holy shit. holy shit.

i feel. lost and overwhelmed? a little confused, frankly? excited for dreamer but also really fuckin sad that this is over? guys im sensitive dont touch me

also, im scatter brained as hell so im going to spit opinions in a list form until something makes sense. as follows:

- maggie's writing? chef's kiss. impeccable. i was two pages in and i had already marked like four quotes like jesus CHRIST that woman has such a WAY with words i want to exist inside of her prose exclusively

-ronan remains literal snow white with his fuckin. deer and shit. i love him so much.

- no, really, noah deserved BETTER. i would literally deduct a star for this fact if not because the whole series is too magnificent as a whole, but know that i am pISSED AS HELL. that boy went through SO MUCH and he's still the least developed character and he had so much to offer. and YES I know maybe there wasnt much space to fit another arc for him -but make it goddammit. i want to say its a spoiler so ill just say even at the end, he deserved MORE and BETTER. thats it.

- the development of blue and ronan's relationship is *wipes a tear* so beautiful. i would sit there and watch them interact for seven lifetimes stacked on top of one another. him being impressed at her stitches. when he tries to dream her a cream for her wound. that one time she walks to the kitchen and he jogs ahead to bump her hip with his. just. RONAN. the way he looks completely unfriendable and then he pULLS THIS SHIT. where the fuck is MY ronan anyway.

- adam mostly redeemed himself. im still a lil bitter about him as a whole, for past actions, but he grows and thats all i can really ask of him and i love this whole THING he has going on. the magician shit. the gay shit. all of it. love that for him.

- blue will fuck up and then literally look you in the face and tell you to go fuck yourself for calling her out on it. and as i type that out i understand why she works with ronan at all. cant decide whether i love or hate that about her.

- gansey... my lil heart. my baby. i just. love him so much. i have so many emotions. and none of them i can articulate. i just want to... bake him a pie. make him some tea. wrap him in a blanket. all kinds of soft shit.

- i want the whole ass series rewritten, but this time around henry is there the whole entire time. i cant believe i only got a GLIMpSE of him and now its OVER. this lovable idiot. this big ass, golden retriever ass son of a bitch. for a second there i thought he was gonna go villain on us, and not gonna lie, i got a lil scared. in the end it all worked out and i wanna hang out with him and his stupid little bee.

- give me CLOSURE on mr gray maggie what the hell

- cabeswater as a character is,,, so pure. i already miss u cabeswater, i wish i had sealed a concerning, slightly creepy deal to be your hands and eyes and gotten tied to you until one of us perished.

- watching the thing between ronan and adam come to be was.... really sweet. i mean i WAS expecting it because i know how much fans love them but i wasn't expecting THAT. you know? ronan was just an entire different kind of tender and man. the things i feel. im glad i get more of THAT at the very least.

- its canon that adam and ronan, both individually and together, simply Will Not Let Gansey Catch His Damn Breath. they always got some bullshit coming at him!! how do they do that!! gansey is the mcgonnagal to his golden trio -how come any time something happens it's always y'all????

- maggies study on like. wealth? and how it affects people in so many different directions? and how it shapes perception, both ways? absolutely brilliant. have i already said id read this womans grocery lists?

- ronan being soft and breakable and vulnerable. i want to. *clenches fist*. protect him. so hard.

- the wAY MAGGIE WRITES IN CIRCLES. it makes me go absolutely batshit crazy. completely bonkers. bananas. im OBSESSED. the way she goes back to the way she expressed one thing to say another or the same. i like that IN GENERAL about her, but in this series where it makes so much sense with time being circular- THATS SO WELL DONE AS WELL. FUCK. the absolute MINDFUCK she put me through so many times. im. enraged and impressed. and incredibly fond.

- i also like how even though the plot is INSANE AND OUTRAGEOUS, when characters speak and feel and think you relate because at the core, its all about the human experience, and the magic is just... an excuse. an overlay. like, i marked so many bits because i was like "yes, same, mood". like, bitch what?? you're not looking for a king sleeping on a ley line what do you mean mood? but yes, mood, actually, because you connect regardless.

all in all: insane. magnificent. as my good friend mai said: literally a fuckin fever dream, but a beautiful one at that. excuse me, i need to bang my head against a wall for like five hours until i regain my sense of normalcy because this aint it. life is so dull now that this is over. i weep.