4 ☆ - 'Nothing matters, and nothing lasts. Everyone forgets, and everything disappears. The things you do, the things you are, it's all nothing. Would anyone miss you, if you went away? Would anyone look for you? Would anyone listen, or even care, if I hurt you? If I put my hands around your neck and crushed your windpipe and chopped you up, would anyone find you? And if it's a no to any of these, did you even exist in the first place?'

holy shit, this book.

I went into this knowing hardly anything other than that this book has developed a reputation for being "American Psycho, but for women"..... and so, naturally, i had to read it.

I can't even begin to explain the effect this book had on me, it quite literally is indescribable. I'm still unsure of whether i loved this, or completely despised it. I felt like i needed a shower after finishing this, to wash away the dirty and gritty feeling it left me with. I enjoyed this as much as you can enjoy a book following a literal sociopath. It was interesting and addictive, in a weird way. No matter how appalled and horrified i felt, no matter how awful the mc made me feel, i still needed to finish the story? It's like watching a horror film, and you just know a disaster is about to happen, but you can't look away, no matter how much you want to.

It took me a few days to determine a rating. I spent the entire book hating what i was reading, despising the sociopathic and narcissistic main character. The eating disorder rep was shockingly bad, and that was also driving me insane. I quickly realised that this isn't a book intended to have good rep. It was written to be as dark and twisted as possible. It's a mindfuck, and that's all. It does mean that this book uses sensitive topics both gratuitously and exploitatively, and for shock value. Please bare that in mind, it definitely won't be for everyone.

One of my favourite things that Eliza Clark did with this book is invert the male gaze into the female gaze. Irina's photography and objectification of men creates an uncomfortable and shocking reversal of gender roles. It was refreshing, it was disconcerting. I loved it, and i hated it. I think Eliza Clark is a genius (a terrifying genius lool).

My only solid complaint, is that the ending did feel redundant. The entire story followed Irina slowly losing control and getting angrier, and then it just ended before anything really happens with that rage?? It definitely leaves you desiring more. Whether that was intended or not, im not sure. I do wish something more climatic had happened at the end? But that's just me, it is definitely a personal preference thing.

This "review" was chaotic and rambley and i have NO idea if it made any sense, if you think this would be your thing, give it a go? But it definitely won't be everyones vibe.