Wow. This one was a gut punch. I chose the audiobook version of "Know My Name," which enhanced the emotional experience as the audiobook was read by Chanel Miller herself.

It is both easy and hard to read this book—easy, because so much of her emotion and reaction to things is extremely relatable as a woman; hard for a lot of reasons, because of the assault and because it's so frustrating to relate to her, to see her struggle, and to want to object to moments in the story that are unchangeable or are systemic.

I really loved the way Miller set up the book and laid out the story—it was a little jarring at first, as I expected to get the benefit of multiple perspectives and outside/retroactive information and so was a little confused about what was happening a few times. But a little ways in, I realized the intentionality behind this: Miller was presenting her view of what happened, AS IT HAPPENED. In other words, she didn't have the benefit of more information at the time, as so we don't get it as the reader either. And that made the entire experience more real, more raw, and much more devastating. By going through the motions and emotions with her, you get as close as you can to an understanding of her experience. You were taken by surprise when she was, confused when she was, and empowered when she was.

Miller was almost unfathomably honest about the process and trauma of her assault, hospitalization, and trial experiences; an honesty which makes the book as powerful as it is. I wanted to shield *myself* as she discussed her hospital evaluation, the ways in which she had to be violated all over again in order to get the evidence needed to prove crime and hold someone accountable. This on its own is a horrible piece of the reality of sexual assault—the evidence is on and in your body, and documenting it is necessary but traumatic, and that's just so messed up.

After the hospital stay, the hardest part for me to listen to was Chanel's testimony at the trial. I actually paused the audiobook to take a break in the middle of the defense attorney's questioning because it was so distressing to be there with Chanel, to hear her being cut off early, confused with insignificant details, and called a party girl, all in an attempt to discredit her and strip away the crime that was committed against her. It's hard to describe the horror of listening to this experience, and I can't imagine living it. I understand, as Chanel also acknowledges, that it is everyone's right to have a defense. But my gosh, how is it that the best defense is to attack the credibility and history of a woman who was unconsciously assaulted? I wanted to scream, as I'm sure she did.

Also, anyone who thinks that assault victims just make up stories to torpedo men should really read this book and understand the complete hell that Chanel had to go through for something, as she explains, she never chose or wanted to happen. To hold a man accountable for what he did, she sacrifices her time, her career, her privacy, her vulnerability, her mobility, her freedom, and the freedom of her family and friends who are involved in the trial. FOR YEARS. It's unimaginable, but still it happened to her and happens all the time.

For these and so many more reasons, "Know My Name" should really be considered required reading. Heartbreaking and so necessary.