This is not the usual type of book I read. I felt like the plot was too linear. I was only pulled in one direction. But I hated both of the main characters. So it did something right.

After reading it, I said I was going to give it three stars. I liked the psychology of it all. The gaslighting, the emotional regression, the dissociation. I enjoyed how unreliable the narrator was. I didn't like her tho. Vanessa was clearly an emotionally stunted adult, stuck in the most traumatic time of her life. Working entry-level jobs. Constantly reliving her fifteen-year-old life with her teacher, who she can't decide loves her, or uses her. She doesn't realize she doesn't love him either. She just loved the way he treated her. She wanted his approval and acceptance. To feel special to him. She didn't trust him, but she wanted to protect him. It made her extremely annoying to follow around, but you can't help but wonder what happens to her in the end.

I couldn't stop fixating on the fact that she wants everybody to know what happened to her but doesn't want them to do anything about it. She didn't keep the abuse a secret from anyone, but as soon as someone called it "abuse," she was extremely defensive. Despite the fact that she dissociated during every single sexual encounter she and Strone had. She was so used to the way that he treated her, that she didn't realize the relationship wasn't normal.

Strone was an absolute nut. Nothing he did to Vanessa sounded romantic. It was grooming. It was manipulation. He was a weak man with no sense of accountability for his actions. When things got tough, he threw teenage girls under the bus. When the math of his abuses started adding up, he started relying on an adult Vanessa to tell him that he was a perfect person and that everything would be OK. When it seemed like things went too far and punishment was looming, he killed himself.

I didn't like that bitch. I didn't like how he knew what he was doing was wrong. I didn't like how he talked about his victims like they were just emotionally unstable and had a crush on him. As much as I hated Vanessa, I would often sympathize with her whenever he spoke with her because you'd realize he's the reason that she's the way she is. He's responsible for our annoying, delusional, unreliable main character. And oddly enough, he's as annoying, delusional, and unreliable as she is. They mirrored one another in many ways.

Maybe I will give it its forth star back.