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A review by mcgbreads
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
5.0
Edit: I realized a long while back that this is a 5-star read for me, but I forgot to edit my review. I read this almost a year ago, and I still think about it. I can't wait to get a physical copy to read it again and annotate it.
Review: This is a painful read, almost agonizing, which is why it took me so long to finish it. I have never cried so hard and so often while reading a book. But it's also a beautiful read because the characters are beautiful and you come to love them so much. Or at least that was my experience. I also loved the writing a lot.
But I do have to wonder, what was the point of all that suffering in the end? It never stopped and never relented for Jude, not once. So, why make your character suffer so much and not have him find healing? I kept fucking waiting for that to happen and it never did, not even during his years with Willem.
I thought Jude would turn things around at one point. I thought that maybe having a more active role in therapy would do something for him. I thought that all the love his inner circle showed him over the decades would make sense at last. I thought he would finally accept that Willem was not the only one who loved him unconditionally and that his life was worth living.
But I also knew that wasn't going to happen based on the language he used. He never had a chance because he never gave himself one and though I love him, I also hate him for that, for all of his self-loathing and self-sabotage.
For his unwillingness to wonder, even for a second, "If all these people I love think such wonderful things about me and see so much good in me, maybe I'm the one who's wrong about myself, and maybe my abusers were wrong most of all" and dive deep into that to come out the other end with a desire to unpack his trauma and get better.
It's an enraging and depressing book because I wanted to see this character heal, thrive, and feel like he deserved to do so. I became so attached to Jude, I wanted his suffering to transform him in the end, not cost him his life. But I also understand not everyone survives their trauma and what it does to their minds/souls.
Review: This is a painful read, almost agonizing, which is why it took me so long to finish it. I have never cried so hard and so often while reading a book. But it's also a beautiful read because the characters are beautiful and you come to love them so much. Or at least that was my experience. I also loved the writing a lot.
But I do have to wonder, what was the point of all that suffering in the end? It never stopped and never relented for Jude, not once. So, why make your character suffer so much and not have him find healing? I kept fucking waiting for that to happen and it never did, not even during his years with Willem.
I thought Jude would turn things around at one point. I thought that maybe having a more active role in therapy would do something for him. I thought that all the love his inner circle showed him over the decades would make sense at last. I thought he would finally accept that Willem was not the only one who loved him unconditionally and that his life was worth living.
But I also knew that wasn't going to happen based on the language he used. He never had a chance because he never gave himself one and though I love him, I also hate him for that, for all of his self-loathing and self-sabotage.
For his unwillingness to wonder, even for a second, "If all these people I love think such wonderful things about me and see so much good in me, maybe I'm the one who's wrong about myself, and maybe my abusers were wrong most of all" and dive deep into that to come out the other end with a desire to unpack his trauma and get better.
It's an enraging and depressing book because I wanted to see this character heal, thrive, and feel like he deserved to do so. I became so attached to Jude, I wanted his suffering to transform him in the end, not cost him his life. But I also understand not everyone survives their trauma and what it does to their minds/souls.