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A review by storyorc
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
This book does a great job of clearly stating principles most people know to be good manners but probably don't adhere to as well as they should. It also follows its own rules in giving its reader an appetite to follow the advice with endless success stories.
The almost mathematical clarity does lend a sinister shade to the advice, no matter how many times Carnegie insists we must be sincere in our appreciation and apologies, because under the pleasantries, this is a guide to manipulation. Many of the featured testimonies are heartwarming but many also feature the teller getting more sales than they expected, a free car, a career - and an unspoken sense of having outsmarted the person who handed over their reward. Similarly, the book never touches upon assholes, situations where one party will lose, or convincing people to act against their interests. It is left to the reader to interpret whether this is for the sake of their morals or because those cases are beyond these techniques.
Carnegie claims to have had the resources to read a hundred FDR biographies and hire an employee to do the same but I would have traded that for a few studies, even if informal. Claims such as 'people like conversation partners who use their name often in conversation better than those who don't' and 'a person is more likely to agree to your proposal if you get them to agree to some inconsequential statements first' could be tested with a few dozen university students, like all good psychological studies back then were. Instead his evidence is wholly anecdotal. It may be true, or these could be cherry-picked examples, already collected in a biased way because how many people are going to write to him admitting that following his expensive advice worsened or had no effect on their interpersonal skills? Also, honestly, we could have done with about half as many anecdotes since many seemed to tread the same ground.
The historical anecdotes Carnegie assembled from famous leaders were a surprise favourite aspect, however. At least for Americans, Ancient Greeks, and a few Chinese thinkers, it is interesting and just plain nice to hear that wise people have been preaching thoughtfulness and empathy for generations upon generations.
The almost mathematical clarity does lend a sinister shade to the advice, no matter how many times Carnegie insists we must be sincere in our appreciation and apologies, because under the pleasantries, this is a guide to manipulation. Many of the featured testimonies are heartwarming but many also feature the teller getting more sales than they expected, a free car, a career - and an unspoken sense of having outsmarted the person who handed over their reward. Similarly, the book never touches upon assholes, situations where one party will lose, or convincing people to act against their interests. It is left to the reader to interpret whether this is for the sake of their morals or because those cases are beyond these techniques.
Carnegie claims to have had the resources to read a hundred FDR biographies and hire an employee to do the same but I would have traded that for a few studies, even if informal. Claims such as 'people like conversation partners who use their name often in conversation better than those who don't' and 'a person is more likely to agree to your proposal if you get them to agree to some inconsequential statements first' could be tested with a few dozen university students, like all good psychological studies back then were. Instead his evidence is wholly anecdotal. It may be true, or these could be cherry-picked examples, already collected in a biased way because how many people are going to write to him admitting that following his expensive advice worsened or had no effect on their interpersonal skills? Also, honestly, we could have done with about half as many anecdotes since many seemed to tread the same ground.
The historical anecdotes Carnegie assembled from famous leaders were a surprise favourite aspect, however. At least for Americans, Ancient Greeks, and a few Chinese thinkers, it is interesting and just plain nice to hear that wise people have been preaching thoughtfulness and empathy for generations upon generations.