what an incredibly fascinating book.

as much as i want to say i loved this book for what it is and not what it stands for…. i can’t.

sure i was rooting for winston, but in some odd way i also wasn’t. i defo wasn’t rooting for julia - i actually couldn’t stand her but whatever. and i defo wasn’t rooting for the party, as ngl life there sounds like hell on earth. so i don’t know how, when reading this, i was simultaneously worried and not worried for winston. i simultaneously was waiting for him to get shot and simultaneously hoping he didn’t.

i honestly was quite bored at some spots. like sorry the book was 30 PAGES. i wanted to pull my hair out. but almost like stockholm syndrome i look back at those 30 pages and go “huh what was written there was smart”. insert meta-commentary about me being weak to big brother blah blah blah. i already know i would be a sheep following along no question in my mind man. 

there really felt like there was no plot here, and for the life of me i cannot explain why i kept coming back to this book. but i did.

idk i found the foundations of the party to concerningly mirror real life, and the politics fascinated me. communism is such a complex topic and i really enjoyed the explorations into it, even if the commentary was a tad surface level.

for someone who’s been dead since the 50s man had extremely strong clarity in terms of communism. 

i don’t really know what else to say. this book is almost beyond explanation for me. i’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes debating what rating i even give this, because i half hated and half loved this. i literally can’t tell if i even enjoyed this. my brain is mush. insert another meta-commentary here about me being so fallible to the party’s tactics blah blah blah clover sheep. goodnight.