique in the worst and best ways. i can only really compare this book to “bliss montage” by ling ma. i was disappointed as i was expecting horror, and i don’t know what this was, but it defo wasn’t horror. it transcends genre. 

if you like gross horror or books where you don’t know what’s going on but you’re hear for the ride, this books’ for you.