Sometimes you finish a book and just need to sit with the weight of it in your heart and in your chest afterwards. You have to learn how to breathe again. You have to remind yourself that you are live, and you are blessed to hold stories such as these in your hands. 

I did not start out this reading experience thinking this would be my favorite book of 2021. I knew it would be a favorite of the year, but not THE favorite. But there is no way for any other book to come anywhere near what this book made me experience. No other. It tore me apart. It tried to piece me back together. I would highly recommend picking it up. I am probably going to be rereading it at least once this year. Even if I suffer, I can see myself revisiting this story because of how much I loved it.
 
First and foremost, let me start this review by saying that you should be kind to yourself and tread lightly with this book if sexual assault is a triggering topic for you. This book delves into the experience of the the protagonist in detail, and it can be extremely upsetting. I am not a survivor of sexual assault, and I found myself feeling extremely disturbed by the things that happened to our protagonists Ciela and Lock. It was to the point that I repeatedly felt nauseated while reading. So, please, be gentle with yourself if you’re thinking of reading this book. In addition, do not think for a second that I consider this book to be gratuitous in its exploration of sexual assault. This is not my point at all. Precisely because it managed to burrow down into my skin because of the horrible experience these characters have, I do not consider this gratuitous. It just cuts deep. 

Now. The primary reason I loved this book was because the main characters were phenomenal. I have read all of McLemore’s novels, and this one has by far the best character work. I am always fond of McLemore’s characters, but Ciela and Lock just took that to a whole other level. I feel like the story followed them so closely that we were truly able to learn about them and grow attached to them. Some of my favorite scenes in this book are between the two of them as they bond over food and sweets. Ciela teaches Lock how to bake and cook a couple of things, and these interactions were just too precious for me to resist. 

Lock’s interactions with his sister were also precious. I’m a sucker for that shit. Give me cute sibling bonds, and I melt. With Ciela, I felt like I was holding my breath the entirety of the book. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for her to truly let go of all her pent-up emotion. For her to let out that scream she silenced on that night. 

In addition, I loved Ciela's friendship with Jess. We got to see how Ciela’s experience with sexual assault had negative effects on this friendship, but eventually the friendship proved strong in the end.  

And I have to say that, for a story about two sexual assault survivors, there is so much joy in this book. I could not believe it as I read. So many scenes in this book brought me so much joy—even while other scenes tore me apart. Truly, for a portion fo the book, I couldn’t believe how much happiness there was. I mean this in a good way. It was absolutely beautiful. It was beautiful to read about these two survivors finding joy and comfort together and claiming back the power they thought they lost. 

This is 100% my favorite Anna-Marie McLemore book yet! I thought nothing would go over my love for Blanca & Roja, but this book truly blew me away. The writing of this book felt far more “grounded” and realistic than Anna-Marie McLemore’s previous work, but I found that it was exactly what this story needed. Although magic was never absent from this book, as McLemore is incredible at writing magical realism, this felt less whimsical I guess. Still magical, but far more tangible. Overall, I think this was the main reason why I adored this book so much. The magic was alive and well, but the story still felt real. All in all, go pick this up.