Just finished this, but so many thoughts! This book is an intimate exploration of mental illness in a way I hadn’t been exposed to before, and while it was a step out of my comfort zone, I found it very touching and thought-provoking.

The protagonist, Imogen, is dealing with ocd, anxiety disorder and depression, living away from her family and boyfriend for college, overall trying to stay afloat. The descriptions of her days and routines, as well as her dealing with various emergencies, are so fascinating. Though I can’t entirely relate, it’s so easy to empathise and see where she’s coming from. This deep insight into her psyche really explains her behaviour, I don’t know how to say it but even the description of a panic attack feels so real. 

Then things take a turn for the worse and we’re pulled in a downward spiral, trying to figure things out with her. Now, if anything, this book made me feel thankful that I’m okay, that I know I have a plan, that I have a solid support system that caters to my needs. On the contrary, the way Imogen is thrusted from one hard place to the next felt just suffocating (which is a good thing because that was the goal). It was very reminiscent of Tess of the d’Urbervilles, only I actually saw where every character was coming from with their actions.

Crazy to say, but I totally understood the reasoning of the boyfriend. Not justifying it at all, just saying the reaction to everything was entirely realistic (sadly).

When he first finds out about the pregnancy, his reaction is wrong for the situation, because he’s aware of his guilt and even more importantly he knows Imogen needs him, but he’s also doing the only thing he can do, as a rough, uneducated man. Part of me can’t totally fault him either, just because I don’t have a pro-life stance, and I thought there could have been another interesting way of developing this story, had he not turned out to be a rapist.

But that aside, I thought his entire arc was devastating but so gripping, as we realise through Imogen’s eyes how she, like many other vulnerable women, has been taken advantage of.

Same thing with her parents. It’s so heartbreaking to me that she lacks the support system she needs, and that they are so misguided in their actions.

If my parents knew I was that mentally ill and still prioritised the child of a rapist, I would end things.

But one thing I could relate to was this idea of the internalised pressure “good children” face. I think one of the strengths of this novel was leaving things unsaid, letting the reader just reflect and feel. Reflect upon mental illness, how one’s surroundings affect them, support systems, and also how to communicate with others how one feels in order to get help and be understood.

This felt like a very personal book, written as a way to connect with the world almost. I don’t read many books like this, so it felt very raw and candid, while super beautifully written. Not for the faint hearted by I could hardly put it down.