So I just finished this book, and despite the fact that I feel like crying, I also have a lot of thoughts.

The first surround the book itself. The fact that these students and teachers managed to write so well about the horror they went through on that Valentines Day is impressive, as is the activism they’ve pushed for since then.

The teachers, the students… They went through hell. They’re making sure everyone knows that, and they’re doing it well. As they’re finishing high school and starting college or their lives, it’s not an easy time in general. The book hits a place very close to home for me when I worry about the fact that my siblings are still in high school.

Which leads to my second set of thoughts about gun violence and mass shootings.

The fact that gun violence is so pervasive in our country. We lose so many people every year to gun violence and many more people get hurt… Particularly in communities that don’t get the same coverage as majority white communities. (And this completely leaves out the conversation on how people of color shot by the police are treated)

We see so many mass shootings that we’ve become numb for it. I’ve actually said “I’m glad school’s out. There won’t be any school shootings for a few months.”

And I can’t explain how fucked up that is.

I remember pre-Sandy Hook, but I was still in school after it. I’ve been in lock down drills where they bang on the doors. My parents didn’t have to think as much about sending me to school and worry about me getting shot. In. A. School.

Now, I jump when I hear balloons pop on a hot day. I’ve had nightmares about being stuck in these situations. I worry about my brothers going to school. Because it’s not like they haven’t had gun threats before.

Do you know how fucked up that is?

The oldest is 16.

He’s the same age as the children who died in Parkland.

I have a sister who is four.

She’s almost the same age as the children that died in Sandy Hook.

I think about how pervasive this shit is, and I think about the fact that I’m just talking about schools here, but they happen elsewhere. Places of Worship. Clubs. Concerts.

It’s been seven years since Sandy Hook this year.

It’s been twelve years since Virginia Tech.

It’s been twenty years since Columbine.

And those are just the schools.

But we have done very little to make a change here. We see other countries start making changes the next day like in New Zealand, but it’s been almost twenty years since Columbine and our national government has done very little to make it stop.

We’ve had 71 mass shootings in 2019. It’s March.

So someone tell me why we don’t fucking change.