This one ended up on my TBR thanks to a review post on IG that I saw, but I didn't note who posted that review, so I can't give credit where it's due. Anyways, after just recently finishing, and loving/being totally impressed by, We Deserve Monuments, I was in the mood for another emotionally hard-hitting and salient YA novel. And this seemed like the perfect fit. 

 

Ander Martínez has lived in San Antonio, Texas, for their whole life. They even delayed leaving for art school in favor of sticking around for a year to work on local murals and, of course, at their family's taquería. When they and a (super hot) new waiter, Santiago López Alvarado, fall for each other over the summer, everything changes. With Santi's help, Ander starts to understand who they want to be as an artist, while Ander helps Santi start to really make San Antonio feel like home. But the world is not that easy to live in - though why shouldn't it be?! - and when ICE agents come for Santi, Ander realizes how fragile everything they've built together actually is. How can they hold on to love when the country they live in tears them apart? And what options are there for the two that allow for them to follow their dreams *and* make a future together, while not sacrificing the safety/stability they deserve to have? 

 

Oh this novel was beautiful and tragic and *just barely* on the happier side of hopeful. Let me start with some of the lighter things that I loved. First, the narrative voice was fire. It's told from Ander's perspective, and their voice is seriously spot-on, tone-wise, for a smart and snarky adolescent. The way they spoke with everyone around them, from coworkers to family (especially their mom; I was such a fan of her character and voice as well) to, of course, Santi was spectacular. And you know I'm a sucker for great dialogue. And it went past that into incredibly genuine relationships as well. The casual acceptance from parents/family for Ander’s gender (here's to more novels where that is not the primary conflict) was so great. I loved seeing the gender neutral Spanish. The tension/pull between Ander and Santi is top notch, both leading up to and after they get together. Now, I will say, Ander was so much bigger than Santi on the page. And so, partly, I feel like they were much more developed, character-wise, than Santi, who then ended up as more of a support/secondary role, instead of an equal. Now, Ander had a bigger personality IRL, which played into that. And the fact that it was told from Ander's POV probably also increased that impression. But I did want to mention it. Finally, OMG that cover. *star eyes* 

 

As far as the heavier topics, Villa doesn't shy away from addressing them head on. Which: yes to that. The rage and terror of being undocumented, or caring for someone who is undocumented, is portrayed without any softening. As it should be. There is no circumstance where a person should be considered illegal simply by trying to live and remain safe and try for a better future for themselves/loved ones...and we see myriad ways where that is not only the baseline assumption of our country's immigration law/policy, but how unjust and horrific it is in general and in a very individual, very human, way. Ander and Santi are just two young people in love, already a very real challenge for many, and they cannot simply enjoy or experience it without the threat of separation and legal ramification over their heads (we see this mostly in regards to Santi's citizenship, but also, knowing they are in Texas, there's a very real threat due to their queerness as well - that intersectionality that leads to, potentially, no safe spaces is deeply tragic). So yea, that aspect was full of love and hope and tender youthful optimism, but mixed with upsetting and disrupting and horrific realities that this kind of young love (or just, young…or just, people, any people) shouldn’t have to list as part of their struggles/worries. By the end, this part of the story had me bawling my eyes out in all the good and bad ways. 

 

There was also a phenomenal interrogation of art throughout the novel. Ander is struggling with what one is “allowed” to do, to want to do, to idolize and emulate, to represent. As Ander is finding their identity as an artist in general, and a queer Mexican-American artist specifically, and learning to own what they care about because they care about it, for not other reason(s) and regardless of whether they should or not, it's hard, but it's handled with care and nuance. The way Santi helps them with it is beautiful. And what it provides for Santi in turn is equally touching. 

 

If I could say one thing about this novel, it would be this: it is so vibrant and full of freaking LIFE. It presents an important and necessary POV in a style that is the epitome of YA:  funny and hopeful and messy/inappropriate (in the most wonderfully inclusive way), even under the shadow of very real threat/danger. This is why youth are the future, you can’t quash that instinctive belief that things will get better. Heartbreaking and spectacular. I saw fireworks while reading this. 

 

 

“It’s a weird space to be in mentally, aware that I'm really good at something but still so afraid of the future.” 

 

“I hate that sometimes liking that art I do seems like I'm settling for what people expect me to be doing. That they get in my head and make me overanalyze every idea I have and make me ask myself, Is it because I want to paint this, or is it because I'm supposed to only want to paint this?” 

 

“There’s only us, here together in a moment that is both beautiful and frightening, for however long the world wants to give us. And we're going to make the most of it.” 

 

“There are these moments where I can't tell the difference between authenticity and trying to make a point.” 

 

“And with every touch, I am reminded that we are powerful. That our existence is powerful. That we can be both protector and protected. [...] ...we exist. Together. Right here and right now, with each other. ANd no man or government or racist ideology can ruin this. At least, not right now.” (my god it’s so unbelievably tender and, as I believe is the point but is also universal and should never be as easy to ignore as it seems to be, *human*) 

 

“Fuck borders. Fuck some arbitrary lines that colonizers made up on land that doesn't even belong to them. And fuck how those lines have become a way to make people hate each other and fear each other and want to keep each other out and have no guilt about any of it.” 

 

“Because time continues to exist whether we acknowledge it or not.” 

 

 “I wish that this wasn’t the world we’re forced to live in.”