This is a book where a door falls in love with a woman and she fucks the door. It certainly was a book! It’s written at approximately a sixth grade level, all of the dialogue is ridiculous, and the characters sound exactly the same. All that being said! I’m not expecting a fuckin literary masterpiece from a door fucker book. It was v fun and so short of a read.

The door is somehow a son of Zeus?? Like Zeus fucked a tree with a particularly enticing dick shaped hole and now we have this door. Zeus says hey you get one shot to be with the woman you love but to make it happen she’s gotta fuck you! So! Appear to her in a dream!!! Which is so wild on its own. The door becomes a man halfway through which kinda ruined the appeal of the whole thing for me but don’t worry! In incredibly werewolf fashion he turns into a door again once a month and she has to sleep with him to turn him back! Also she’s like? A dommy mommy for the door? She calls him a good little door and he gets on his knees and shit. Also there’s a murder kind of. The door, when it ends up with a name, names itself after Idris Elba.

There are just so many things. It was too fun to get one star, so here we are!